“just be kind to her.
find your compassion jamari.
i know you can.
she has been through a lot.”
that was what my new boss told me in regards to liar liar today.
yeah.
i couldn’t roll my eyes hard enough.
it seems my boss knows a lot more than we think…
first and foremost: i love fridays.
i think we all do.
i feel i’m more exhausted on fridays tho.
well today was the end to a busy week.
it was kinda busy in the morning,
but it got quiet by the afternoon.
i’ll talk about the new fine ass fed ex wolf too.
the one who was trying to get some foxtail.
…one id be more than ready to give.
next entry tho.
anyway,
liar liar left at 1 and my new boss was supposed to follow right after.
i was going to politely sit back,
put on my headphones,
and watch “orange is the new black” until it was time to leave.
not happening.
boss didn’t leave at all.
she stayed in her office to catch up on work.
that is until she called me because we needed to “talk”.
a word i hate more than “bills” or “hiv”.
so it started off with some small talk.
she told me my work is great and blah blah blah.
“now why do you really have me in here lady?” i thought.
that is when she began to talk to me about liar liar.
she says she has seen the emails and the tension between us.
i didn’t deny and explained everything that has happened.
you know what she said:
“i know.”
she goes in to say:
“i can’t understand why she is acting like this.
she has never acted out like this before.”
she started to get honest with me.
apparently liar liar has had a tough childhood.
liar liar has been abused by damn near everyone including her baby daddy.
i explained to her that my growing up was also tough as well.
that “i don’t do what she does“.
this was her response:
“you got to understand honey.
this is a girl thing.
I’ve been where she has as well.”
so in a nutshell,
it was a lot of “girl” power in this little exchange.
apparently because of her tough past,
it gives her the right to be a raging bi polar bitch.
it gives her the right to create drama with everyone who deems a threat,
well gollllllyyyyyy.
who woulda thunk?
can i use that excuse as well?
or is that strictly for vagina purposes?
my boss feels sorry for liar liar and her “past”.
she also knows that liar liar and the mailroom wolf are “dating”.
liar liar admitted it to her in a tear stained confession couple weeks ago.
she told her that MARRIED mailroom wolf understands her.
even though she warned liar liar about the dangers of work romances,
and looks down on the whole “cheating” thing,
she understood where she was coming from.
she is “crying out” for help.
she basically knows liar liar’s self esteem is shot to hell.
oh i rolled my eyes somewhere around that part.
have i mentioned my new boss is white?
liar liar knows what she is doing.
how do we even know she is telling the truth?
wouldn’t someone who was abused be more timid?
more quiet and understanding?
this bitch be full “jekyll and hyde” on a n*gga.
it’s whatever tho.
i’ll keep on letting her have it if she continues to try and fuck with me.
past or no past.
keep your sabotage out of my life hoe.
Look, I’m a straight shooter. I’m going to speak my mind intelligently and I can do that because I have the credentials to back it up.
I would’ve told her everyone has personal issues, but they need to check them at the door. This isn’t group therapy or The Real World, this is a place of business and everyone should conduct themselves in a professional manner regardless.
Then I’d say “Don’t you agree?” *smirk*
The fact she tolerates that type of behavior from her subordinates speaks to her abilities as well, which is why women are stereotyped as not being capable bosses.
A man would never tolerate all that side bullshit.
From what you have told us, Liar does seem like she is a hurt person. We see people like her every day. They are hurt, and want to vent their frustrations on everyone else. She needs to see a damn therapist.
Although your boss is basically admitting she knows liar liar is full of shit, I’d take everyone’s advice and back that shit up. But see J, I told you she most likely gave them a cry baby story so they would feel sorry for her and keep letting her fuck up. But hey, ladies gotta look out for each other. “Girl Power!” till them deadlines ain’t being met.
Dear Mr. Fox:
Brother, get a grip!!! LOL You have allowed this woman to get inside your head and in your current work situation this isn’t a good thing. Mohammad Ali once said “The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses – behind the lines, in the gym, and out there on the road, long before I dance under those lights.” Meaning that most fights are won long before the first punch is thrown because the opponent has already lost the psychological battle. So the key to winning in your situation is covert psychological warfare, and based on some of your writings it seems like your coworker may be winning this war.
From what I can discern based on your description of your coworker she is really a nobody, a mess starter yes, but a nobody. Think about it most of the people who are in the know treats her like the residential psycho lol. She is a nobody who’s inappropriate work place behavior is being enabled by her boss and other coworkers. People like her tend to have a long shelf life at a job due to their ability to illicit pity from their bosses and coworkers.
However, the most important truth is that at the end of the day this is about you and how you are reacting emotionally and professionally to your coworker, Apparently she is triggering you and more specifically you are triggering each other and this triggering is causing the most immediate threat to your emotional well-being and possibly to your job. Here are my meaningless and redundant suggestions to help your situation.
1.Go to your boss on Monday if appropriate, and tell her that you appreciate the conversation you had with her and ask her what suggestions she can give you to help you improve your relationship with your coworker?
2. I suggest this because you must always give the appearance of wanting to work things through with your coworkers in front of your boss. White people in general have a deep instilled need for finding a middle ground in a conflict. They tend to respect a person who knows how to give and to take.
3.Don’t roll your eyes when your boss or anyone talks about your coworker. This can be interpreted as professional and personal immaturity. If your boss is telling you that your coworker “has issues”, then this is your cue to act as if you don’t have any lol.
4.Read the book “The Art of War”, for battle tactics and strategies in dealing with your coworker : http://classics.mit.edu/Tzu/artwar.html .
5.Quit devaluing her in your mind and on your blog. I understand you are venting however by calling her a bitch and a hoe comprises your spiritual, ethical, and emotional integrity and in doing so you are just keeping that negative energy with long after you left your job for the day. Negative energy will always cloud your mind and your judgement.
6.You must always take the higher ground, but also fight your war with her covertly and intelligently. So read “The Art of War”.
7. Quit or severely limit the details of your day to day battles with your on your blog because although I understand that you are an anonymous blogger, but you are also a very popular blog and you posts about this situation gives so many specific details about your work situation that if anyone from your job came across this blog they may be able easily figure out who you are, and that could be a huge negative for you.
8.Take the emotions out of your emails/memos use words such as “I think” vs.” I feel.”
9. Avoid writing any hostile over tones in your emails/memos to her.
10.Write only about facts the “who, what, where, and when.
11.Do not interpret your foe’s motives for doing whatever in your emails/memos.
12.Always disguise your concerns about your coworker’s negative actions against you as concerns about being protective of the company’s interest. For example use a statement like this ” I am concerned about my coworker’s hostile attitude towards because it impacts on my ability to perform my job well.
13.Every morning before you go to work call your foe’s name in prayer and ask God to calm her and bring her peace.
14.Be nothing but pleasant with your coworker even if it kills you. This will show your coworker that she is not significant to you.
15. Be careful with whom aline yourself with at work because you never know if you are working with a double agent. Get your intelligence from them but tell them very little about your thoughts and feelings regarding your coworker.
16. Be careful of coming across as aggressive or not liking your coworker and because you are a male and no matter how much you are victimized by your coworker is very likely it will place you in a negative light.
17. Don’t expect your boss or any other manager at your job to be fair regarding your situation, because in most work environments fairness is non existent. Expect them to act in the best interest of their career.
18. You are correct in keeping book on your coworker and your job however be very careful about what you save on your computer or what you place in email.
19. Start looking for another job although I believe that you can turn your situation around it is always good to have a plan B in place.
20. Deal with your coworker like a Vulcan lol. Mr. Spock would never let your coworker get underneath his skin. He would just ignore her or politely rebuke her.
Remember, get this woman and keep her out of your head, take the higher moral ground in your every dealing with this woman this assures God’s protection of you in your work environment. I hope this help.
Good luck.
Jamari, I like much of what IFYOUASKME2 wrote, particularly items 1, 3, 4, 12, 15, 17 and 18. With respect to item 7, I’m sure that you are and have been aware of the risks but it’s good to be reminded.
Jamari, please back up your word documentation. save your doc to a flash drive and email it to yourself. This is too important to leave it up to chance. also, don’t overlook the fact that your boss recognizes your hard work. in an effort to deal with liar liar, I don’t want you to bypass this factoid. remember that when the shit gets tough and you feel like you can’t go on.
we all have a past of some kind. her hurt and trauma is not reason to be subjected to character assassination. you are a brand and your work product is what you’re selling. you can’t let anyone tarnish your brand. not even you! shine bright…take her advice but don’t overdo it…never underestimate your opposition…in other words continue to be professional…that’s all that is required.
Well, a couple of things:
1. Continue to document the goings on in your company, including time, place and persons present, including your boss liking your work.
2. Since your boss asked you, try to be nice to “liar liar” but continue to document what’s going on with her by emails, etc.
I suspect that your boss with appreciate your taking her advice with respect to “liar liar” to the extent that you can. If there is a clash between you and “liar liar”, if you extend yourself to “liar liar”, then I suspect that your mutual boss may then be more likely to come down on your side–if your side or “liar liar’s” side must be chosen.
Does what I’ve written make sense to you, Jamari? Does it make sense to other readers?
^thanks dean.
it makes sense.
I think it’s my best interest to stay cordial.
apparently I’ve had liar liar feeling some kind of way.
she is all tangled up and discombobulated.
she cries a lot now because i actually take effort in catching her up in her lies.
from my boss saying:
“she hasn’t been like this”
means she is unraveling.
she played games with the wrong one.
As my fav half- ratchet Atlanta labor lawyer would say:” Docyament Errthang”. You already have a decent case for harassment. Sounds like a hostile work environment to me. The last thing Ms. lady wants is to discuss this before a NYC JURY. Keep it in your pocket. If you play it right it pays a lot better than unemployment.
^trust jay.
i got it all written in a nice file.
everytime something happens,
it goes into my word document.
From time to time email that word document to your home/personal email address. That way, if the computer crashes or other problems, you’ll still have an up-to-date or nearly up-to-date document available at home!
well make sure you don’t accidentally delete that shit.
Don’t you hate that when other people make excuses for that asshole? Like I know people who suffer way more, but they manage to keep their cool and be sweet. Don’t make fucking excuses for that person.
^right lin.
i don’t get this whole situation.
she is really making herself seem like a victim.
she is making all these different excuses,
but isn’t owning up to her end of the bullshit.
From time to time email that word document to your home/personal email address. That way, if the computer crashes or other problems, you’ll still have an up-to-date or nearly up-to-date document available at home!