something so hard to build,
and so easy to be broken.
we learn early on how to trust our parents.
well we had no choice.
they had to feed,
and protect us.
when we got into the real world,
we started meeting friends.
we would tell them our secrets with hope of them locking them away.
well it isn’t until someone comes along and breaks that trust,
maybe a few times,
that we start putting up walls and being extremely guarded.
i can say that is how my life has turned out.
you want to know something about me?…
i have been hurt by people so much,
used and back stabbed,
that now its hard for me to trust anyone.i met so many people who i thought were worthy of my trust,
and then BOOM,
they did something to fuck it up.
not just fuck it up,
but break my heart in the process.
this was family,
and jackal or hyenas in wolf fur.
last night i went to a bbq.
someone that i thought i could trust showed up.
i stopped speaking to them due to something they did to me,
but being the bigger person,
i tried to reach out and say “wassup”.
well everything was cool until the dranks and weed started flowing.
can you believe they flipped the script on ME?
causing this scene and made me look like i was the one who was wrong?
i was so fuckin tite,
but i tried to play it off with a smile.
i can’t let people get the best of me in person.
needless to say i came home,
got unforgivably drunk as fuck,
and took it out on someone else.
i started questioning who they were as a person.
i started going in on the trust they had for me.
drunk words and accusations are not a good mix.
well i may have ruined a potential relationship.
so much so,
after reading what i wrote in my drunken stuper,
i feel like i want to cry.
so now i’m sitting here,
feeling like shit,
throwing up my regrets in a trash can,
and wondering when did i let my walls take over my life?
i can name so many incidents where i have been betrayed.
i am a good person,
with a great heart,
yet people always try to take me for granted.
it kind of reminds me of the movie malificent.
she trusted a man and he betrayed her.
he betrayed her in a way that was absolutely cruel.
it caused her to become the dark villian-ess she was known for.
so what she do?
take all her rage out on everyone.
it wasn’t until she met someone who genuinely loved her,
someone she least expected,
that she returned back to her true self.
i connected with her story.
sadly i may have chased those people away.
good people who may have been interested in me and my well being.
i sincerely apologize.
i just want to let go of my past.
and the people that have crippled me for all these years.
i miss having star fox to guide me.
he was truly my angel that was helping me learn to trust.
it’s been so hard ya’ll,
and i’m so tired,
but i realize i have to start somewhere.
why not today?