Fed Ex Your Way Into My (Heart)

hubba-hubba-cardtoday i saw him.
oh did i see him.
he saw me as well.
this is how this eye fuckin’ situation started…

so i’m sitting at my desk this morning,
minding my own business,
when i hear this deep voice ask where “such and such” office was.
when i turn to see who it was,
my eyes caught his.
this tall glass of wolf in a fed ex uniform was standing next to my desk.
tall
caramel
muscular
nice teeth
smooth skin

looked like a football player/personal trainer
faint-ohe looks like he should be pushing doing drills not mail runs.
he was actually talking to one of the interns,
but he stopped to look at me while doing it.
i swear we were looking at each other for what felt like 5 minutes.
he did a head nod and smiled as he walked away with the intern.
A BOLD MOVE!
i made sure to return the favor.
now our regular fed ex person is a short stud with dreads.
i don’t know if she quit or took the day off,
but this wolf was completely new.

so soon after,
like 15 minutes,
my boss comes to my desk to talk to me about some work she needs done.
i see him again.
this time he has more packages.
we lock eyes AGAIN.
he does another “head nod/smile” combo.
i try to return the favor,
but my boss is standing right in front of me.

“why is this bitch at my desk right now?!?!?!?”

a_560x375okay.
i take the “L” and do a small prayer hoping i see him again.
well god must have been feeling generous.
a couple minutes later,
he comes by yet again talking about “he can’t find such and such”.
this time he asks liar liar who then directs him to where he needed to go.
why are all these people at my desk when this wolf is sniffin’ around me?!?!?
he literally passes so close to the point he was next to me.
this time he doesn’t look in my direction and i kept my eye contact short.
he looked nervous so i guess he aborted the mission.
ya’ll.
I WANT HIM!!!!
I WANT HIM!!!
I WANT HIM!!!!
I WANT HIM RIGHT NOW!!!
i need to see him again.
he would be the perfect thing to do this summer.
i wanted to break the ice,
but i didn’t know wtf to ask him.

“how did you get your shirt to hug your body like that?”

no.

“i live alone and my bed gets cold.
would you like to come over and warm it up?”

naw.

“yes!
god yes!
i will marry you and have your beautiful baby puppy!”

well that wasn’t a question,
but “uh uh”.

i’m going see him again.
i’m putting that into my vibration.
i hope no one is around me to cock block.

2rppis1 2iufjgzi am liable to throw something at their ass.
i’m gonna be ready next time.

15 thoughts on “Fed Ex Your Way Into My (Heart)

  1. How about: Are you a personal trainer? If he says yes, then ask for his business card as you may need his services. If he says “no”, then you might want to ask for his number anyway because you want to talk to him about his exercise and work-out routine so that you might incorporate some of what he does in what you do. And if possible, in either case, you may want to exchange numbers–in case you some how forget his so that he might call you. This latter point might not be practicable. And look for a wedding ring before you ask!

      • Let us know how/if it works. I’m confident that other readers will give you other/better lines to use. I should have written “exercise and work-out routine and diet”. And if he doesn’t have his card on him, have him write his number on a piece of paper. And you want to talk with him by phone because you are so busy at work that you can’t take 5-10 minutes out to discuss it.

      • ^im excited now.
        i really hope I see him monday.
        just my luck,
        with this mercury retrograde happening,
        he will come on a day I will be caught off guard.

  2. Maybe you could ask him where he’s from because he looks familiar to you.( it could be a jumping off point of my favorite way to break the ice just say good morning with a smile) sorry I can’t think of more I’m not very good at this lol. Good luck tho.

    • That’s not a bad one at all, just come off as sincere as possible. You gotta frown your face up before asking him to look like you are actually thinking whether you know him or not.

  3. You guys are giving some good advice for starting conversations. I would use the sports one myself if I kept up with any kind of sport.

  4. I had to do some thinking about this. How often do you see this dude? Daily? A few days a week? Once a week? It really matters.

    Y’all’s advice is wrong as hell tho. Foxes cannot tell other Foxes how to approach or start a conversation with a Wolf. The personal trainer route is not the way to go for sure. NO, NO, and NO. Leave that to the females. They are allowed to make such comments. They say shit like “Ooo you are so strong. Are you a trainer? Do you workout?” Asking him whether he is a trainer will make you come off as less masculine and thirsty. It is a popular thirst move that breaks the ice, but that should not be a conversation starter in this lifestyle, especially if both men claim to be masculine.

    I’m skeptical for you to talk about sports because there is not much to talk about. Football season has not started, and basketball season will most likely be over after tomorrow night, I’m sure of that. Us Wolves love to go in depth with our sports talk as much as straight guys. You can’t talk about the Spurs kickin the Heats ass without being about to further the convo beyond that. If he brings up Kahwi Leonard are you going to know how to go in depth about how well he has been playing offensively and defensively the past couple of games? Or if he wants to talk about the Heat, you can talk about how invisible Mario Chalmers has been or how Wade’s knees are clearly worse than what people thought, which is why he’s been so inconsistent despite him not playing in back to back games during the season so that he would be healthier come playoff time. You have to know how to go in and know your shit if you want to take that approach. A Wolf hates it when a Fox pretends to know his sports, or one who thinks he knows what he is talking about when he doesn’t. I can’t stand that shit. Foxes talkin bout they know football when they don’t even know what the line of scrimmage is, or the ones who think an interception is completed pass lol. You ain’t gotta lie Craig. DAMN.

    Here is my best advice. A formal greeting is proper as the first conversation starter. I don’t know you personally, but I take it that you thrive off of being charming and polite, which is what you should stick to man. Stick to what you know, and you will be fine. Speak to him and ask him how is his day is, and as you continue to see him, make sure your convos with him progress further each time. Do what makes you comfortable, not what you think will win the Wolf over.

Play nice, stay on topic, and for the love of god: NO SPAM!