i swear i didn’t smoke any weed tonight.
the last time i got high,
it was pretty fuckin’ horrible.
it was at my old job before going to a birthday party.
i smoked because i wanted to let loose and be in the moment.
i thought i was good.
like many times before…
It made me a paranoid mess.
was my mind going a mile a minute.
it helped calm down the anxiety i was having,
but i couldn’t get a grasp on a positive thought to save my life.
i will say it felt like it opened up my psychic bajan third eye.
folks were talking to me and i could sense their attraction to me.
in that moment,
i was fuckin’ professor x from “x-men”.
that would have been fun if it didn’t highlight all of my insecurities as well.
it never fails that when i’m high,
my mind goes to the deepest parts of hell.
i remember thinking about this wolf i’m interested in.
when i’m sober,
i saw the beauty in it all.
when i was high,
it made me see the ugliness of it.
it’s like i stepped outside of myself and had an outer body experience.
it’s like i can’t put it into words without sounding like i’m high af right now.
even when i smoked with work wolf,
it wasn’t good either.
i promise you i thought he was gonna kill me that night.
when i first started right after my mother passed,
it wasn’t as bad.
i don’t know if it was purp or dro,
but one of those strains had me feeling like i was the sexiest fox to hit this earth.
i was looking in my bathroom mirror,
looking at my face in all angles,
and wanted to fuck me on the spot.
i’ll take whatever weed that was for the win.
i admire those who can smoke everyday.
i ask what are they doing that i do wrong?
maybe the issue is…
I’m getting high with folks I’m not too comfortable with.
…and that is also including myself.
it sucks because people make smoking a blunt so glamorous,
but it’s like a trip to the swap meet for me.
i might have to accept that alcohol is my only stimulant and keep it that way.
Am I the only one that weed effects in this way?
lowkey: i don’t care if my future manz smokes.
i might try it with him even though i’m scared where my mind will take me.