Mention My Name.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tuniT4D9fmQ]
Is it bad that when you say “Devin Thomas”,
Foxes and Wolves everywhere think:
JAMARI FOX?
*evil grin*
Suicide.
So yestersday…
I was having another interesting conversation with Mister J through font. He was having one of his usual bad days and needed some text therapy from me.
“Where are you?” – He asked.
“Work, why wassup?”
“I’m having a bad day and I need someone to talk too.”
Okay. I’m never one to turn down a friend in need so I started to font with him. He went on about how he is lonely, he gave some female his info and she never hit him back after a week, and how he feels like no one cares about him.
“Are you saying I don’t care? Because I can go back to doing my paperwork.” I said, wondering where this was going.
“You don’t love me nigga PAUSE.”
“Yeah I actually hate you. You cracked the code.”
“Well you can’t hate me because you never chilled with me. Back then, I thought you were stuck up, cocky, and gay.”
What?
So I had to go in…because he probably thought I wouldn’t….
“Funny, I thought you were stuck up, gay, a man whore, ass kisser, and just straight up unfriendly.”
Which was true because I had my own opinions formed of him…
“You pre-judged me before you got to know me. That is a hate crime.”
Is he serious with that? Come on dude… He is obviously smoking crack or off his meds.
So I guess what I said affected him because a barrage of sad smiley faces came my way as the conversation went on. I obviously struck some nerve when I replied what I did.
So as the self help convo went on, I started finding myself getting bored. I was in a three way text conversation with him and this dude I met off an online site who wanted to taste the goodies. I was getting wrapped up in the better convo when I saw….
“I think Ima just end it all. Ima put this noose around my neck and jump”
…With a crying smiley next to it.
I rolled my eyes HARD. I felt it was an attention getting ploy. I was getting turned on by ol dude and my responses to Mister J were turning out very one wordish.
“Don’t do nothing stupid or I’m going to come over there and punch you in the mouth.” – I replied, tryna see where this was about to go.
I got no response. I called when I left work and still no response. I called and texted when I got in the house and still silent. I went and took a nap because I was frustrated with him at that point. Everyday he is having an emotional breakdown and as much as I give him proper Fox knowledge, he is still acting like he is a giant baby.
He texted me at 11 something with:
“I was having a bad day and needed some time. I’m just going through some issues.”
“Well I’m glad you are alive but you pissed me the fuck off. I’m going to bed.”
I got a reply:
“Night”
… A few minutes later.
He needs to be put on time out. I will not be speaking to him for a while. He let me see that he needs attention at all times and is very dependent. I would not have thought that was the inner turmoil he was facing from the facade he put up back in the day.
I couldn’t date his ass, I’m sorry.
Fuck him, yeah we can get it in. But DATE?
U must be crazy.
Brought To U By The Foxberry
The World is Yours.
People kill for it.
People kill themselves because they couldn’t get it.
One word that makes you intimidating and opens you up to anything your heart desires.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L53gjP-TtGE]
Naw, He Gay Tho.
Women defend men they fantasize about
to the death about whether he likes tacos or hot dogs.
Many woman want “fine ass man” sperm up in their guts.
It’s natural.
Men are here on earth to breed with women.
But, there are some men on Earth who are here to breed with… me.
Let’s take a walk.
Hamster Wheel
I’m going through changes.
I have been running on a hamster wheel for a number of years now. My insecurities were what was fueling me and kept me going and going; just like The Energizer Bunny on a sugar rush while sipping on a Red Bull. When I thought I was okay, I’d, some how and some way, get back on and start the same fuckin’ routine; the same fuckin’ story.
I would be out of breath and out of my mind. I would look at “a Devin Thomas” and say “He wouldn’t want my ass.” I mean, I’m not walking around with a dump truck on my back. I had this impression you needed an insta-giganta ass or be Thugnificent to entice all the boys. I would comment to Star Fox that he must be meeting “The Devin Thomas” type niggas cause of his bottom….. And funny enough, he was secretly admiring my shape, style, and swagg.
That is why I tell you that you never know who is looking at you.
When I started to look at myself and accept myself, my flaws, and my skin… I started to slow down my running. I also threw out that mental trap that being with a man would complete me. I was looking for someone to show me the love that I wasn’t giving myself. And truthfully, if “a Devin Thomas” didn’t want me then a) that is his loss and b) I probably wouldn’t want to deal with his ass anyway.
This Fox right hurrrrrr… is a work in progress and guess what? I may relapse and get back on the wheel for another spin. But, I like being where I am now. I am starting to feel comfortable in my own skin and open to what’s important: loving myself 200% with no regrets and no bullshit.
So, to all my Foxes, I say to you: let go and let love. You cannot move forth towards your blessing, holding onto the past or self esteem issues. Also, you cannot find any man to love you if you do not love yourself. Some of the dudes who are pimpin these niggas are not the best lookers but, they accepted themselves and learned some game. I know some bottoms who have these TOPS running around here all mentally fucked up. Plus, there are a ton of bottoms (or TOPS, if you are a TOP reading) competing to take your spot… So why would you let them? You want to be the rule and not the exception.
I feel great and from here on out, anything I want I will not let insecurity stop me. Whose with me?!
Life feels better when you are off the hamster wheel.
Brought 2 U by the Foxberry
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