Released Onto Me (I Got On My Knees After)

i was spending most of my days researching and asking questions.
it was concerning to me.


i went to websites with various answers to my question.
most where positive.
others were downright scary.
i didn’t do anything wrong,
but hyenas and jackals can make it look so.
i let most of my crazy out with friends and foxholers.
they all tried to keep me reassured,
but the other side was:

“What if it doesn’t happen?”

after speaking to that older vixen at unemployment,
she left my fate with a question mark.
don’t do that.
don’t have me out here slowly going crazier than i am.
that she was.
everything was enhanced at that point.
i started seeing how i had little to no money and was on survival mode.
one of the foxholers donated money to me for groceries,
but other than that,
i was about to be on tap.
i woke up to blessings

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Hope Has Flown The Coop?

large59 – 39.
one republican suddenly just changed his vote at the end.
1.7 million people out here are doomed.
half i’m sure have started looking to commit suicide.
i don’t know what to do anymore.
i’m stressed.
they basically shut any hope of unemployment reinstatement down.
i am completely broke.
surviving on koolaid and tv dinners.
warming my apartment with the oven.
can’t get on welfare.
the temp agencies i applied for are “in a slow period”.
sent resumes everywhere.
hell i even put it on here.
that job interview i went on went well,
but it’s up in the air.
feb 24th is when they will hire someone.
its the 6th.
what if he doesn’t hire me?
what do i do then?
i feel like i’m in 12 years a slave.
waiting for my “white man” to come and get me out this hell hole.
i’m kinda scared ya’ll.
this news left me completely devastated.
so do i become a prostitute?
sell drugs?
rob people?
do credit card scams and identity theft?
its easy to start my career now,
but i still have to survive.
i’m just sitting here in my dark apartment and my thoughts are so loud.
can someone give me a kind word?
something of hope i can hold on to?

lowkey: if that would have passed for 3 months,
i would be okay if that job did or didn’t come through.
if not,

i would have packed all my shit up and left to florida.
now i’m about to go crazy with the waiting game.