“gay out”: the sequel to “get out” that a lot of black gay males are in

i’d date a white male,
but i wouldn’t turn into “one of those brothas“.
you know the types.
they start dating “white” and completely lose themselves.
that might be where the confidence within myself comes into play.
i don’t switch up with whoever comes into my life.
the truth of the matter is:

Many black gay males get turned out after dating white males.

…which is similar to how straight black males operate with white and “other” vixens.
we really are no different besides the sex and that isn’t even that difference.
a vixen was telling me about an experience with a straight wolf she knows

the wolf is good friends with a gay male.
platonic.
he is pretty sexy and charsmatic so i think that helps  too.
so his gay friend invited him to a cookout at his crib a couple of weeks ago.
when the straight wolf arrived,
he noticed that all the gays were coupled up with white partners.


the straight wolf is single and dates black vixens.
do you know…

The black gay males were trying to convince him to exclusively date white vixens.

according to them,
white partners were better than black ones.
he said it was like a scene out of the sequel to “get out”.
i guess we can call it “gay out“.

as straight males,
and in my opinion,
i feel they have more power in their dating choices.
they can date whoever and set up shop.
in some instances:

Many gay males don’t have that kind of dating power

…or we CHOOSE not to have that kind of dating power.
so when we meet most gay males,
regardless of race,
we end up settling in fear of being alone.
worst is when we settle for open relationships just to keep the peace.
controversial statement ahead:

Many black gay males are dating their mirror images in the most narcissistic of ways.

whereas i feel straight males date/marry whoever to see where it goes.
i see a lot of “black on black” gay dating on social media,
but in real life,
i see a shit ton of interracial relationships for straight and gay males.
don’t even get me started at some of the black males in corporate.
i’ve seen more interracial couples than anything else.

it was really irresponsible of them in trying to convince him to date strictly white.
that isn’t groundbreaking and some black straight males tend to sell out for white approval.

i don’t have an issue with anyone dating outside their race,
but i do have an issue when they think the other race is better than their own.
you shouldn’t limit yourself because you may find happiness in another neighborhood,
but once you start the switching up like you heard a teacup clink

…that is when i have an issue.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

40 thoughts on ““gay out”: the sequel to “get out” that a lot of black gay males are in

  1. I actually agree with their perspective. I’m at a place where I truly believe the majority of black gay/bi men are not currently relationship material. Not because they are not worthy partners but because their complexes (masc/fem, colorism, sexual position embodiment, narcissism, age discrimination, etc) hold them back because they won’t engage in healing tools such as therapy. The white gay community (well white men and women in general) have no problem going to see therapists. Unfortunately community as a whole does not have the same perspective. Therapy is looked at as a crutch. You should be able to just pray, do no work, and have the situation miraculously disappear. It does not normally work that way, but we’ve been conditioned to believe that is how it works. When that perspective changes amongst our community I believe relationships and perspectives that many have on dating black men will change as well. Until then send Thor my way.

    1. “I actually agree with their perspective. I’m at a place where I truly believe the majority of black gay/bi men are not currently relationship material.”

      Unfortunately as much as I hate to admit it, I can’t disagree with this statement.

      I’ve settled into the notion of staying happily single.
      When I retire and move West in a few years that might change but I’ve completely given up on any notion of meeting a compatible black dude in the East.

      But This…

      “I don’t have an issue with anyone dating outside their race,
      but i do have an issue when they think the other race is better than their own.”

      This hits hard for me.

      I myself am not attracted to white men physically at all and I don’t have an issue with anyone who does but I have no stomach for those that act like and or say things that lead me to believe that they think white flesh is “superior”.
      I also because of my own hang ups would find it difficult to be able to maintain an attraction to a dude if I found out he liked to be penetrated by white dudes.

      I feel like a lot of them do, I can be their buddy, friend and neighbor but the notion of them physically is personally repulsive to me and I don’t understand the attraction to them unless it’s some soul-mate type level but to each their own I guess.

      1. ^ “I also because of my own hang ups would find it difficult to be able to maintain an attraction to a dude if I found out he liked to be penetrated by white dudes.”

        are you a fox speaking for a wolf hybrid?
        if me,
        being a fox,
        dated and smashed a white wolf,
        is it the same?

        i tend to look at coons like this.
        i tend to imagine them slave rp’ing.

        1. Apologies, I’m not sure I understand completely.
          you’re asking if hypothetically say I meet a bottom dude and he’d been the previous penetrator top to a white dude, would it be an issue?

          Nope, not at all.

          “i tend to imagine them slave rp’ing.”

          I go farther and see it as a step above beastiality.
          My peen would not work for my dude (If I had a dude) and I knew he had been penetrated by white peen.

          1. ^ ok that makes sense and yes,
            that’s what i mean.

            i find it weird when a male who wouldn’t let a black male penetrate them but would get penetrated and swallow the whole dick.
            that would get turn me off as a fox.

          2. “i find it weird when a male who wouldn’t let a black male penetrate them but would get penetrated and swallow the whole dick.
            that would get turn me off as a fox.”

            One of my first early arranged supposed to be a hook-up experiences was with a weird dude like that.
            I remember him going into great detail about the “beauty” of blonde white dudes and what he let them do to him but wouldn’t with a fellow black man.

            If I stood next to him right now I couldn’t remember his face but I remember his straightened hair and alien looking colored contacts and my disappointment which turned to disgust.

      2. “I also because of my own hang ups would find it difficult to be able to maintain an attraction to a dude if I found out he liked to be penetrated by white dudes.”

        “I go farther and see it as a step above beastiality.
        My peen would not work for my dude (If I had a dude) and I knew he had been penetrated by white peen.”

        Man, these are sickening statements, and perhaps a proving of my initial point that many of us need therapy. I’d even go as far as to say rather racist. Why does it bother you to that degree that you would dismiss an entire person based solely on them previously being penetrated by a white man? Furthermore the comparison to sexual interaction with animals is beyond fucked up. How would you feel if a man you had an interest in said he was utterly disgusted that you penetrated men shorter than him, or heavier than him, or with longer hair than him, or any other physical attribute that was different than him? To me a sexy man is a sexy man, whether he’s “blonde and blue eyed” or “blue black”. You’d do well to look into speaking to a therapist about your own hang ups in that area.

        1. Wow! Little bit of a melodramatic over reaction.

          To each their own.
          I once fisted a dude when I was really young.
          I could see mentioning that to a potential interest
          and that sickening and disgusting them and I could understand.
          Everyone has some sort of hang up on something,
          that’s part of the circle of personalities
          and I’ve dealt with it a lot better than you seem to with mine
          despite not knowing me.

          You finding attractiveness in a dude
          despite their race is cool for you, Mazel!

          I’m not one that does.
          I don’t see the jump to diagnosing therapy over a preference.
          Sounds like a bit of a projection.

          1. Not at all an overreaction. If you see no problem with comparing interracial sexual relationships to bestiality then I have nothing else to say to you man. That’s not merely preference, that’s much deeper.

          2. LOL so as long as the black man is playing the racist stereotypical BBC mule to the submissive white man then he is OK for you. Talk about hang ups alright. Sounds like a “you” problem to me.

          3. “ Sounds like a “you” problem to me.”

            It’s a me thing but completely not a problem at all by my own standard and that’s all that counts!

            We all like or can tolerate different things, especially sexually.
            I don’t get why y’all are so bothered by mine.

    2. As a retired Psychotherapist who have worked with white male couples, I can tell U many of these white male couples have more problems, issues than U would believe.. They are just as or even more fucked up as everyone else.

  2. I am in a relationship with a wonderful black male. I prefer Black males.( I have dated white males before).

    Black males are diverse, intelligent ,physically beautiful and share a conscious spiritual bond that I need.

    I find it ” Interesting ” how Any Race or Culture refuses to date anyone within their own ‘Race or Culture “.

    [ Example; Kim Kardashian and her sisters date exclusively black] Very interesting to me.

    I am not against black gay males dating white males. I am against anyone thinking that Black Gay Males aren’t “Relationship material”. In fact , as a Gay Black Male I am offended!

    1. Apologies iffuns I was one to offend.
      I agree with you and unfortunately in my own long lived experiences, I’ve not met and or been compatible with another black dude on that level…for long.

      “I am in a relationship with a wonderful black male.”

      That’s a beautiful thing to hear and I hope y’all have many happy years together!

      1. Thank you Unkie CJ. (Smile)

        I appreciate your gesture and I am so sorry that you have encountered Black Gay Males who didn’t recognize all that you offer. I am also aware of the difficulties of dating . I just wanted to offer another side and give hope that it can work.

        I know you will find happiness . Life can be amazing with each day a chance to build upon the last. You will find love and love isn’t A color ,A Culture or A Race( smile).

        1. You do definitely offer another side that sounds like it comes from a place of happiness.
          That’s kinda awesome and I appreciate hearing and knowing that there are brothas out there that have found and are capable of cultivating and maintaining a relationship.

          I may not have the love of a dude as a partner
          but I actually do have a lot of love in my life from my Family and “Small Council”,
          sometimes too much love from them, LoL

    2. Go back and read. “Unkie CJ” has voiced his opinion but as for mine, my own initial statement was; “…I truly believe the MAJORITY of black gay/bi men are not currently relationship material.”

      ma·jor·i·ty: (noun)-1. the greater number.

      I did not say ALL. So if you are the exception that’s great, I applaud you. This was not a bashing of my community, it was my personal contribution to a dialogue. I agree with you that the black man is a phenomenal and divine masterpiece that mesmerizes me every day, as I both look in the mirror and around me. However, my frustration currently outweighs my mesmerization. In my experience, and the experience of many others, we have come to the conclusion that at this present point, most black gay/bi men are not relationship material. Can that change on an individual and collective basis? Yes it can. But the fact remains most have harmful (often inherited) personal perspectives that prevent them from doing the work to alter the individual and collective perspective. As for the example you used with the Kardashians, it would depend on which sisters you speak of. Kim is multiracial or at the very least multiethnic. Armenians are people of color. Like us they endured centuries of ethnic discrimination, and it was not until they immigrated to America that they became white in the eyes of many. So if we call out Kim for refusing to date within her race, then we need to partially call out Mariah as well.

      1. Oh wow, you met a majority of black men, that’s cool. (Sarcasm)
        Your personal experience is not fact. I am sorry that most of the men you met aren’t relationship material. Perhaps at this point it’s not the men, but you, who arent currently relationship material. It’s common to assume there is something wrong with everyone else without looking at our selves, but if you keep seeing the same issues, it’s you and not them.

  3. As I’ve said in a previous entry I used to be infatuated by a Dominican guy who checked all my boxes (I ignored his flaws and red flags) he ended up telling me during casual convo he liked older white men and when I asked why he said because they let him “do whatever” so in other words sexually take them to pound town, not argumentative, pretty much come and go as he pleases — but that’s the dynamic they prefer

    The men don’t want to be challenged they want a door mat this is why social media is trying to normalize the open / nsa relationship

    1. In addition, gays want you to play into a trope so if you notice lighter skinned men don’t necessarily need to be carved and muscular bc their attractiveness is assumed by their skin tone

      Darker men often have to be gym slayed, dominant 12 inch bbc to have the same following a basic ls man can have

      1. Thanks for saying this. I’ve also noticed that the colorism really plays a huge role in desirability, and it seems like ds men have to really be bringing it in terms of body, dick, funds, etc. to be competitive with basic ass ls and white dudes. As a ds dude, I attract 75% ls dudes, despite the fact that I love love love ds dudes like myself. I like ls dudes fine too, but many of the ones that I attract have huge egos and assume that I’m going to put them on a pedestal. When I treat them like meh, they get butt hurt and pouty. I hate that energy, but so many of them get away with it because there’s an endless supply of people to gas them up simply because they have ls.

        I’ve always been iffy about white dudes because of the racism of white people at large and their penchant for fetishizing black people, However, I’m also starting to become leery of black men as well due to the rampant colorism I’ve encountered, even when it’s not been directed towards me. I don’t want to date big-headed ls and I don’t want to date self-loathing ds either.

    2. ^the white males do loves their visits to pound town on the bbc express.

      “they let him “do whatever” so in other words sexually take them to pound town, not argumentative, pretty much come and go as he pleases
      The men don’t want to be challenged they want a door mat this is why social media is trying to normalize the open / nsa relationship”

      i can def see this and i think thats why most black males go out of their race.
      many of us dont want to be challenged.
      hell,
      the straights don’t even wanna pursue a woman anymore.
      this is all a mess.

  4. I used to date only black men exclusively, but I do feel that as a collective, outside the smoke and mirrors of social media, the majority of black men don’t have it together. I’m not gonna compare other communities, as I only belong to the black community so I can speak on that. I found myself dating a 24 year old white boy who is pretty fucking amazing. Mind you, I didn’t actively seek out someone white, it just happened and we connected. Works at the university, a go getter, beautiful apartment, kind and sweet personality, Master’s degree. I feel compelled to break it off with him though, because I don’t have my shit together. It’s sad because I really want to explore this with ole boy, but it’s wouldn’t be fair to either one of us. Regardless of the color of my mate, I want to be able to match his fly. I can, but not at this present time. The coronavirus fucked up a lot for me. It’s sad, but it’s the truth and I don’t want to waste anyone else’s time. A lot of us are in my same predicament, that we don’t have it together but we still want to pursue? How can you be okay with having a complete partner, but you’re a fraction? Say “NO” to unequal relationships!!!!!

    I also find it weird that some black men and women don’t date their own and actually shun thier own . Like I know a Trinidadian woman who has a white husband and told me her ex husband is black and how she can never love a black man because of her and her ex’s past. So i’m thinking what if this white man messes up, you gonna stop dating white people too? We have this thing in the black community that we think we are legit the bottom tier in choices and that isn’t true. I don’t boost other races ahead of my own, as I’ve dated black before, but ultimately I want to be loved. If I can get understanding and love from any other race, I will accept it. Life is too short

      1. It’s important to have your own so you don’t depend on somebody else, but realize not everyone values the same thing. Money is super important because it’s been a struggle much of your life, but to people with money, they don’t always think about it. They are free to value other things like kindness, and compassion, intelligence, etc. Know your worth.
        You might be broke, but stimulate his mind like no other.
        People are that nice, a guy won’t be with you out of charity. If he is with you it’s because he values you.

    1. This comment was everything. I sincerely applaud your transparency and for sharing so genuinely with us. You’ve made a lot of very valuable and valid statements that I believe further open up this dialogue into other branches. This is something that needs more conversation within our community from so many directions.

    2. That white boy is slutting all over town. He knows he is the best you can do. But he can do better because he is white. You just embarrassing yourself. Do you eat the crumbs that fall off his plate too? Youre a joke. Kill yourself dude. frfr Kill yourself.

    3. I think you are prioritizing the wrong things. Your guy has a career and money, that doesn’t make him better than you. He is with you for a reason. You have to understand what you bring to the table. If you tell yourself he can do better he might start to feel that way too.
      Low self worth will doom this and every relationship you have.

    4. first he says

      “the majority of black men don’t have it together.”

      then he says

      “I don’t boost other races ahead of my own”

      Contradictions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. I once read an article about a well-to-do Black man who said his grandmother said to not act impressed at the opera, at art galleries, at mansions, etc

    She said to save the awe and gushing for when they got home. That it’s important to not let white people think you’ve never seen nice things or they’ll look down on you even more.

    This is how I see many in interracial relationships. Acting so “thank you for showing me the world!” It’s cringey and tacky and that’s what I got from them trying to convince him.

    “Girl, He made my credit score go up by kissing me and introduced me to foie gras! Get you a white boy!”

  6. For Christ’s sake, I have so much to say and so little time to say it.

    Perhaps it’s because I’m a bit of a history and sociology buff, but I just can’t help see this conversation–and the resulting comparison of black and white gay men as romantic partners–through a historical and sociological lens… I guess you can say I like to put people into proper context and glean from that context the answers to why people act (collectively and individually) as they do.

    We can’t ask ourselves things like, “why does it seem like the majority of black men don’t have their shit together like the white gays” without putting certain things into context.

    Keep in mind, many of the things that make white gay men have “their shit together” are the direct or indirect result of benefitting from a racial caste system that has never in its 400+ year existence negatively impacted them like it has black gay men.

    For black gay men, the inverse of the above statement is true.

    I got more to say, but me and my big Jimmy Neutron head-ass gotta blast! lol

    1. Facts. People often forget or choose to ignore the sociological and historical factors at play. Like it or not, race informs all aspects of our lives.

  7. Y’all really think y’all be doing something with these tired ass conversations about interracial dating.

    Y’all don’t get tired of repeating the same shit.

If you wouldn't say it on live TV with all your family and friends watching, without getting canceled or locked up, don't say it on here. Stay on topic, no SPAM, and keep it respectful. Thanks!