I Wanted It So Bad That I Just Put It All In My Mouth

i had half a sausage this morning and i’m still hungry…

have you eaten yet?
i mean, are you full?
i had to ask because i am starving.
i haven’t had anything fulfilling to eat in a while now.
maybe because i’m comfortable?
i don’t know…
i have noticed some of us are very hungry.
but, what are we doing?
are we waiting for some magical meal to pop out the sky?

i started to wonder…

Are you really where you need to be?

i was talking to someone about love and hiphop atl yesterday.
we were having a huge discussion about all the fuckery that ensued.
we started to talk about k michelle, joseline, and the difference between both of them.
they were saying k michelle is comfortable in her place because she can sing.
she is not as hungry as joseline, or even karlie redd.
joseline, however, ain’t trying to go back to that “skrip khub“.
she has made herself the bigger star out of all of them without even trying.
you ever notice that people with talent just expect shit,
where people who are just naturally hungry strive for more and generally make it?

… so i’m back at my job and i’ll be honest with cha’ll.
even though it’s temporary,
i’m over it.
coming back here made me see that i couldn’t make this my life story.
i’m even still telling myself this cannot be my life again.
even in a new department, i see sadness.
i look around at these familiar walls and although they are a nice shade of white,
they make me feel like i’m some sort of cage.
can i just tell cha’ll that things are so different?
so many people got let go during the months i was gone.
people who were in higher positions got downgraded, like my old boss.
i come home and i’m exhausted.
can’t even function on writing something for you guys.
really????

i’m not saying i’m not grateful.
i am very grateful to get a second chance to prove myself.
i pray to god daily for providing me with blessings.
but, a lot of my old people are so unhappy and feel like they are in a dead-end.
people who were here for years are getting the shitty end of the stick,
while new people who kiss ass/sucking and fucking are moving higher up the food chain.
it got me wondering what i have found myself back into?

are you happy?
i mean, satisfied with how your life is?
or, do you want more?
and really, how do we get it?
we see stories of people who it seems things come easy for.
but, why isn’t it happening to you yet?
the struggle is all too real.
that is the scary thing about life because you just don’t know where you will end up.
people at the top fall off and the ones at the bottom eventually crawl to the top.
but, i had to ask…

Are we missing out because we aren’t hungry enough?

3 thoughts on “I Wanted It So Bad That I Just Put It All In My Mouth

  1. I just started a new job and im already determined not to get too complacent. Thats how most of these jobs get you and the ones at the top are the only ones winning.

    I think I want to get my masters and then go to nursing school.

  2. It has never been about talent and drive, it has always been about tenacity.

    There is no set plan, how creative can you be regardless of your present circumstances, and how hard are you willing to go after your happiness right now.

    Keep these things in mind while you plot and strategize and enjoy the journey because you’ll wash, rinse, and repeat the process once you reach your destination.

    Write out the end result of whatever it is you want to be or experience and put it somewhere you can see daily.

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