there is a scene in season 4 of “the crown” that stuck with me.
it is the final scene where princess diana is standing amongst the royal family for a photo.
she realizes she’s on the outside of that family and had to fake a smile that wasn’t genuine.
we don’t know what people are suffering in silence with.
social media has a way of making everyone look better than you.
twitter shows everyone is wittier,
ig shows everyone is better,
and clubhouse shows everyone is more successful.
we go to folk’s social media and they look happy.
in these loving relationships,
and their skin is clear and glows from the Gods of all skincareia.
we don’t realize there is another story that isn’t being told.
if you look at me,
^this guy is quite alright.
he has a personality,
and quite charming.
he has an amazing website,
a dope community,
looks pretty comfortable in his own skin,
and probably has males (and some vixens) trying to get at him.
on an aspect of his life,
that is true.
behind all the pictures and videos,
he does suffer in silence.
i was doing so well and learning to be in the flow state.
i got some news that threw me off this week.
it didn’t help i went snooping when i said i was gonna stop.
10 outta 10; don’t recommend.
because of that,
everything became out of wack.
my anxiety has been at 20,
i’ve been throwing up like crazy during the night,
my sleep schedule is off,
my mind is all over the place,
and i feel this ding of worthlessness and hopelessness.
i feel like i wasted a shit ton of time on someone that i shouldn’t have,
i’m on a strict budget,
and i feel so lonely and underappreciated.
if you saw me in person or on social media tho,
i’d never give off that impression because i’d put that mask of “i’m good” on.
i tend to be an open book on the foxhole,
but most people i know don’t know about this world and community.
you can be blessed and still suffer.
material possessions and “fun moments” don’t erase trauma and depression.
people have taken their own lives after being the life of the party.
this only puts a mask over it until we have to confront ourselves again.
this is why i feel like this is why some people choose to stay busy and be outside.
this is why some only feel whole in a relationship,
regardless if it’s terrible because they don’t want to be alone.
There are males who are gay/bi,
but forced to be in relationships with women because they can’t (or don’t know how) be themselves.
They’re literally on auto-pilot as they fake a smile for their family and friends.
There are celebrities who,
even after having the world at their disposal,
are ready to be the next headline of someone who took their own life.
There are parents who hate that they had kids.
They feel like they ruined their lives having kids,
but don’t want to be shamed for admitting they really hate their children.
so when we see the pictures and the videos,
we assume everything is all good.
we can say “be kind” to everyone but that’s impossible.
there are people we can’t exactly be “kind” to.
they are assholes who roam these forests,
but even those folks are suffering from something as well.
You just never know.
we can’t always trust pretty pictures or lit videos.
those tend to be distractions from what’s really going on.
sometimes what someone is suffering with behind the lens will shock you.
lowkey: i just want things to change so i can be happy again.
i want things to go back to how they were or…
is that isn’t wise?
i want to feel like how i felt last week.