i was spending most of my days researching and asking questions.
it was concerning to me.
WILL I GET MY UNEMPLOYMENT?
i went to websites with various answers to my question.
most where positive.
others were downright scary.
i didn’t do anything wrong,
but hyenas and jackals can make it look so.
i let most of my crazy out with friends and foxholers.
they all tried to keep me reassured,
but the other side was:
“What if it doesn’t happen?”
after speaking to that older vixen at unemployment,
she left my fate with a question mark.
don’t do that.
don’t have me out here slowly going crazier than i am.
that she was.
everything was enhanced at that point.
i started seeing how i had little to no money and was on survival mode.
one of the foxholers donated money to me for groceries,
but other than that,
i was about to be on tap.
i woke up to blessings…
i was feeling pretty down today.
i’m my most creative when i’m depressed.
i was also tired.
sleep did not happen last night.
the deadline was today and i still had heard nothing from unemployment.
well as i watched the latest episode of “hbo girls” earlier,
i finally got the call.
it was like…
got up at around 5am.
i called karaoke.
she works overnights and usually answers.
we talked until 8am.
this play she is in.
i called unemployment at 8am…
so i got a call earlier today from unemployment.
i missed the call.
when i checked the message,
it was pretty jumbled.
all i heard was…
59 – 39.
one republican suddenly just changed his vote at the end.
1.7 million people out here are doomed.
half i’m sure have started looking to commit suicide.
i don’t know what to do anymore.
they basically shut any hope of unemployment reinstatement down.
i am completely broke.
surviving on koolaid and tv dinners.
warming my apartment with the oven.
can’t get on welfare.
the temp agencies i applied for are “in a slow period”.
sent resumes everywhere.
hell i even put it on here.
that job interview i went on went well,
but it’s up in the air.
feb 24th is when they will hire someone.
its the 6th.
what if he doesn’t hire me?
what do i do then?
i feel like i’m in 12 years a slave.
waiting for my “white man” to come and get me out this hell hole.
i’m kinda scared ya’ll.
this news left me completely devastated.
so do i become a prostitute?
do credit card scams and identity theft?
its easy to start my career now,
but i still have to survive.
i’m just sitting here in my dark apartment and my thoughts are so loud.
can someone give me a kind word?
something of hope i can hold on to?
lowkey: if that would have passed for 3 months,
i would be okay if that job did or didn’t come through.
i would have packed all my shit up and left to florida.
now i’m about to go crazy with the waiting game.