[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGn9IgJ8YR8]
I’m unhappy.
There I said it.
I have been unhappy for a couple of months now.
I have been crazy UN-focused.
I have been wallowing in my own self pity and I absolutely hate it.
There, I admitted something else.
Not to depress anyone,
because this will actually turn into a very uplifting post….
This is all my fault.
I have been letting negative thoughts fill my head and making me feel stagnant.
I see so many people around me living the frontin‘ lifestyle on Instagram and Twitter.
It made me feel like an outcast because I cannot afford to do anything.
Money is tight, but I am grateful to have a roof over my head and bills paid.
These other people live with their parents.
Unfortunately, my priorities are in a different place.
I have been ungrateful, and truly not walking in a place of strength.
I realized that tonight,
sitting in my crib,
and realizing I truly have no crutches around me.
God forbid something ever happened to me,
I would be in a dark place of panic.
No one would even know I was in trouble.
Would they care?
NY is so fuckin’ self-absorbed that I doubt they would.
I cannot live like this any longer.
I don’t really feel close to anyone around me in NY currently.
All of my great friends do not live here.
My last friend actually moved away couple days ago.
I am now left with no one.
It sort of made me depressed, because it is hard to meet “friends” anymore.
I had to get rid of a few “friends” that were taking up my precious time.
I realized the entertainment industry is filled with so many fake people.
I cannot call them “friends” because all they want to do is use me.
I am now faced with being by myself.
It scares me, because I feel like I always need “someone” around.
I always need someone to talk to, hold my hand, or rescue me.
I am also the “rescuer” with some people.
When they meet someone, they get rid of me until they are alone again.
That ended today.
You don’t know how much writing on this site is an escape for me.
I wish I could take you all with me everywhere.
Sadly, the only time I hear your “voices” is in my comment boxes.
It helps me be around people I actually care about.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hVp47f5YZg]
(the message in this song is so dope.)
I decided to turn my phone off.
Actually, on airplane mode.
I’ll respond to my emails,
but I was finding myself getting lost in text messages.
I was too distracted.
I have decided spending the next few days of being selfish.
Getting my mind ready before I really start taking off.
God obviously started shaking things up in my life this year for a reason.
… I’m done for now.
Just a quick vent.
If anyone wants to vent,
the comment section is now yours….
life is full of challenges but they come to pass depending on how u personally handle it,nothing will surpass yo victory it’s only u how can determine yo future..
Trust me, this too shall pass.
I have been where you are numerous times. I’m young, but I’ve had my fair share of challenges.
When I get in my moments of feeling lost, lonely, and defeated, I separate myself from the world and reflect. Think about all you’ve been through and how far you’ve come. You will make it. And you will come out stronger and better than ever.
Hey Jamari, happy 4th! Wishing you all the best! Much love 🙂
I have already told you in a previous post that sometimes being released from one situation is the push we really need to focus on what we really want. This is your opportunity to make that thing happen for you. I’m not going to tell you again! (I’d be giving you my “I mean it dammit” stare right now in we were face to face). 🙂
^lol
no i’m good.
i’m just in a place where i see why things are happening.
the breakthrough is on the way.
god had to break me down to see it.
it is a lonely place,
but i suspect it is also a temporary one.
*hug*
Everything happens for a reason but you are strong and street smart. You will push thru
You be fine Jamari. Your situation will work out in your favor because you seem like you’re a great person with a lot of potential in life. You will not fail.
^thank you man.
woke up feeling a lot more ready for the world and less lost.
Have you ever considered moving away from NYC Jamari? I mean I’ve been there a couple of times and I couldn’t imagine having to fend for myself there. Or is being in NYC important for your career?
^right now it is important.
but as soon as i finish what i started,
i’m going to move.
Same here.