so okay its that time again!
i’m on chapter 5 in “no more mr. nice guy”,
which is titled:
“reclaim your personal power”
i’m seeing how being a “nice guy” has been the wrong move.
i was doing it and putting myself in the wrong.
here are my answers to the “break free” questions.
you are my safe animal so let’s gooooooo…
Breaking Free Activity #17
Look over the following list of ways Nice Guys try to create a smooth, problem-free life. Write down an example of how you used each coping mechanism in childhood. Then, next to each, give an example of how you use this strategy to try to control your world in adulthood. Note how each of these behaviors keeps you feeling like a powerless victim. Share this information with a safe person.
● Doing it right.
cub – trying not to do anything that would upset my parents
i usually failed with them because i always did “something” wrong in their eyes
adult – trying to not do anything that would offend anyone.
expecting that if i do something,
others will also respond the same way.
● Playing it safe.
cub -didn’t want anyone to call me “gay” or think of me that way
always tried to “fit in” with the straights
adult – trying to do everything by the book
holding back my opinion and regretting not saying it later on
● Anticipating and fixing.
cub – nothing really
adult – trying to fix others problems/anticipating when they will mess up
● Trying not to rock the boat.
cub -doing things to avoid getting beat
adult – with wolves,
i try to not be “myself” in order to be liked
meaning try to fit in with my interpretation of “sexy”
● Being charming and helpful.
cub – i was always charming and helpful
adult – i’m charming,
but not being helpful to myself
● Never being a moment’s problem.
● Using covert contracts.
cub – on people to get them to appreciate me
adult – still the same
● Controlling and manipulating.
cub – i tried to control by temper tantrums/spoiled attitude
adult – withdrawing when upset/cutting myself off from the world
● Caretaking and pleasing.
cub – was looking for that
adult – do it with close friends i felt were going in the wrong direction
● Withholding information.
cub – didn’t want to do it because i was scared they would leave
adult – same,
but not as bad
● Repressing feelings.
cub – would agree to something if i didn’t want to
adult – repressed a lot of feelings with work wolf/honest with my friends
● Making sure other people don’t have feelings.
● Avoiding problems and difficult situations.
cub – would run from problems
adult – don’t try to step on toes
Breaking Free Activity #18
Think about one “gift” from the universe which you initially resisted but can now be seen as a positive stimulus for growth or discovery.
i can say that situation brought me down.
he is gone and i’ve taken responsibility for my part.
the part that hurt was not getting closure.
without him leaving,
i wouldn’t have discovered this book and how to work on me.
Are there any similar gifts in your life right now to which you need to surrender? Share this information with a safe person.
i need to just let her be and realize this is who she is.
Breaking Free Activity #19
Pick one area in your life in which you routinely feel frustrated or out of control. Step back from the situation.
Is the difficulty you are having with the situation the result of you trying to project the reality you want to believe onto it?
If you had to accept the reality of this situation, how might you change your response to it?
i can’t and shouldn’t be helping everyone
1 fear: killing myself out of depression
if i ever speak to work wolf again,
ill use this exercise on him.
this is the only situation i can say is prominent right now.
i’ll start this today.
until next time!