i don’t have any friends in this life.
nope.
i don’t.
i really don’t.
some of you may not understand,
but some might.
let’s see…
i kinda think that it has been good to me quite honestly.
“i’m known to walk alone,
but i’m alone for a reason…”
i always related to that beyonce lyric.
it always reminded me of my life.
so i never ran in the gay circles like that.
like i knew gays in the entertainment industry,
but they were all sloppy morons to me.
going to gay clubs every night,
fucking like it’s going out of style,
and living this “trust no one, but i want to be trusted” lifestyle.
sounds like a majority.
i never really connected to anyone like i did with star fox.
it helped that we both came out to each other on the same day.
i remember it like it was yesterday.
i was scared,
but we ending up being attached to the hip for 12 years.
i was able to talk to him about everything.
hell we often talked about our dreams and where we wanted to go in life.
we inspired each other.
he had this way of letting me know when i was wrong.
(without making me feel like a complete dumbass.)
that’s one thing i loved about him.
he made me feel comfortable.
he taught me the proper techniques of cleaning myself before sex,
how to give good head,
and the most important:
don’t be so quick to jump to the dump.
“hi.
i’m jamari fox and i will drop you like a bad habit.”
i’m like runaway bride on these negros.
the first sign of drama and i’m gone.
at first it was hard if you were fine as hell,
but now,
i can leave you in the dust and keep on moving.
thing is star fox taught me how to forgive.
he also taught me that being bitter is not attractive.
i can admit i use to hold onto grudges.
not “out someone” or “tell their business” type of grudge.
my vice was “i am going to show you that you missed out on a great person”.
everyone likes to out each other once something “ends”.
i never understood that.
i never want to give anyone that satisfaction.
you can say whatever you want about me,
but just know,
at one point we were supposed “friends” so you proved you weren’t.
i don’t really fit in within this life.
don’t “aww”.
ive always been “different” in every jungle ive wandered into.
i’ve encountered all kind of jackals,
hyenas,
and the “i wear my sexuality on my forehead and you will too”.
they all act like ratchet hood females.
will smile in your face,
dog you out,
try to fight you if you confront them,
and will try to fuck your wolf behind your back.
look if i wanted to be a female,
i’d get a sex change.
word up.
nothing seems sacred in gay friendships.
there is no loyalty.
well unless you are the masculine fantasy we all desire.
at that point,
you’re only a prop to be fucked and passed around sooner or later.
so i kept myself out the gay drama and focused on my upkeep.
when i do let you in my life,
i give you the invisible “rope” you don’t know about.
once you hang yourself with said invisible rope then it’s “bye bye”.
i will give you the courtesy of throwing it on the branch tho.
i’m nice.
i guess being this person makes me different?
a weirdo?
a loner?
nah.
i just want real friends and i don’t want triflin’ homos taking that spot.
This post is one that speaks volumes! I too chose not to divulge in the stereotypes that society has placed on our community and race (e.g. gay clubs, easy sex, etc.) With that being said it can be a lonely walk but its one I travel freely to avoid unnecessary drama. I’ve had friendships that lasted for a season, I kid you not 6 months and once the weather changed so did they. It made me realize that I’m my own best friend and my personal space should be shared with those that require the serenity it possses.
Great post, I only have one other gay male friend (not by choice I would love more) and we are so different to the lifestyle. I guess you can call us late bloomers, we’re shy, not really club people, and we put a lot into friendships. We talk about wolves we’re seeing and support each other. There’s no fake or messy crap here, but that’s how all my friendships are.
I really hope you find another friend like that again and me too!
You’re completely correct. Having loyal friends in life is hard. I have two that I consider as loyal friends, and they don’t even know everything about me. You never know how vindictive a person will be, once you fall out with them.
I understand what your saying, however I dont believe others would. There was a natural dark skinned woman on beatheny show that said pretty much what you said and beatheny was asking people how they feel about her comment and people was so rude to her on that show only two people stood up and agreed with her. I was some what shocked that people was so upset and angry it makes sense not to want negitive people around. I suppose the ones that was mad was the no good blood sucking negitive friends?
I remember I sent you the email about my experience with friends in this “lifestyle” and how it is almost hard to find a guy friend in this lifestyle that doesn’t secretly wanna fuck you when it’s all said and done.
That’s why I mostly hang with straight males and females and lesbians. I just can’t deal with gay men sometimes just for that reason. Or that constant need to be over the damn top. ugh.
^im so glad people can relate with me.
that has truly been a blessing.
i don’t feel so alone.
Wow. You said enough for the both of us. I’m speechless.
I agree with what all you guys are saying, It’s hard to find a true friend in the gay lifestyle, due to jealousy, competition and sometimes just plain triffleness. I’ve always been kind of loner and I let few people into my inner circle. I believe in karma, that if you want a good friend, you must be a good friend.
I totally understand where you are coming from. I have trouble with friends in this lifestyle myself. I have gotten a rid of all my friends, and for a variety of reasons. All of my friends are straight, of course it will not remain that way, but it is for now lol. I just cannot have negativity around me anymore. If you surround yourself with negativity, the negativity will eventually rub off on you, which I will not allow.
From experience, when a person is a bad friend, jealousy usually is not far away, remember that. Some of you know what I mean. You are good friends to them, but they are shitty friends to you, and you can’t figure out why. I be thinking to myself, I know what it is. However, I am the type of person who tries to uplift people up to my level, but if they do not want to be uplifted, I have to leave them be and move on with my own life. I cannot keep on spending my time trying to give people confidence and make them feel good when they put themselves down continuously.
I feel that if I was insecure, with a low self-esteem, and no self respect for myself, more men in this lifestyle would flock to me, but it is fine because I take it as a compliment lol. Straight people love me, male and female, but with gay men is where I have the problem. I have a high self-esteem, I am confident, I look and feel good and that will never change. I am not sorry for that.
^facts!
TOTALLY understand your post!! I’ve been that way as well, but sadly in my case, those who I thought were friends were not friends at all. That saying, when you’re at your lowest is when you’ll know who your real friends are, is so true! When I lost my father and grandparents back-to-back, none of the friends I’d known most of my life were around. The new friends I’d made while in college were the ones who stepped up to console/comfort me. When older friends thought I was coming into money from my dad’s insurance, they started to come around. Their excuses were I thought you might want some space. Yeah, whatever. Next!
So after doing some cleansing, I now have five individuals that I call my friends, everyone else is an acquaintance. Two are straight, the other three are gay. I’m glad that my gay friends are not the messy type and don’t feel the need to be involved with drama.
^love this comment christian.
you are more blessed than you think.