everyone…
you met the dude of your dreams.
yes, finally.
but, this guy is actually perfect.
there is nothing wrong.
you were dating for 6 months until ya’ll become official.
he says that you make him a better person.
he has a great job, cooks, and washes all the dishes after.
not to mention the sex is mind blowing.
you have had your fair share of disagreements,
but he has been nothing but a gentleman and tries to work through the issues.
oh, they look like this:
perfect.
well, tonight, you got a phone call from a number you didn’t know.
you answer and after talking, he says he is your new dude’s ex.
how he got your phone number is a mystery.
anyway, he said he isn’t calling to start trouble,
but he wanted to talk to you to warn you….
he sends you a picture through text if your dude tried to deny.
he goes into how they met…
…. and how your man was abusive towards him all throughout the 2 years they dated.
yes.
dropped the “A” bomb.
he even ended up in the hospital after one fight.
confused because you couldn’t believe it.
he said that the abuse started a couple weeks after they met.
he also says that your new dude has really bad anger problems.
he took care of your dude because he was broke.
not to mention that his credit is now ruined and he is scared to date again after that relationship.
your new dude put him through the bullshit.
so of course you confront your dude about the phone call later.
he admits that it did happen.
he also says that he would never hit you.
he starts to break down and cry…
I am going to be different than everyone else and I totally respect their views because I thought the same also. Dude and I would have discussed our past relationships and why they ended. If he did not bring all of this up, it is a deal breaker. You are not a Republican so you can’t erase two years of your life and actions. IMHO it is lying by omission. I must be honest and admit that I have lived through something like this and not only did he impact me but he impacted my whole family. The stories differ in the ending in that my ex went to jail, I supported him, he got out and the landlord caught him with another dude in the house but never told me until my ex just up and left one day. When I lay down with a man, I want him to be a man. He can be flawed but he needs to be man enough to open up about them sooner than later. Sexually we were a couple but emotionally because of his secrets before we met, he was the same as a stranger on the streets.
I would be a little uneasy about an ex coming to me with all this information, but we know how people get out of relationships after they have caused harm and then move on to the next person and seem like they are perfect. I would confront him about it most definitely, especially about him messing up his ex’s credit. That would be a huge issue for me and we’re in a recession too. I will let him know that he will not ruin my credit nor will he put his hands on me.
I’d just keep my eyes open, but I wouldn’t end the relationship. The fact that he told me when I confronted him is a good sign; though if we’ve been dating for 6 months, I’m a little troubled it hasn’t come up yet. We’ll see how it goes…
I would be weary of an ex giving me information, because its one sided and tainted. I am more worried about the ruining of credit than I am about the abuse, because we can square up one on one in the boxing ring if it comes to that and may the best man win. My biggest fear is that a dude would mess up my good financial standing, he would have to worry about me abusing him. This situation sounds like K.Michelle, people can change and grow and learn from a bad situation to be a better person and not be abusive in a new situation.
I do agree with Luckey, there is never a perfect person, and those who try to be are always flawed individuals, with deep dark demons they are trying to cover up.
Basically, when one finds or meet someone it is up to their discretion to handle the situation @ hand. Myself, I would have to date that person for awhile inorder to figure him out. Most people fall for anything male or female due to being her in other relationships and figure that they can not do any better, but sometimes one must wait and not jump into what comes their way!!!
phew, sounds like drama to me. firstly he has to make sure that is not anything that will happen secondly, i’ll actually start being slightly verbally abusive to him in a playful way, i’ always make hints like haha babe dont try me before i cut your lip…just to make sure he knows I’ll fuck him up in a heart beat if he tried it
I agree with random. I think him admitting it is a big move. Not saying he won’t do it, but at least he kept it real and showed some type of remorse. So I would stick it out with him, BUT THE MOMENT INSENSE SOMETHING WRONG OR MY ASSABT TO GET BEAT, I’m OUT
I take him the same way I’m coming to him: a flawed man trying to do better.
None of us are perfect and we all make mistakes. The experience his ex had with him is his ex’s problem. Not mine.
For one, no man I’m ever with will have access to any of my personal information. I don’t believe in joint bank accounts or shared credit cards. Two, I’ve been boxing for years. I’m more than capable of bodying a man if he ever jumps stupid.
How he is with me is all that matters to me and if we’ve gotten to the point of being together, then on some level I trust him.
Not to mention, the fact that I brought the information to him and he openly admits it tells me he’s not trying to hide anything and I like that.
If I haven’t seen any signs of abuse I would stick with my dude. But there would be a conversation to let him know that if he ever laid hands on me, he would die immediately.
I wouldn’t trust him anyway, because if he looks like dude in the photo, he shaves his pubic hair. Deal breaker.
That’s a deal breaker for me. If he is a changed man, we would have to be friends for a while. I been through the abusive shit (never physical) and I am the type that will hurt a dude if he tried to harm me in anyway. I know we have to give people a chance and all but those kind of people always seen too perfect in the beginning and end up being the devil himself. I couldn’t put up with that. I am the type that will investigate your ass. Ask your mama stuff, your best friend, your boss, you ex. I want the full report on you.
I don’t care how ‘perfect’ he may seem, you have to take that kind of thing VERY serious!