“so i take it we not fuckin?”
that was the text i got at 7am this morning.
i ignored it.
that makes about 7 random texts i have ignored.
he still don’t know why either.
he should ask whoever texted me asking who i was…
this week has been an emotional roller coaster.
i have been in a “blah going into bad” mood since monday.
i’m not happy for some reason.
well it could be wanting more from my life.
feeling lost as hell.
i have been praying constantly for better,
and i seem to still moving slowly.
i look around and everyone else seems to be reaping.
i know i shouldn’t do that.
i’m thankful for my blessings.
i show god how much i am.
i even pay my tithes,
but is it wrong to want more?
i needed to cheer myself somehow.
i usually take long walks when i need to think.
if i had a car,
and more money,
i’d be at woodbury commons doing some outlet shoppin’.
i would have had some good music bumpin on the way there.
it’s put these headphones in my ears and hop on the train.
i needed to get a lock for my gym locker,
so i decided to go to the home depot in brooklyn.
i figured the travel would allow me to think a lot better.
plus i usually don’t go down “there”,
so i figured why not.
who knew so many fine ass wolves worked in home depot!!
this one short thick wolf with a nice little chest and rump
was checkin me too.
too bad he was helping some older white wolf with drills.
i usually don’t really have a reason to go in home depot,
but i may need to.
i may have to ask questions about wood.
as i walked around looking for this lock,
because obviously i can’t read signs,
i started seeing the type of shit i’d want in my “home”.
my dream home.
i started to look at the refrigerators,
and the washers/dryers.
i even went and looked at the chandeliers.
it made me happy.
i forgot all about lack and started thinking about abundance.
i have been so annoyed with money and bills,
i had to realize:
1) i’m pretty damn blessed as is.
2) it’s coming.
i don’t know how or when,
i just know it will.
i have to believe.
i even took pictures of what i was looking at:
i thought of iceed when i saw this:
when i was walking back to the train to go home,
this spanish wolf was pushing a baby stroller with his baby mama.
she was fat.
he was out of shape.
i wasn’t interested in him,
but i did look into his eyes as he was walking towards me.
he proceeded to lick his lips,
point them forward,