I’m a dl bisexual guy, although I’ve mostly been focusing on guys lately because I fell in love with one. He’s your typical alpha type and he’s in the military. Total womanizer and extremely good looking. We grew up hating each other – always fighting and arguing. Then as we moved into adulthood (around 18 years old), we became frienemies, then eventually just friends. Eventually, something happened and we fell in love. He would call every morning like clockwork as soon as he opened his eyes, then he would call every night right before bed, not to mention an afternoon call. We never made love (although he came to my house one time and made it clear that he wanted us to fuck. I just wasn’t ready for that step with a man). He told me that he’s in love with me after I finally admitted my feelings.
I was very difficult. Poor guy was like the man in a man/woman relationship with me. I guess it’s because we grew up arguing so I never really grew out of it. Anyway, we grew apart and he stopped talking to me. Then he started talking to me again and then I stopped talking to him. It’s a cycle. Then he started rewriting out history and acting like we were never in love. I thought I was crazy until i called him out one day and asked him if he was in love with me. He told me the following:
“If you know a fish is going to swim down a river, would you still ask if the fish is going to swim down the river?” But then he told me I can’t have it my way and that he’s not able to give me what I want. After that he completely erased our history from his mind and he went back to dating women and being in relationships with them. I guess I kind of know why he pushed me away…plus his family is church-going and homophobic (plus the military thing). I just want to know your thoughts.
I’m only asking because this has been going on for 10 years and I am so heartbroken. The ordeal changed me for the worse. I’m not the same person I was and now I sleep around with my just trying to fill a void. I think he’s my one great love.