25 thoughts on “f0xmail: Can I Have Friends Who Aren’t Trying To Smash?”

1. I’m almost crying because this seems like something I that I wrote to the foxhole and just forgot that I had wrote it. When I tell you maintaining gay friendship is almost as hard as trying to run away from Vixen’s who see you as a potential mate because you got your swole game on. I am so tired. This year has proven to be too much with so called gay friends. The dudes who I thought would stand by in thick and thin have abandoned me faster than Precious going to a Weight Watcher’s meeting. I did not think it bothered me as much as it did until I realized that I have given my all to friends both emotional and financial support only to be shitted on like they took an ex-lax when I needed a friend. I am at the point of rolling solo or just hanging with my Str8 friends but I am in the same exact boat as Dignified with them, I mean I couldn’t have expressed it any better.

   Let me not even began to start on the dudes who try to play like they are cool and want to hang with you because they need a true friend in this life and then the scripts flip of them wanting to be your Boo. I have had this happen literally with four different dudes within the last year. They let you know that you are there everything. Of course they never ask you what is your everything, because in all four instances it has never been them. They get mad when you dont respond like they want you too and become real petty. I try to be nice because I dont want to hurt any feelings but you have to up front with these so called dudes who want to be friends in 2016 because they are really looking for dates in the disguise of friendships. When dudes tell you, “in my mind, I have had sex with you so many times”-RUN a dude just told me that a couple of weeks ago. Had one so called friend who I happen to see while showering during a lunch workout at the gym, who pulled his shower curtain back when he saw me and proceeded to “Bust It Wide Open” for me, I wanted to throw up, I literally cringed, like a lot of these dudes out here have no SHAME at all in the age of the internet. If you cant trust your homies of years to be good friends, it is no hope with this new crew of dudes. I am not one to make friends with Vixens like a a lot of gay dudes because I dont want them in my business but at this point I am ready to put out an ad for a good friend on Craigslist.

   Letter writer, you are not by yourself Bro, when you are masculine and have your body on point, get ready for a barrage of so called friends who all have ulterior motives. The hunger for Dick has left most gay friendships in shambles.

   1. ^it’s sad that we have to live like this.

      it really depresses me that star fox is gone and the only friends i have are vixens.
      left is my only straight wolf friend who stands with me.
      other than that,
      i am a lone fox out here.

   2. I hear you man. This is exactly how it be. Its sad.

   3. LOL @ the shower scene!! But I TOTALLY emphasize with you and the OP of this Foxmail. So many guys only speak to you IF they find you attractive because they have ulterior motives. If they don’t find you attractive then they probably won’t give you the time of day. So that’s why it’s also hard to have gay friends too.

      I wanted “gay friends” because I wanted somebody to really relate to in that aspect in terms of LGBT but lord all these guys just want to fuck & duck! I gave up. I think it’s also because sex is so accessible in the gay community that it’s come to a point that a lot of guys believe that being gay is all about sex. That’s unfortunately one negative stereotype about gay men that is heavily perpetuated. A lot of these guys don’t love themselves or life so they just live it trying to catch their next prey & once they fuck them, they’ll be onto the next.

      1. @Est1996…a lot of them want to cause drama in your life to give THEIR life meaning. I never realized that gay men could be just as vicious as straight women! The “masculine” can be just as petty as the “queens” . I had to go there once with a friend of my friend. Dude was testing me all night, making snide remarks. So I told him you got the wrong one here dude. You keep with the little bitch ass comments I’m gonna jump across this table and show you just how “tired” I am. My boy was like yo, please don’t do that. I guess the dude was used to people not talking back to him, but he met the right one because my boy told me he was a little shook and now he makes comments afterwards, instead of in the person’s presence. LOL

         I consider myself a very patient individual, and it takes a lot to really get to me, but this one was just testing me over and over…and my breaking point is a rude and ignorant individual. So I went in on him.

   4. Tajan. I feel and have experienced everything you are saying!

2. Then the killing part is these dudes aren’t thirsty to actually build something significant with you. They want to possess you and fuck to alleviate their own loneliness and sexual urges. If they had any desire to know you as a person, they’d play their role as a friend and let it play out without forcing it. But nah they want what they want when they want it. You have to fit into their lives the way they want or they’re on to the next.

   1. ^omg agreed!
      at least “let it happen naturally”.
      it is better that way than the obvious.
      now i see what vixens be talking about.

   2. Jay is always coming through with the real

3. Yea, no one seems to want to make genuine friends anymore. At the end of the day, everyone has an agenda, and that is to get sex. Luckily, I have not had many friends around me like that.

4. My advice?

   Give. It. Up.

   Been there, done that.

   I’d HATE when they’d transform like decepticons once the sun went down and I’d get texts like “come cuddle” or “I’m horny”. I detest that shit.

   The thirst is at an all time high and the more you appear unbothered by wanting anything serious or fucking them, the more they’ll want you.
   I don’t really believe in gay friendships unless you were friends before sexuality became a factor or both parties are bottoms, because they would never entertain the thought of anything beyond friendship. Even friendships with two tops can become a game of who’s going to bend over. Befriending gay dudes in relationships already doesn’t work either.

   You can be upfront about it all you want its the same cycle unfortunately.

   1. ^word.

      so is it best to just roll dolo nowadays?
      it seems better than all this messiness.

      1. Some people are okay with rolling with a lineup of their sexual history lol

         It’s better for me to roll solo personally. Hard for me to find people to vibe with in general, but it’s even more unlikely I’ll become friends with a gay or bi man.

   2. Never say never Jay. I thought the same and he was my best friend until he lost the battle with cancer.
      Never had sex, never kissed or any of that. Slept in the same bed, saw one another butt ass naked, cuddled while watching movies, etc.
      Nothing ever happened.
      We could talk to one another, and we talked daily about any and everything. Our relationships, money issues, jobs, etc.
      It can be done. You just have to have the mindset for it. And man do I miss him!

      1. This is why I keep my mind open. I’m not deluded into thinking that meeting someone like this is a common occurrence, hell I’m still looking for something on this caliber, but if you shut your mind out, that’s 0% chance of experiencing something like that, but I can understand the idea of not wanting to waste my time with a bunch of sub-optimal people. I’m someone who is fine being alone as i am introverted even I at some point want someone to share my life with, whether it being a friendship or relationship. For me, and many people, I don’t think the answer is to close your mind off to the world, but it’s to remain open to possibilities and deal with the reality that you’re going to have to kiss many “frogs” until you find your “prince”. It’s a part of life. People are able to choose what works best for them, but for the average person, the answer isn’t to shut the world out.

         For me, I have good close straight friends, but my TRUE friends that have always had my back are my cousins, my mother, and my brother. If I choose to go the solo route, I KNOW I will at least have them, and that’s what’s most important.

   3. ^^Exactly

5. Where are you meeting these foxes and wolves at and how are you presenting yourself to them? These could be two factors as to why you’re not meeting people you can see as friends.

   Try a different approach to see if you get different results.

   1. ^good question mikey.

      i really don’t want to believe we can’t be friends with others anymore.
      i really hope there is a 10% who is willing to be cool.
      or are we doomed to be friends with the straights?

6. Part of the challenge is as men..we are all still hormonal. The urge to have sex comes quickly and long enough to divert all blood flowing to the brain to think before we act. You are just as a willing participant in engaging in sex with these friends so don’t play victim.

   Try the 90 day rule. No sex until you’ve known someone 90 days and then if someone is consistent and you agrees to date for 90 days. So this means 6 months so be it. Now if you that horny.. call it what it is..a quick duck and let them know what it is.

   Too many games are played by people saying they just want a friend..when you really want a friend with benefits…
   Call it what it is and stop the bs

   1. ^tough love from tony!
      we all needed to read that honestly.

   2. Ok! I’ve always said mean what you say, and say what you mean. Don’t BS or beat around the bush.
      In the past I’ve been upfront with people, and they would always say they’re looking for the same…only to turn around and try to change me.
      It doesn’t work because I stick to my guns…and that has a tendency to piss people off, make and females.
      Now…I dont’ say anything. I just go along for the ride and when they hit the brick wall, it’s on them.
      I’m done explaining myself to people. Girls want to be up in the business so they can go back and gossip. Guys are just looking for a nut.
      Sorry, but not this one. Move on to the easier ones. LOL

      1. ^^^^this comment right here. Totally agree. Exactly how I am!

7. I think it’s a very difficult situation. Especially because a lot of us are so lonely and just want it to be “their turn”. I’m still working on that lol.

   This is directed at the Foxmailer:

   If you’re attracted to one another or if one is to the other, it just won’t work. Like Jamari said, they have to not be looking at you like that FROM THE START. Also, if this is a major concern for you, make your intentions very clear. If you’re going to the trouble of coming out to them, let them know at the same time that you’re not looking for anything like that atm, and that you’re not looking at them like that. I’m not saying this would solve all your problems or even any of them, but you will know that you did your part. You communicated your intentions, and if they can’t respect that, then you have to chuck the deuces at them because you guys aren’t on the same page, and I’ll be honest in saying, it’s a rare thing in this life to be on the same page when it comes to that especially if they know there’s a CHANCE of being with you.

   I have straight guy friends, but it feels like it’s a catch-22 because on the one hand, I’m close to them, and they’re great friends to me but I can never really be “candid” about who I am because I’m not out to them (whether or not they speculate/know is not my main concern). I’m not attracted to them, and I think that’s the only reason it’s able to work for me, but in all of my friendships, there is always something missing. I can’t get too close to them because of my sexuality and that barrier will always be there, they will never truly understand my perspective, so I can understand the desire to have a gay/bi friend, but there really isn’t much you can do to make it easier, other than to surround yourself around good positive people, and of them you might be able to find someone with whom you can bond with and share your experiences with that understands you.

   1. ^i love this comment.
      very good one d!

   2. Great advice. Seriously. I can say I tried it in a way. I shall be more direct and not to assume it’s already clear.

      And I definitely feel the same about the straight friends situation. Thanks 💪🏿

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