f0xmail: My Great Love Is A Bisexual DL Wolf and He Left Me! Help!

FOXMAIL

Hey Jamari,

I’m a dl bisexual guy, although I’ve mostly been focusing on guys lately because I fell in love with one. He’s your typical alpha type and he’s in the military. Total womanizer and extremely good looking. We grew up hating each otheralways fighting and arguing. Then as we moved into adulthood (around 18 years old), we became frienemies, then eventually just friends. Eventually, something happened and we fell in love. He would call every morning like clockwork as soon as he opened his eyes, then he would call every night right before bed, not to mention an afternoon call. We never made love (although he came to my house one time and made it clear that he wanted us to fuck. I just wasn’t ready for that step with a man). He told me that he’s in love with me after I finally admitted my feelings.

I was very difficult. Poor guy was like the man in a man/woman relationship with me. I guess it’s because we grew up arguing so I never really grew out of it. Anyway, we grew apart and he stopped talking to me. Then he started talking to me again and then I stopped talking to him. It’s a cycle. Then he started rewriting out history and acting like we were never in love. I thought I was crazy until i called him out one day and asked him if he was in love with me. He told me the following:

“If you know a fish is going to swim down a river, would you still ask if the fish is going to swim down the river?” But then he told me I can’t have it my way and that he’s not able to give me what I want. After that he completely erased our history from his mind and he went back to dating women and being in relationships with them. I guess I kind of know why he pushed me away…plus his family is church-going and homophobic (plus the military thing). I just want to know your thoughts.

I’m only asking because this has been going on for 10 years and I am so heartbroken. The ordeal changed me for the worse. I’m not the same person I was and now I sleep around with my just trying to fill a void. I think he’s my one great love.

MY ANSWER…

there was a wolf i knew.
bisexual and perfect.
he wanted me so bad.
i wanted to fuck this wolf so bad.
my bawdy was literally yearning,
but i was scared to go there with him.
well after a mistake in communication,
and being a brat,
he stopped speaking to me.
i was younger on that frontin shit:

“well,
uh,
whatever!
his loss!”

…but i knew i fucked up.
i stumbled upon him years later and he looked even better.
he glo’d up with a new look and bawdy.
my bawdy still yearned for him,
but it looked like he left the life and moved on.
at that time in my life,
i don’t think i was ready for someone like him.

time.
it waits for no one.
neither does love.
we think someone will wait for us.
reader,
i suspect that’s what happened with you and this wolf.
i also suspect other things added onto his decision to end it.
it seemed to have started with intense sexual attraction.
all the back and forth created an intense emotional attraction.
your situation reminds me of this song:

…but on his end in the beginning.
he handed it off to you and now you’re singing it.
i just don’t think you were ready.
he was; you weren’t.
no other fox is like you so he left it all alone completely.
to fill your void,
he found your replacement(s) who have vaginas.
you are trying to fuck him out your system.

that never works

if he is your great love as you say,
he may come back.
they always say they won’t and they usually do.
i also don’t believe there is only one great love out there for us.
in all honesty,
before you deal with another love,
i think you need to do your own healing.
you need to properly let go so you can say “goodbye”,
if not “see ya around”.
no reason in waiting around for a “what if”.

it’s okay to be heartbroken because that’s love.
10 years is a long time.
there is no “faults” because that’s just how love goes.
i suggest you start to accept that.
he may not be the wolf you want him to be.
he has too much baggage that you may not be able to handle.
so go through the emotions and stop sleeping around.
jumping on random dicks is only hurting you.
you need to take some time for you and treat it like a funeral.

it’s funny you sent this because work wolf put up a pic on his social media today.
it was him and his vixen.
one of our mutual friends told me:

“yeah,
he is really feeling her.”

that stung a little.
i felt sad for like 10 minutes but i quickly dismissed it.
some days,
i find myself missing what we “had” and the things we “did”.
it wasn’t 10 years,
but it was intense.
there is someone else out there for me tho.
same for you as well.

i hope this helped you in some way.
i’m sure the foxhole will leave some inspirational comments as well.
stay up.

best,
jamari fox

12 Comments

  1. Malcolm said:

    LIVE…The past is done and the present is fading but tomorrow remains…So live like hell today so that you’ll be ready for what comes tomorrow…I’ve been hurt before, i don’t think I’ve been in love yet, but i know what it feels like to put yourself on hold for someone. Going thru your mind what if this happened or if he said that or etc but at the end of the day it wasn’t to be. Reader you need someone who’s going to love you, and i mean REALLY love you…sometimes in life we want it to work out with someone who isn’t designed for us to begin with…We give too many temporary people lifetime benefits to our heart…Keep learning and living, find who you are become the best you and watch you find that which you are searching for…good luck

    December 28, 2016
    Reply
    • mikey kun said:

      “We give too many temporary people lifetime benefits to our heart”

      Preach Malcolm

      December 28, 2016
      Reply
  2. Chris said:

    Wow. I thought I was the only one dealing with a similar situation. I think you gave great advise Jamari. It’s best to just focus and work on yourself. So many times people put so much focus on another person that other areas of life falls by the waist side. This is a great time for him to date himself and learn who he is.

    December 28, 2016
    Reply
  3. Tony said:

    I would have a conversation and asmit you made a mistake and let a good man go. If I were him I’d think you were playing games. He grew up…you didnt. Come clean with your feelings and let the chips fall where they may. Yobut u need that closure and move on. There are 100 billion people in the world…get to know as many of them is possible. If it’s meant to be it will be.
    But no more games. By the time the love of my life stopped playing games he was dying of cancer and we wasted 10 years

    December 28, 2016
    Reply
    • Jamari Fox said:

      ^between that debbie reynolds/carrie fisher entry and this:

      “By the time the love of my life stopped playing games he was dying of cancer and we wasted 10 years.”

      that made me legit break down and cry.
      i’m sad now.
      i’m sorry you didn’t get to experience love with him.

      December 28, 2016
      Reply
      • Tony said:

        We had 6 years together. .happy and sad times then broke up…but always felt we would get back together. I got a call that he was sick. ..it took me a week to go see him. I finally went to see him and I got a call an hour after I left that he died. All my relationships after him never lasted. I think I found a,way to sabotage them always comparing others to him. Find true love and fight like hell to keep it.

        December 28, 2016
    • Jake said:

      The last sentence in this comment hits you legit in the feels. Like that was so sad.

      December 28, 2016
      Reply
  4. Jake said:

    I’ve learnt a long time ago to state my feelings in potential relationships and let the chips fall as they may. Sometimes it may not be the result that you may like but it is far better than doing nothing.

    “It’s better to try and fail than fail to try.”

    No one has the power to arrest time. We always chase it and it always ends as the victor. So, make use of it while you can because the worst thing you can ever squander is time.

    December 28, 2016
    Reply
  5. mikey kun said:

    To the sender of the foxmail my heart goes out to you. At the time you just weren’t ready and you felt like he would always be there. Don’t beat yourself up over it I’m starting to learn the biggest life lessons are the ones where we have to learn from our mistakes.

    I agree with Tony you should call and just stand in your truth and expresss your feelings no matter the outcome. You’ll need that closure to move on if he doesn’t come around.

    Good luck to you!

    December 29, 2016
    Reply
  6. Dee said:

    I’m a little late!
    Foxholer, if there’s still a chance, fight for it. If you’re ready for a relationship you have to be ready to compromise. If you two missed your window you’ll have to accept it, learn from your mistakes, and move on.

    I may be wrong, but reading this I picked up that it’s very hard for you to love someone. I don’t know if you’ve been hurt by someone or you just don’t trust people that easily. Love seems like a very strong word for you, that you don’t say unless you mean it. Not everyone is like that though, some people fall fast and hard. He seemed sure of it and was waiting for you, the reluctance probably even hurt him more than he’d admit.

    December 29, 2016
    Reply
  7. bmoc78 said:

    great advice Jamari. the foxholer may feel like he missed out. I hope the emotional attraction is not enhanced by the perceived unavailability of said dude. I.e. suddenly wanting what we cannot have. Closure is needed a Jake said, but go into that conversation prepared for rejection, That way any other outcome could only be a pleasant surprise.

    December 29, 2016
    Reply
  8. bernard289 said:

    Okay Mr. Fox,

    10’s on this response across the board!

    December 29, 2016
    Reply

Play nice, stay on topic, and for the love of God: NO SPAM IN THE FOXHOLE!