i woke up this morning at 4am in a sweat.
it was kinda hot in my apartment,
because the heat been on “hoe in church with no draws on” level.
i went to sleep naked that night.
i had a funny feeling in the pit my stomach.
something didn’t feel “right”.
i get those feelings often.
i got up and went to check the locks.
i walked throughout the crib to make sure no one was hiding in my closets.
(ha ha ha i already hear the jokes now).
i looked at my mail on my coffee table.
no current or overdue bills.
restaurant ads and junk mail.
my apartment was clean.
i gave a quick thanks to god.
he has provided me so much and i am truly grateful.
i laid on my couch.
what was this feeling i was having?
why was i having it?
i wasn’t use to it.
then it hit me!
i was feeling the effects of “my house was in order”.
i had no drama in my life.
i’m not getting fucked on the regular,
but i don’t have to worry about some bullshit ass wolf.
no struggling to pay bills.
food was in my fridge.
but i was still making it.
i cut off all the dead weight.
i erased a ton of useless contacts in my phone.
so why was i feeling like this?
why was i up at 4am,
and still stripping myself down looking for something wrong?
i started to wonder…
if i am so used to things going completely left field…
Was I actually shocked when things are going right?
on its first official day of spring,
or the first “damn it’s hot” day,
i decided to get dressed and head out.
let me ask you something, my reader.
you ever got it just right?
your mood is right
you look good.
your outfit looks and fits perfectly.
kicks go perfectly.
well that was me a couple of hours ago…