When we meet someone that we think is the one,
we suddenly close up shop and put that freshly painted:
But, what happens when we jump the gun and fail to realize
that person you THINK is the 1 is really a -1?
He is just the generic version of what we want, same contents, but just a lower price to pay.
Are we suppose to trial, error, and then a few more errors until we meet Mr. Right?
Or is does it usually end up being one long trial that will ultimately end up in dead lock?
I found myself asking these questions
as I looked at someone’s relationship and realized it was completely doomed.
Fox thinks it is long lasting.
Wolf thinks its just long.
Long enough for him to stick his tongue down every Tom, Dick, and Asshole at the club.
(that club outing brought about ALOT of entries so stay tuned)
What is a Fox to do when he finds himself knee deep in love with a cleverly disguised “like“?
Do we hold on until we find someone else so we can break free?
Do we let go and continue the journey alone until we find another rest stop?
Or, do we wait him for to break up with us so we can label him “LOSER” when we ultimately lost?
So many questions falling like a sudden rain storm without an umbrella.
AND where is your umbrella anyway?
Did you forget to bring it because there was no rain cloud in sight?
After years of getting all wet, I like to carry one just in case….
You never know when there will be an unpredicted downpour.
The real question is:
Do we set ourselves up for relationship failure?
Yes and No = Maybe
Depends. If you never seen or had a healthy relationship–including the most important one: the relationship with yourself–then it will be next to impossible to emulate any kind of positive relationship with someone else.
I wish more people would stop settling, raise their standards, and stop being so fatalistic when trying to get with somebody. They are just another man (or woman if you’re in to that) with pasts, presents, and futures.
Truly something to think about:
If you don’t have love for yourself how can you expect anybody else to have love for you? (love in this instance is understanding compassion)
If you are a liar how can you expect truth and honesty?
If you are emotionally unavaible why insist your partners be emotionally available?
Opposites do indeed attract, but in relationships–romantic or otherwise–LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE. Complements stay together.
Find your lane, stay in it, and smile more dammnit!
^THIS
You did it again ICeeD.
Sometimes we thaw out the ice box and get caught out there. I understand. Our bullshit goggles get fogged up after a while. Its just another notch on the belt of knowledge. I liked someone. However, upon first meeting, my spirit told me he was into white men and check others. Didn’t listen, we flirted back and forth for over a year. One night I came out of my second job to see him and his white roommate walkin’ on tiptoe down the street holding hands….Dud to the negative second power. Most of the time our answers are in front of us, we just choose to overlook the obvious for different reasons( self esteem, 10 fat inches, looks like a football player, the list goes on).
So yes and no to your question. From time to time, we may set ourselves up for failure. Other times you just have to chalk it up to livin’…learnin and growin.
^How much living and learning do we need in order to finally past the test?
To answer the real question: YES!! People with poor to no boundaries, no clearly defined values, low self esteem or self worth, poor dating habits, people who date out of fear of being alone, or a combination of those do in fact set themselves up for relationship failure. Continuing to be with someone who has proven to be less than what you desire,who’s actions do not match their words, or who treats you like crap is in fact YOUR FAULT. Not communicating what you expect out of a relationship and not holding him and well as YOURSELF to those expectations is YOUR FAULT. Being with someone and tolerating poor behavior all the while hoping that someone better will come along is not going to lead to finding Mr. Right. At the same time, treating being single as the annoying time that you pass between relationships isn’t going to EITHER because it allows negativity, insecurity and fear, to be the drivers of your interactions and decisions.
So true. UrSoVain, you always come with all around honest,relatable perspective. Its so easy to settle and think that someone can fill the needs of now without thinking about later. I remember when I broke up with my “like” of 3 years, as soon as I got out that relationship I was on the hunt for my dream guy on the internet, at work, at the club, at the gym. I was an eye fucking mess just cheesing it up with guys that were simply flirting with me, trying to smash or liked me but I didnt like them so much. I will never do that to myself again. I may have done it in a discreet way but at the end of the day I was real… thirsty. I kept saying to myself I can handle a dude that will just want to fuck, I can handle a dude who just wants to flirt, or I can settle for using a guy who wants to give me attention but at the end of the day I was suppressing my real feelings and bringing in more problems. Who seriously wants to waste time figuring out how long will you deal with Mr. Ordinarily Temporary just for the hell of it? Finding that special someone is not some quick project. It doesn’t have a time limit and the results are more likely about finding out things about yourself so you can move on to the next. It sucked once I realize that was happening but now I’m content with being single. I forgot that when I was in a relationship that’s all I wanted.
There are so many of us who continue to do that everyday. Rock, you were lucky enough to realize that and stop that unproductive behavior but a lot of others don’t fair so well. Finding someone is all about having love and respect for yourself and then finding someone who doesn’t make you feel bad about yourself or who you settle for because you want attention.
^THESE