gas still off
window still broke
i haven’t had a haircut since the dark ages
landlord giving me the run around
surviving off the little food/juice i have
toaster oven and hot plate are the move right now
it’s a tough time in my world,
but it’s starting to be the calmest i’ve ever been as well…
for a long time,
i was trying to be like everyone else.
everyone else looked successful,
wore it on their social media’s proudly,
and lived these amazing experiences.
i mean do shit when i can,
but i’m also not wearing $600 kicks doing it right now.
my motivation to succeed was based on everyone else.
it was like high school all over again.
instead of gear,
or the cool cubs table,
well the same thing,
but just plastered on social media.
see that’s the problem.
basing our lives on others due to what they post on social media.
no matter if it’s a lie or not.
here i have this successful blog,
full of views and loyal readers,
but i’m pinching pennies to buy something to eat.
something must be wrong with me
after hitting this rock bottom,
i’ve started to realize that i’m right where i need to be.
well the way i’m starting to see it,
everything doesn’t always happen when you want it.
i thought i’d be working at this job,
the ceo wolf would live up to his promise,
and i’d be on a new playing field with the foxhole.
instead i’m sitting hairy on unemployed,
wrapped up in a parka so i don’t catch pneumonia,
and looking like,
“who shot john and ran?”.
i’m confident enough to say:
i don’t know what the fuck i’m doing
it’s okay to admit that.
all i know is i wake up and do it.
what you’re reading right now.
do the best that i can as i figure out how to turn water into wine.
i’ve cut off a ton of those i know because my focus was elsewhere.
i’m actually improving my self esteem in this “rock bottom” phase of my life.
that means change is coming.
a damn good change that i’m finally doing for me.
low key: this youtube video also helped me as well…