intense.
that’s the word that describes when you see him.
intense.
you can’t explain why,
but he makes you feel butterflies when you know he is around.
bad enough,
you think about him all the time.
you’re probably thinking about him right now as you read this.
Did he put a spell on you?
i mean,
you gotta wonder how this even started…
you weren’t even checking for him before.
he was someone you’d see in passing.
stupid cute,
but fine in certain angles.
something happened in between “in passing” and starting “being in your radar”.
it was low-key compliments,
staring,
other “out of character” shit,
and it was off to the races.
the hunter became the hunted.
this pineapple made his way all up in your conscious mind.
the game started and it has gotten rather…
intense.
now you’re stuck with wondering if he even likes you.
did you imagine all this shit?
how.
the fuck.
did this even happen?
it has gotten out of control.
how do you go back to the time before it became what it is now.
bring him all the way back to when he was someone you saw in passing.
now,
he sits on a pedestal like a whole king in your mind.
he doesn’t deserve that throne tho.
well,
not yet anyway.
you have to get confirmation that he feels something for you.
like you,
he has intense feelings as well.
if not,
you’re gonna be in deep shit when this spirals out of control.
you know it will.
This is legit me in a chapter or two, maybe three, of my life. It happened time and time again until it made me sick mentally. Feeling emotions of intense loneliness, shame, and fear I became silent. I lived in my head; my thought life became my escape route. It made me feel a sense of hope, perhaps satisfaction to a slight degree. What I’m saying is that I created all these imaginery notions and assumptions in my head until I could not anymore. I value friendship, respect, honesty, openness, homie vibes, chill-smooth times, and good convo. I guess growing up, the fear of my sexuality and my sexual urges towards guys allowed me to hide or enclose that part of myself because no one seems to understand the paradigms of love when it comes to male-to-male attraction. From societal standards, it is usually ok for females, but when a guy vibe or connect with one another, the guy will end it out of fear or ignore and do passive aggressive, undercover things to play it “safe.”
^omg thank you for sharing this.
it’s really sad when they ghost out of fear.
you are far down the rabbit hole until that happens smh