we all have an image that we portray to the world.
“i don’t give a fuck-ers”
i’ve always admired the latter…
life for them seems like a breeze.
they can quit their jobs,
bounce from ain’t shit relationships,
and put sex tapes/naked pics online for the world to see.
they play by their own rules and it seems everyone bows down to it.
with that image comes the ability to get over things quick.
that is the part i admire.
the problem that image runs into is not having any feelings towards anything/one.
they don’t care who is hurt/offend.
then there is the “fuckers”.
i’m highkey part of that group.
i feel a lot harder and get hurt a lot quicker.
i pray too much and there is this needy part of me that needs forgiveness.
i just want to make shit work.
i find myself having to ask the “i don’t give a fuck-ers” group:
“what would you do in this situation?”
and they usually respond:
“not give a fuck.”
easier said than done.
i play a good role of “not giving a fuck-er” sometimes.
some believe it.
others see right through it.
i try to wear that mask,
but it cracks when i’m in my emotions.
i believe you have no emotions when you’re in that category of life.
as the end of the year comes upon us,
i am left being pulled in two directions for 2017.
instead of being on the polar opposites of that spectrum,
i feel stuck in the middle somewhere,
bouncing back and forth like a ping pong ball.
i do something and i’m like:
…but then another side kicks in,
i want to feel fuckless,
but i don’t think it’s in my nature.
i’m drained with caring so much.
i wish i could wake up and just not,
but i know my life wouldn’t be the way it is if i didn’t.
i succeed because i am a fuck-er.
it’s the “getting trapped in what others think of me” that fucks me up.
“does this fit into their image of me?”
“is this going to ruin my image?”
“will they stop speaking to me because of that image?”
i’m still trying to find myself and the best image that fits me.
as much as we can walk around being a “fuck-er” or “not giving a fuck-er”,
or making sure we have the right image or not,
i had to wonder…
Who really gives a fuck?