“instead of spreading my legs,
i spread my emotional walls.
i hate that i did that.
i know that i want to be liked…
to be loved…
to be fucked…
but i gotta make these wolves earn that part of me.
maybe even everyone?”
it’s the feeling you get when the vibe changes.
texts become less and less.
“What did I do wrong?”
“Was it me?”
you hit them up and they claim it’s not like that,
but their actions tell a whole nother story.
that is me right about now.
i have a habit of self blaming.
i been doing it these last few days.
i went out with a wolf that i thought would change my life.
he was everything,
paid for everything.
conversation was great.
the vibe was great and we have a lot in common.
even during our date,
he claimed he wanted to see me again.
“i’m not like other wolves…”
i was with the wolf of my fantasies tho.
i did get an expensive meal and a movie of my choice.
no money out of my pocket.
i didn’t get on my knees to “pay for it” after,
but i felt i something worse.
My opened myself up to let him in
maybe i should have been more aloof?
that is where i feel fucked.
i don’t think most wolves like me for me.
the genuine me.
i’m glad i went through everything with work wolf.
i got much stronger,
learned what i won’t tolerate,
and able to see myself in a new light.
no one wants to feel emotionally used tho.
they lead you down this path,
make you feel like they gonna be there,
or they aren’t like everyone else,
and then leave your ass high and dry.
that isn’t fair.
I’m not a robot
I’m not a cell phone
I’m not a laptop
I’m not a tv
i’m a human fuckin being with feelings.
i can’t be strong all the time.
this is how i been feeling and it sucks,
but with everything and everyone else,
this too shall pass.
lowkey: there is “good” in goodbye,
even if you have to wonder what the good actually is.