Oh, My God. I Dread The Loss of Heaven and the Pains of Hell.

“Oh, my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee
And I detest all my sins

Because I dread the loss of heaven, and the pains of hell.
But most of all because I love Thee,
And I want so badly to be good….”


Do you believe the following statement?

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for,
the evidence of things not seen.Hebrews 11:1

Well, you should.
Everything that has happened to you so far happened because your faith was either high or low.
I know you are reading and thinking, “well what you mean Jamari?…
But check it…

Without faith, you are not living in YOUR rightful path.
I’m not just saying this because it is a Sunday,
but I am saying it without faith what are you living for?

My faith was not high before.
I was questioning why things were not going my way.
I noticed things kept getting worse in my life.
I had to stop questioning why, pray, and just allow.

I want you to allow too.
Do you want to “allow” with me?
I got a quick story for you…

One of my close people decided to throw out old beliefs and introduce new ones.
He had just broken up with an asshole and left broke and homeless.
No job and sleeping on friend’s couches, you would think his story was over.
I was there for the tears and regret,
but I noticed an extreme optimistic confidence about him.
He would always speak on his faith.
Mind you, he was NOT a church boy.
Like me, he was more spiritual than religious.
But, he kept his faith high and started over.

Well, everything he asked for, over the following months he got.
He did not let sadness and depression take him over.
He is now working in a high paying job,
received everything he wrote down on a vision board,
and his currently talking to someone who is much better than the last.

It is not impossible, but it can be done.
But the question is, are you willing to do it?
Are you willing to believe everything will be okay?
Are you confident to believe that because you cannot see it, that it will be done?
And, is your mind complete clear from doubt and uncertainty?

Is your faith high?

20 thoughts on “Oh, My God. I Dread The Loss of Heaven and the Pains of Hell.

  1. Hell no my faith isn’t high, and why should it be? I just found out a couple of days ago that a female friend of mine likes the dude that I’ve been crushing on, and she’s trying to get to know him. WTF? That just made me wanna be done with niggas period. I was so sad when she told me that I was about to cry. As much as I want something, I never seem to get it.

    • Why dont you try and get to know him also if you think he gets down? If he doesnt then just admire from the side line and keep on moving. If you want something go after it! Just cause you want something doesnt mean youre going to get it. What are you doing to put yourself in an advantage to get what it is that you want. All that preaching you wolves do to us foxes you cant take your own advice. So stop crying and put yourself in the game MAN!!!

      • I do talk to him Ronnie, we’re kinda friends now, but it’s more complicated now that my friend likes him and she’s trying to get to know him.That really hurts man. If I try and talk to him on that type of level, I’m going to come off as trifling, and I don’t want that.The whole situation is just strange because one of his close friends always speaks to me whenever he sees me. I know men ”sup” eachother, but he doesn’t see me like that to speak to me and give me gooely eyes. LOL. I’m keeping an eye on the situation with my crush and my friend though.

    • Hey Man, are this female friend and male crush co-workers? If I remember correrctly, I think you mentioned in a post a few months ago that you were downlow. If that’s the case, then that explains your predicament in this situation. However, if your female friend knows what’s up with you and this is not a situation at work and you’re not isolated in some hick town where there are few gays, what do you have to lose by letting the brother know you are interested? If there’s no mutual interest and he’s cool, you guys can still be cordial. It saves time to just let a brother know where you stand, unless you would be jeopardizing a job or some kind of public ridicule. That’s why I asked if you were isolated in some hick place. If you’re not in a hostile environment, what’s there to lose? He could be afraid to broach the subject with you. If this female is a good girlfriend, tell her you want him and that you had eyes for him, first, if that’s the case. When I’ve been stronly interested in someone, about whom I was uncertain, I’d let my interest be known in a respectfully direct way. If the brother was not down, so much time was not wasted.

      • My enviroment is hostile since I’m in college, it’s not the same as a situation in the workplace where it’s not as many people. My reputation is what’s in jeopardy.

      • I got you; I understand, now. I remember my college days. I was so sheltered growing up and naive and things were so different then — there was no Internet, we didn’t have the rights and legal protections that exist in many places today — I didn’t realize and accept that I was gay until junior year when I admitted to myself I must be gay, since the brothers were giving me fever and the sisters were not.

        I was a teenage virgin because I didn’t know anything about gayness. Trust me, we have come a long way. In reciting the Apostles’ Creed in church, there was the line that said man commited sin by thought, word and deed. Since I wasn’t commiting sin by even thinking about sex with girls, I thought I was righteous and that I would get the feeling on my wedding night. Premarital sex was taboo. I know that must sound incredible to most of you, but it’s true. I knew nothing about guys having sex with each other. It wasn’t even in my vocabulary or thinking. Now, there was something about certain boys’ butts that stimulated me, but I thought those thoughts were uniquely within me, being clueless that others might be thinking them and some even acting on them. The guys who turned me on growing up were masculine looking and acting like myself.

        Once I got to college and learned about some guys being this thing called gay, that’s when I began wondering about myself. But, the guys who people talked about being gay did not appeal to me at all. I could not imagine that the brothers who turned me on were experiencing some of the same feelings I was. It was junior year that I finally said, since I wasn’t doing anything with females, that I must be gay. And, that’s when the frustration really set in because I was afraid to approach those brothers.

        So, I understand fully where you’re coming from, Man. Unfortunately, even though we have come a very long way, there is still a lot — way too much, in fact — heterosexism and homophobia in society and in our community. People are still getting picked on and even physically abused. It must be very frustrating for you. Fortunately, you have this site and others, where you can, in privacy, commune with those of us like yourself. Jamari might not even realize just how valuable a service he is providing. A word of caution: I don’t know whether you have a roommate, but even if you don’t, be certain to lock your computer whenever you leave it. Roommates and friends have been known to play with each other’s computers and belongings and stumble across things. Not to make you paranoid, but do take that precaution.

        If you are in a small college town and can get away occasionally to cities where you might socialize, comfortably, that would be a good thing. And, by all means, do take great care in selecting those with whom you choose to associate. As Jamari points out, be wary of hyenas and jackals who would think nothing of outing you. They can be very messy so keep your distance but never throw shade their way or give them reason to dislike you.

        Wow, I had no idea I was going to go on this long so I’ll stop here. One more thing, solo masterbation is a good thing:).

    • If you’ve never told dude you like him & you never told your female friend that you like dude – how in the world are they supposed to know? Maybe dude would be feeling you too, but since you’re not making any moves…what’s he gonna do? Not being mean, but don’t blame faith (or God) for your inaction. SHE’S actually acting on her attraction…

      Sounds like you’re too DL for your own good…

      • We are not females YBW, we can’t act on our attractions like women, we are men who like other men. I’m not blowing myself up on this college campus when I’ve been here for only 8 months. It’s too soon to start telling people my biz like that. Why would I want to put my reputaion in jeopardy over a man? I come off as very conservative and reserved(in person), and have to keep it that way, so why would I come out and tell him I like him for him to blast me, people get hurt way man.

  2. I will say I find those eternal optimist super religious types fascinating though.

    Their whole life could be falling apart and they still have faith and then they end up with more than they had from jump.

  3. You beta preach Jamari!!! I been on my fairy aswell. First it seems like everything about to fall apart then outa nowear it comes together. I had to learn let things will be his won’t let you get into somthing that you can’t get out of. It may take a few extra steps and prayers but you can figur it out

  4. Faith is more than just belief – it’s action too. Actions that support & put you on the path to what you believe. While your friend may have been broke, he not only believed that there was better out there for him, but I’m sure he started doing things to make it happen (like interviews, building his knowledge base, networking, etc.). He didn’t just sit at home a-wishin & a-prayin…

    That’s an important part.

  5. Letting go has probably been the hardest thing for me. Even though everything works out, I still get into situations and feel as though THIS is the time that it doesnt work out. THIS is the situation that will ruin me forever. But it always ends up how it was suppose to.

  6. The Man :
    We are not females YBW, we can’t act on our attractions like women, we are men who like other men. I’m not blowing myself up on this college campus when I’ve been here for only 8 months. It’s too soon to start telling people my biz like that. Why would I want to put my reputaion in jeopardy over a man? I come off as very conservative and reserved(in person), and have to keep it that way, so why would I come out and tell him I like him for him to blast me, people get hurt way man.

    I’m not saying you have to come out or even tell this dude anything. You know what risks you’re willing to take. What I am saying is that closed mouths don’t get fed. It seems you’re feeling self-pity/sorrow over a situation where no one even knows you like men. Now if this girl knows you get down & she’s still going after this dude, then she’s not someone you want to have as a friend. Better now than later. Otherwise what would you expect them to do?

    And I found circles of people outside of college to talk to & explore my sexuality. I eventually “came out” (if you could call it that) as a sophomore – or actually I just stopped caring what other people thought; if they asked me, I didn’t lie – just went about living my life. I find that people will talk about you regardless, so why not make myself happy & let them continue gossiping? But I was in a big city, so college wasn’t the center of my social life.

    You don’t know what he’s gonna do…unless he’s been pretty vocal against gay/bi dudes…btw.

  7. Im going through some difficult times right now, but I will never lose my faith that things will work out and be ok. I have had my back up against the wall and wondered would I lose everything and still came out ahead. I have had friends who had their life cut short early, but I was spared for engaging in some of the same type of risky behaviors. Sometimes we think God doesnt love us because we like men and told our whole lifestyle is wrong, but I know what I have been brought through to know that he loves me just as much as the next man.

  8. Old Head :
    I got you; I understand, now. I remember my college days. I was so sheltered growing up and naive and things were so different then — there was no Internet, we didn’t have the rights and legal protections that exist in many places today — I didn’t realize and accept that I was gay until junior year when I admitted to myself I must be gay, since the brothers were giving me fever and the sisters were not.
    I was a teenage virgin because I didn’t know anything about gayness. Trust me, we have come a long way. In reciting the Apostles’ Creed in church, there was the line that said man commited sin by thought, word and deed. Since I wasn’t commiting sin by even thinking about sex with girls, I thought I was righteous and that I would get the feeling on my wedding night. Premarital sex was taboo. I know that must sound incredible to most of you, but it’s true. I knew nothing about guys having sex with each other. It wasn’t even in my vocabulary or thinking. Now, there was something about certain boys’ butts that stimulated me, but I thought those thoughts were uniquely within me, being clueless that others might be thinking them and some even acting on them. The guys who turned me on growing up were masculine looking and acting like myself.
    Once I got to college and learned about some guys being this thing called gay, that’s when I began wondering about myself. But, the guys who people talked about being gay did not appeal to me at all. I could not imagine that the brothers who turned me on were experiencing some of the same feelings I was. It was junior year that I finally said, since I wasn’t doing anything with females, that I must be gay. And, that’s when the frustration really set in because I was afraid to approach those brothers.
    So, I understand fully where you’re coming from, Man. Unfortunately, even though we have come a very long way, there is still a lot — way too much, in fact — heterosexism and homophobia in society and in our community. People are still getting picked on and even physically abused. It must be very frustrating for you. Fortunately, you have this site and others, where you can, in privacy, commune with those of us like yourself. Jamari might not even realize just how valuable a service he is providing. A word of caution: I don’t know whether you have a roommate, but even if you don’t, be certain to lock your computer whenever you leave it. Roommates and friends have been known to play with each other’s computers and belongings and stumble across things. Not to make you paranoid, but do take that precaution.
    If you are in a small college town and can get away occasionally to cities where you might socialize, comfortably, that would be a good thing. And, by all means, do take great care in selecting those with whom you choose to associate. As Jamari points out, be wary of hyenas and jackals who would think nothing of outing you. They can be very messy so keep your distance but never throw shade their way or give them reason to dislike you.
    Wow, I had no idea I was going to go on this long so I’ll stop here. One more thing, solo masterbation is a good thing:).

    Thanks Old Head, that was some good stuff right there.

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