i’m about to lose my sh!t (too late)

you know what?
i’m gonna vent.
my therapist wants me to be more honest with my feelings so here we go…

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ima do… vent about my family

yesterday,
as i was doing my vocals,
the urge to just vent came over me.
i have been having some issues weighing on me about my family.
so i took it to the vocal docket.
this week’s podcast…

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HOW DO YOU HAVE FAITH THINGS WILL WORK OUT WHEN THEY USUALLY DON’T?

*This is what i wrote in my private journal.
It’s been reworded for the foxhole tho.

I’m just writing my feelings out right now.
vent incoming.

i saw ^that quote earlier and it stuck with me.
what if it all works out?”
how do you truly entertain a thought when you feel things won’t work out?
like,
we are all master creators.
we have made magic with just our thoughts and having faith.
i got to thinking tho and…

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*the part where i flipped my whole scalp over some nonsense today

You hit me,
tell me about your toxic relationship,
I give you advice,
you do the opposite.

You announce you are breaking up & moving out,
i support the decision,
you go back home in the course of 1 day.

You tell me you’re cheating,
I’m over it so i agree,
I say you’re back to your old ways,
you tell me i need to go get dick and stop trying to plan your life.

what?

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someone call state farm because i’ve crashed into the pandemic wall

*vent

Is it wrong to say I’ve been really going through it?

between the depression and the anxiety,
honestly,
i don’t know how i‘ve been making it through.
i woke up today legit crying my ass off.
it has been better than my usual waking up filled with anxiety.
this did start around the time the mercury retrograde reared its ugly head,
but i think i’ve hit the pandemic wall

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notes: emotionally battered and abused

abuse.
so i needed to vent.
i’ve been going through it and i felt like i was about to explode.
so i wanted to speak my truth for anyone who is willing to listen…

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