Ronald was a cute cute cute boy…
but see, he ain’t know it.
See, Ronald was told all his life that he was attractive, but he ain’t never believe it.
He grew up with a younger brother that got all the attention and all the toys.
This left poor Ronald fighting and rebelling for his parent’s love.
Ronald was also gay and was looking for Wolves to make him feel appreciated.
He would fall for their empty compliments because he wanted love.
He would do whatever these Wolves said because he felt that they “loved” him somehow.
I ain’t recall a night of peen “love”, but whatever.
Ronald fucks, sucks, and ends up alone once they are done with him.
*****
The story of “Ronald” is much like some of ours.
We are looking for that Wolf-In-Armor to come rescue our asses and be our “Beacon of Self Worth“.
Sadly, a Wolf can sniff out low self esteem in a heart beat and use it against us.
Why do we look for validation from others when we need to look in a damn mirror?
Why are we searching for something that can only be found in oneself?
It’s like we are in one dark ass room looking for the door to get out,
but we are too busy feeling around looking for a switch.
I had to ask…
Are you searching through another for your self esteem?
When you are insecure, you live in a world that feels like a cage.
You are constantly searching for something that feels like a never ending quest.
You look at others and admire what they have.
Insecurity also makes you do the damnedest things when you meet a Wolf.
He could be perfect and exactly what you were looking for.
Since you are looking for “yourself” at the moment, you fuck it ALL up…
If he says smash the homies: DONE.
Only calls you for head: WHAT TIME?
Only loves you for your fat ass: GOD! I HOPE I DONT LOSE IT!
Talks down to you and calls you stupid: WELL MY MAMA DID CALL ME DUMB GROWING UP…
It is the same constant spiral a Fox don’t need to be in.
It only leaves you feeling drained and used.
You wake up, look in the mirror one day, and say, “WHO HAVE I BECOME?!“
I am not one to fall for flattery from no Wolf.
I don’t need a Wolf to tell me I look good.
I KNOW I look good and you don’t think I look good, you can get the entire FUCK out my face.
I use to look at people who were better than me and feel sad back in the day.
I will admit that they are Foxes out here who put my brown ass to shame.
Sadly, a majority of them were looking for validation through picture comments and hard pipe.
My ass is still tight, while theirs looks like week old lasagna.
A FOX AIN’T GOT THE TIME FOR DIAPERS.
Wolves tell me all the time that I look good.
They think that I will bow down to the Great Wolf Dick because he showed me some attention.
Wolves end up liking me because I don’t pay them any mind.
I do a nice IGNORE until he comes correct.
The same shit you told me you done told some other nigga earlier.
These compliments he is dishing out ain’t really shit but empty words and hopeless promises.
Just so he can get some bomb…
As I live in this lifestyle, I see so many insecure Foxes, Wolves, and Hybrids.
They know themselves, but do they really?
Television has people thinking they are in some reality show.
Yet, they up on video camera looking like common whores because they feel that will get them liked.
Naw, that gets you fucked.
But realistically, is this all we are doing?
Flattering each other to be someone’s piece of one night ass?
Can I expect more, or do I need to get a 1 bedroom mansion to go?
I started to wonder…
“Wolves tell me all the time that I look good.
They think that I will bow down to the Great Wolf Dick because he showed me some attention.
Wolves end up liking me because I don’t pay them any mind.
I do a nice IGNORE until he comes correct.
The same shit you told me you done told some other nigga earlier.
These compliments he is dishing out ain’t really shit but empty words and hopeless promises.
Just so he can get some bomb…” THIS!
Too bad, I like the lil boys pretty and dumb, we give them opportunities to be manly and set their foots, yet they ALWAYS give a reason to be dominated . The recent jawn i got off bgc, light skin sexiest latino texts me daily begging to be “my bitch” – literally. a lot want a daddy figure i was told he wants me to dominate him and will suck my dick when I want. Why would i want to be a save-a-ho? Ah, lil sexy boys, add me i got a bgc, click my name.
Damn J, this post hit me like a ton of bricks. I have a confession, I am insecure as hell, admitting it, is the first step. I have this thing where I compare myself to other dudes who I feel look better, and have more to offer. I have literally been working on me to say to myself that I have something to offer and bring to the table. I see some of my issues from childhood. Growing up, I had plenty of love from both of my parents, but it was the outside world that was cruel. I am light skin and looked bi-racial growing up, even though both of my parents were black, my mom was just real fair skin and I took after her,my parents were very pro-black and I was too, but as a kid, I was always teased and called white boy, this was tough in an all black neighborhood. Add to this, I was shy and not athletic and retreated to a world of books,just a nerd and bookworm. All the boys around me played sports and I was too insecure, so then the whispers of sissy and punk came into the mix. I just became a good student and actually got respect from the boys for being smart and knowing about sports, so it wasn’t that bad growing up and I shot up to be big and tall after puberty, so I wasn’t tried too much. I still have moments though when I feel I have to prove myself that I am black enough, or in my mind I can still hear whispers when I run into someone from my childhood that they are still judging me.
Its so funny, when I think about it, I have now transform myself with working out that now I look like the boys who I secretly wanted to be growing up, and its even funnier that all the athletic boys are now fat and out of shape. My insecurity from childhood just transferred over in my adult relationships, on top of getting with dudes who drug my self-esteem down in the gutter. I know what it feels like to look at yourself and not feel you measure up, I sometimes realize I am my own worst enemy. I really believe that people can see your insecurity and in relationships, they will treat you bad when they can see an opening. Thank God, I have never stayed around to let someone drag me completely down. Its so crazy and mixed up, I have been with dudes who were darker and I found out that they had insecurities because of their skin color because they were teased for being dark, and they would tell me that they would love to be my color. Wow you never know what someone is going through until you walk in their shoes.
Jamari, although I have said it so many times, thank you for this forum, because this is truly my therapy, I find myself always discussing the topics you bring forth with all my friends, as a matter of fact, I am going to have a conversation party, were I am going to write out some of these scenarios and discuss them. I can say I have become a better person, doing self-analysis with some of the topics and especially the input from everyone on here-(Shout out to Random, Vain, Jay, The Man,Omg, YngBlkWolf), yall dudes have given me so much insight, and many more on here I have forgot to shout out, but some of the input is invaluable in helping you figure out a situation. I am glad I continue to grow and I can see that I am eventually going to get to the place I need to in dealing with this gay life.
^so glad you were brave enough to share this.
i am glad i can help anyway i can.
Thanks for the shout out.
Jamari I completely agree with you insecurities run high in this lifestyle because of everything being in this lifestyle brings you. This lifestyle is not for the weak or faint heart you go threw extreme judgement and pain sometimes coming from your own parents or other family members. All of us gay men want to be love but most of us think we will never find it because of things we have been through or heard about and this makes us very fearful so we get desperate and put up with bullshit from other dudes just to feel wanted. The key to stopping this from happening is loving yourself first and needing yourself first and knowing your worth and knowing you deserve real love and a good man when you do this I guarantee your life will be much happier and prosperous and this lifestyle will be so much easier cause you won’t put up with any bullshit because you will know you deserve better than that
Loved your response to your straight friend.
LOL! I had to let him know, just like every woman don’t want you, neither does every gay man! But what got me was the fact that he was shocked that I didn’t want him and didn’t find him attractive, and it really bothered him, because after that he’d always be like, “I know I’m ugly and all, but…”. So like I said those insecurities are in everyone, the gays just tend to wear theirs on their sleeves!
^i really love this richie.
great lesson to be learned.
😉
I see insecurities in everyone, gay or straight…some just more than others, most of those insecurities do stem from childhood, and we search for the validation until we become ok with ourselves, of which normally takes a lot of work, soul searching, and letting go of some things
^don’t you see it A LOT within this lifestyle Richie?
maybe because everyone is looking for this “perfect love”,
they fall for anything…
I will say amongst the LGBT community it seems more evident because there are less of us, of which makes it more noticeable… But I’m gonna tell you a quick funny story..I have a straight guy friend named Reds, he got really drunk at my house one night, and asked could he stay cuz he didn’t wanna drive, I said sure..he responds with “and don’t be trying no gay shit with me either lol!” and my response was “eeew!! ” followed by a stank face! His response was “why you looking like that? What’s wrong with me?!”. I said you’re not even my type, you’re skinny, you have red hair, you’re too light, and too damn short! I say that to say, even this confident straight man had the insecurity of not being liked.. We as gay men have a tendency to maybe be more insecure due to hiding who we are when we’re young, and knowing there’s a part of society that hates us, and still wanting to be what society considers a man even tho we have feelings for other men…so because of that I think our insecurities and thirstiness maybe a little more evident