mental homework: (15)
one of the biggest taboos in every lifestyle.
one that is better left unspoken:
who knew when i wrote this entry:
it would lead to such a great discussion.
i love when everyone comes together and shares their stories.
i was blown away by all the comments in that entry,
all the various experiences and opinions,
but tajan and sanity comments really got me…
I’m going to remember this topic and this date because I think that this post will go down in the top 10 in the foxhole for 2013. With that being said, let me say this, I am light skin with green eyes, and life has not been a bowl of cherries and lollipops for me. I look bi-racial, but I am not so I was always called white boy growing up and it affected me and tore at my self confidence just as a dark skin person. I grew up in a all black, working/middle class neighborhood, but I was the lightest dude in the neighborhood so I couldn’t run and hide and blend in, and it was many kids who used to jump me just because. It seem like I always had to prove myself that I was really authentically black. All through school, I was pretty introverted and just concentrated on books and school, this actually help me in the long run, but socially I was awkward until I was grown and just started forcing myself to be a social person. Now older Black people treated me really good, and Black teachers in school were extra nice and let me get away with more, than some of my darker skin friends. I saw this with my own eyes. I am so glad that my parents were very pro-black and filled our house with all types of images of black people and I was always attracted to all shades of black, black is so beautiful to me no matter the shade but I must say that darker shades of black are my personal preference, just never been attracted to other light skin dudes for many reasons.
Now with the gay thing, I have had many dudes who are attracted to me for just my light skin alone and this used to really bother me and turn me off, I am like you don’t even know if I’m crazy, a asshole etc but that’s ok because I am light, but then I thought I am attracted to dudes who are attractive with nice bodies so I am no different, we all have our things that attract us to others. Now I can say that some of the dudes I have kicked it with, have went out of their way to be extra nasty to me because of their own insecurities and took it out on me for my skin tone, and that in turned fucked with my self esteem and had me not wanting this light skin cross to bear. I used to say to myself, I wish I was brown, because I think its hard when you are one extreme or the other, either light or dark you are going to have skin color issues. I know in the black community, you are called Red Boy, White Boy, Albino, Yella etc all kinds of nicknames you didn’t ask for, and on the other end, if you are dark, you are called Blackie, Darkie, Blue and the negative list goes on. We still have miles to go in our own community dealing with skin color issues.
Another thing I have noticed is with str8 dudes like in public (the barbershop, club, the gym, even church) when you are light skin and talk correct and carry yourself in a professional manner, they either gone automatically think you are gay or uppity and don’t even give you a chance before they judge you, but when they get to know you and see you are cool then its a different story, maybe black men do that to each other no matter the skin tone, but I still have experienced a lot of hate with gay and str8 men who think the worse of me because of my skin tone.
I say all this to say, don’t think that the grass is so much greener on the other side because that is not always the case.
Well. I’m dark skin myself and all my life I’ve been teased, even my family treated me like I was a outcast, and it really took a toll on my life. I have a brother who is lighter than me and everyone gives him attention and I always felt that maybe there was something wrong with me. Even with guys some wont even give me a second look because they see how dark I am. Sometimes at work when I’m at my desk people that see wont even say good morning or hello but my manager who is white they always say hello to, its always people who are of my complexion that talk to me and here and there it might be someone light skin, but its something that light skin, whites and anyone lighter under the sun wouldnt understand, we as dark skin people have to do alittle extra and for some it may come quite easy, but for a light skin, nice hair, nice eyes and a smile will pass, we have to go the mile to dress well, present ourselves properly, have a nice body, a big ass, big dick, if we dont qualify for that then we fo nowhere in life. I’ve come many times no being comfortable in my own skin, and til this day I’m still not comfortable in my own skin, I think within the lifestyle we are cut short of what we have to offer, one glimpse we are considered ugly, tar-baby and etc. But however its not about how the world precieves the color of are skin and how we can embrace ourselves. There might be a times where I dont feel beautiful one day and the next day you feel like something andor somebody, but its not all dark skin people though some arent completely comfortable being light skin is almost another from of being white, and when we are darker in color we are categorized as violent and a threat to society. Alot of this goes back to slavery.
stories from both sides of the color spectrum.
you never know what one side is going through,
and shocked to hear the other side.
you go online and “light or damn near white is right“,
while dark skin is frowned upon and shunned.it’s sad.
hopefully one day we can all just cum…
speaking of skin color,
i really appreciated what kendrick lamar said about it.
he addressed why he choose a darker vixen for the lead in his video,
this is what he had to tell miss info:
“We had another girl for the lead, but I had an idea where I just wanted a little bit of a darker tone [girl] in the video. It’s almost like a colorblind industry where there’s only one type of appeal to the camera … I always kept in the back of my mine, like, ‘you don’t ever see this tone of a woman in videos.’ No disrespect, I love all women. Period. But at the same time, I still feel like it needs that balance.”
here is the video:
check out his album,
good kid, m.A.A.d city.
it’s pretty dope.