you have to ask yourself:
“What about your friends?”
the people you call “your friends”.
that title you attach to folks means a lot.
my version of being a friend might be different than others.
so i have to share something with the foxhole…
when i fell a few months back,
i was in tremendous pain.
one of my home-wolves said he had some “muscle relaxers” i could take.
we didn’t got a chance to link,
but i think God stopped it.
so i got through that pain with aleve,
but i was mad at him for not coming through to give it to me.
the other day we linked and he decided to hook me up with them.
i reminded him it was a couple months too late.
he gave me two small pills in a plastic baggy.
he never told me what they were,
but continued assuring me they were “muscle relaxers”.
so i’m thinking they were another version of a bumped up tylenol,
but my foxy senses were feeling weird about it.
“don’t take these before work.”
they’ll make you mad tired and lazy.”
if they’re muscle relaxers,
i’m not trying to be fucked up on the clock.
i figured they were a “saturday/lay in bed” type of situation.
“i’ll keep them in case i get injured again.”
i was watching “american crime story” and there was a scene about drug addiction.
i watched one of the characters get completely out of their mind.
it had me a little shook,
but something made me stop watching to look up the pills i got.
it was oxycodene,
which is an opioid.
it is also highly addictive.
i didn’t know how crazy they are until i googled and asked questions.
now the old me,
the depressed and low worth version,
wouldn’t even would have investigated what they were.
i would have taken them based on a friends recommendations.
the side effects of that shit blew me away.
the new me asked myself a ton of questions.
what if those pills fucked me up mentally?
what is i became addicted?
what if one pill killed me?
i imagined me not keeping up with the foxhole and losing it.
i saw me as a drug addict who lost his mind.
i have so much to lose and they were flushed immediately.
the alligators can enjoy it.
i’m so good.
i’m disappointed in myself that i didn’t turn them down initially tho.
i gotta also wonder:
Would a friend,
one who should know and understand me,
give me some shit like that?
the newer version of me is waiting to go the fuck off.
lowkey: one time for God tho.
i realize when things end,
or don’t happen,
it’s for a reason.
one time for me also.
i’m getting stronger.