past rewind so i press fast forward (or eject the tape completely)

life can be pretty interesting when we make it that way.
i’m learning that when we think and feel differently,
we can create magic within our lives.
yesterday,
i was feeling pretty good.
i have been feeling pretty good these last two weeks tbh.
i said to myself:

“I am wanted.
I am desired.
I am getting apologies from people who hurt me.
I am safe.”

i want to start speaking to myself differently.
i kid you not that shortly after i said that…

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your friend can be good to you and be a complete d!ck to someone else

when we are friends with someone,
we always see the “good” in them.
we ignore the truth because we want to show loyalty.
when they get caught up in some bs,
we don’t want to believe it because they are our friends.
we think about how good they were to US.
we don’t want to imagine one of our friends could be a monster.
two things can be true at the same time.

Someone can be a friend to us
Someone can be a monster to someone else

i’ve noticed it with some gay males over the years

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christian walker was slightly offended by elijah schaffer so he outed him

christian walker is on a mission to drag cheaters out of the closet.
he found his father,
herschel walker,
wasn’t shit and has been dragging him every chance he got.
i’d pay to see footage of his reaction to his father losing in ga.
so ever since then,
christian has been on the warpath.
elijah schaffer…

who runs the website,
( x slightly offensive ),
had this to tweet about christian and his dad losing:

 which christan responded

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THE CARDS WERE DEALT AND DEATH WAS PULLED FIRST

you know what’s fucked up about all that is happening right now?

How SELFISH people are.

how amazing that movies were actually documentaries about people’s behavior.
you’d think folks would chill out so we could get past this rona shit.
nope.
it insulting when folks say the rona is like the cold or flu.
so many people died and to say,
oh it’s only a cold“,
is kinda fucked up.
the following story sent into me blew my whole shit.
how you gonna kill your friend because you wanted to play cards?…

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it’s a rona holiday and most people seem to have gotten a gift

how many people know someone who currently has the rona?

some died; others lived to tell the tale.
with this new omarion omicron variant dancing in these lungs,
it seems more people are catching it at higher rates.
my friends and i been trying to 2-step out that bitch’s way.
i was telling someone today that…

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if you can, don’t let being emo make you miss an important call

my friends always come through for me.
i’m super emotionally connected to those in my life.

Sometimes to those who aren’t in my life any longer too.

i’ve been going through it tbh.
this is not my season.
things are rough right now and trying to keep my head above water.
earlier,
i was in deep thought while eating chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.
one of my favorite twitch streamers was venting over his mother’s cancer.
it made me feel like i’m not the only one dealing with nonsense.
as i was into this whole thing,
my phone rang and i saw it was diva.
i let it ring because i didn’t feel like talking.
she called right after and i figured it must be really important…

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