tumblr_static_illustration_of_an_open_envelopeFOXMAIL

Hi Jamari,

First of all congrats on the job. I just found one myself. Ain’t God good? Anyway, i  recently met this down low guy. We met online. He is very much in the closet. Has a girl friend. You know the type. He is definitely one of those undetectable types. He’s brown skin, got a nice body, tats, hood swag, everything I like. We’ve only texted since the first time we met and I think he is really interested. We are supposed to get together this weekend and will probably have sex. I want to let him know I like him and try to get him to open up. But he’s so private.

How can I put him at ease and let him know that he can trust me?

MY ANSWER…

lets dive right into this one,
shall we?

“he is very much in the closet”

“has a girlfriend”

tumblr_ly7ttsybhz1r6hmkyo1_400aside from those 2 red flags,
he sounds like someone i would definitely would to let beat.
the way i have always dealt with d/l wolf,
ones who looks like that,
is i let them come to me.
i went with the flow.
after all,
he was private because he wants to be in control.

 you already know what you are gonna get with this wolf.
you and him will probably meet up and fuck.
its not like he hit you up to talk about his international studies class.
you made his dick hard and he is expecting you to pull out whats waiting inside.
if you try and pull away however,
start acting like some kind of “friend”,
it will probably break the spell because it will come off obvious.
he trusts you right now because you promised him sex.
that card is on the table.
you can’t pick it up.
he won’t show his other cards until he sees you in person and feels you out.
(what if in person you don’t like him?
what if he can’t fuck?
what if his dick is small?
what if it smells like rotten gooda?)

2gwu7fajust asking before we crown him “a winner”.
anyway he is going to be private because he doesn’t know who you are.
you’re still a stranger who could out him.
after you let him beat,
you just have to see what happens.
so from now until this weekend,
if you want to try something,
just hit him up to say wassup and see if he is open for convo.
try to figure out his schedule when he texts more.
keep the convo light.
be a blip on his radar.
try to keep the sexual shit at a minimum,
but if he brings it up,
just go with it and do your damnedest to turn him on.
after all,
this is a hook up in his eyes.
after this weekend,
once you successfully drained his nut sack,
he may probably keep coming to you for more sex.
after all he is d/l and that’s how they work.
the way to lull the great d/l wolf is to let him know you:

can be trusted with his secrets
available when he is horny
don’t act like a clingy vixen

the rules of being a jumpoff in any sexual orientation really.
so that’s pretty much it.
so make sure you put him to work as he will with you.

tumblr_n0ojw4eDLG1si245xo6_250oh and i will say this with one caveat:

put in your mind from now
that he could still never text back
after he gets the bunz

okay?
congrats on the new gig btw!
have fun and use protection!

best,
jamari

35 Thoughts on “f0xmail: I Want This D/L Wolf With The Girlfriend To Like Me After We Smash!

  1. Great advice J.

  2. Lindo on 10 March, 2014 at 9:31 pm said:

    Yea D/L wolves are good for sex and that pretty much it.
    who are those guys in the gif.
    damn i wanna be fucked like that.

  3. over it on 10 March, 2014 at 9:44 pm said:

    Damn J, I swear you give some of the BEST advice

  4. The Man on 10 March, 2014 at 9:53 pm said:

    You want him to like you right? Then why are you going to sleep with him before you connect with him emotionally? Y’all should know this stuff, it’s lifestyle etiquette. If you want to be with him long term, you hold off on the sex. Us Wolves do not respect Foxes who are ready and willing to give it up after a week or two, we don’t.

    You need to use more than sex for him to like you. Show him what you have on the inside. The key to a man’s heart is through emotion. You have to get him away from his girlfriend for good, and sex is not going to do it.

  5. Random on 10 March, 2014 at 10:09 pm said:

    He’s delusional if he thinks this will be anything more than a quick smash and pass.

    He has a girlfriend.
    He is on the downlow.
    He only texts you.
    “We’re going to meet up this weekend and probably have sex.”

    I don’t mean to be judgmental, but wtf is the matter with some of you? Are the options really that few? Do so many of us really have such low self-esteem that we’re settling for men who wouldn’t dare be seen in public with us? How much is your integrity worth, really?

    The fact that you’ve already decided that you’re giving up the buns (to a man who’s already taken and won’t speak to you on the phone) tells me you don’t take yourself seriously and if you think he’s going to take you more seriously than you take yourself, you have another thing coming.

    • The Man on 10 March, 2014 at 10:21 pm said:

      I love this Random. Self-esteem issues are real in this life bro. The things I’ve heard….shit.

      You cannot love someone who is unavailable. Downlow men will never love another man while he’s with a woman. He won’t.

      • Random on 10 March, 2014 at 10:32 pm said:

        It’s sad, honestly. I read the email and shook my head the entire way through. He’s willingly getting himself involved with someone who will never want him.

        We speak a lot on this site about the interaction between women and gay men and how nasty women can be to gay men, thinking they all are sneaky and plotting and whatever other stereotype they can imagine. And yet here we have a perfect example of this exact behavior and people are co-signing it and telling him how to warm up to this woman’s boyfriend. Wtf.

        You don’t respect her.
        You don’t respect yourself.
        And yet, you want this dude to take YOU seriously and respect you?

        Nah bruh. He’s going to treat you like the jump off that you are and to be honest, you deserve it.

    • ^listen we all have our crosses to bear,
      so i personally won’t judge.
      we all have to experience to learn.
      you can warn someone,
      tell them what to look out for,
      but ultimately the lesson (whether good or bad) makes us who we are.
      i had to go through everything i went through to get to this point.
      so let him rock.
      i just hope the person who wrote it knows that it is only sex.
      the letter suggests its based on sex and there is no turning back now.

      • Random on 10 March, 2014 at 10:35 pm said:

        I’m all for people needing to learn their own lessons and bear their own cross. I’m just not about to make him feel better about being a harlot.

        If this is the role you want to play, then play it.

      • ^hey i could have told him:

        “dont do it!
        think about the girlfriend!
        please!
        stop!”

        blah blah blah.
        boo hoo hoo.
        if this wolf wants to cheat,
        he is gonna cheat.
        man or woman.
        his dick roams the streets.
        he could have lied and said he didn’t have a girlfriend.
        he was upfront about his situation and gave the reader the option.
        so i gave him the advice of someone who took the option,
        while still pointing out the red flags of it.
        plus the reader’s mind seems made up and he probably will still do it.
        so i say go ahead.
        do it.
        sometimes the best lessons are learned when you are tested with something you really want.
        i could warn him until i’m blue in the face and my fingers fall off.
        does it mean he will listen?

      • Random on 10 March, 2014 at 10:52 pm said:

        Does that mean he will listen? No, but co-signing his behavior is just as bad as encouraging it, in my opinion. You didn’t do anything wrong. He asked a question and you answered it. We’ve all had to learn our own lessons along the way and to your point, her boyfriend will eventually cheat on her with someone else anyway (assuming he hasn’t done so already); but that someone doesn’t have to be him and I think it’s more important to empower him to take personal responsibility for himself and the decision he’s making.than it is to make him feel better about the mistake he’s about to make.

        He needs to understand that he isn’t special. I’m sure this guy is talking to him and a handful of other dudes, all willing to give up the booty. Him thinking he’s going to be anything more than a quick dive in is delusional.

        Again, this is just my opinion. Take it with a grain of salt, haha.

    • westside on 11 March, 2014 at 1:08 pm said:

      Thank you! You speak the truth. I broke with a guy who wouldn’t even do public display of affection with me in public. He demanded so much in the relationship but that request he couldn’t do. I was like it won’t work with me and you. Are we that desperate we lower our standards for me who wouldn’t do the same for us.

  6. My advice is to put Jamari’s and The Man’s advice together. He’s DL and may be looking for just a hook-up–no strings attached. So if you sex him, you have to understand that it may be a one-shot-deal. He does have a girlfriend and may not want to be emotionally involved with a man. So my advice is that you feel him out and try to get to know his intentions–just sex or something more. When you meet him, you don’t have to go “all the way”. You can talk and go to first, second or third base (touching, kissing, getting naked but no penetration). Have him come back to go “all the way”. On the other hand, if you just want to have sex, have safer sex but realize that you may never see him again after he busts a nut.

  7. This has one night stand written all over it, Hood niggas don’t leave they Main for jumpoffs….especially if he’s a nigga. Hood DL dude’s aren’t even really Bi more so curious about the act of sex itself with a nigga. I’ve learn that’s it’s a temporary desire that fades with time and the company they keep enhanced their DL none conformant attitude towards embracing their Bisexuality.

    He’s going to get hurt Jamari if it’s feelings involved, I say no to sleeping with him and another woman’s man.

    Find a nigga that’s not attached at least…

  8. listen,
    and i know this maybe bad,
    but i’m not gonna be the “parent”.
    how many times have your parents told you something,
    friends told you something,
    and you went ahead and did it anyway?
    *raises both hands*
    how many times did we say,
    “damn this was a dumb idea”,
    after we did whatever it is we did?
    i’m all for telling someone don’t do it,
    but in that letter,
    it was clear: he wants the pipe.
    so go ahead and get it.
    hell you have time to renig once you fully think about it.
    just don’t think for a second you will turn this wolf into a husband.
    that will NOT happen.

    • We love u Jamari but your advice was dead wrong. He isn’t asking you to be a parent but you know well enough that some gay or bi men are naive in this lifestyle.

      Don’t persuade an individual who may have low self esteem and self worth to be some nigga’s quicky. Some of your readers look up to you and feel your experiences can help them, this is simply bad advice that will cause him emotional trauma.

      People who go through shit often used their experiences to teach others not to. Yeah you may defy your parents advice but they are only trying to help you in the long run…..parents want their kids to avoid bad situations that can have major consequences that will effect their lives.

  9. adam karrington on 10 March, 2014 at 11:51 pm said:

    the writer doesnt know the rule of Thirst University… check your feelings at the door.

  10. Random kudos, like the tough love approach and self esteem issues are real. But J your advice is right if he is proceeding down the path of a jumpoff, don’t be clingy after your initial encounter and go in with the expectation that you many never see or get text from this guy again. I think if he not calling you maybe he just isn’t that interested in you, messaging apps don’t count cause they are free and take no real effort.

  11. Personally I tell people when dealing with DL men there’s a chance you won’t hear anything back unless they specify that they want a friends with benefits type of deal with you on the regular. Don’t catch feelings because that can become messy.I had experience one time in dealing with a dl brotha who started to be possessive, popping up on the late night unannounced smh it was crazy however in all honesty you don’t know what’s going to happen. Lastly though he doesn’t have an obligation to the DL brother girlfriend so calling him a Harlot was almost comical harlot or hoes refer to someone who sleeps with many people on the regular. Besides do yyou know how many many men and women say theyre single and arent? In 2014 you really DON’T KNOW That’s a grown man on the DL contacting him for sex he has no obligation to that women because they’re not together regardless of him sleeping with her boyfriend.everyone is responsible for his or her own decisions Im just worried that he’s going to get dicked down thinking it’s a relationship and not just good sex.

    • “Besides do yyou know how many many men and women say theyre single and arent?”

      Ok, But the writer knows that he is not single and still wants to fuck with him? Like am I missing something.

      Is the girlfriend planning to do a threesome with her boyfriend and the writer and aware of what is going on because I’m just lost on why someone would still mess with someone knowing that they are in a relationship, whether married or dating.

  12. I don’t judge, but he needs to understand this is a FUCK, don’t go into it trying to make it more.

  13. James on 11 March, 2014 at 2:43 pm said:

    What the relationship is; a sexual one that I hope fufills some fantasy. What it isnt; going anywhere.

    Fuck. Ive been fucked with DL dudes before but I surely caught no feelings and enjoyed it for what it was. You cant change people bruh. Shit is mad delusional bruh.

  14. The Man on 11 March, 2014 at 4:11 pm said:

    Y’all Foxes wanna know one of the secrets to getting your dream Wolf? Well, you have to start respecting and valuing yourselves. You cannot present yourself as a jumpoff and expect to be taken seriously. We do not respect Foxes who do not respect themselves, period. I’m not cuffin a dude who is asking for the dick after knowing me for a few hours. It’s just not happening. Make a nigga earn and work for it man. Damn.

    You all see the muscles and the tattoos, and hop right in bed with the dude, and then when the sex is over, you want to have pillow talk. You are trying to talk to him, and he’s putting his jeans on. The Wolf done got what he wanted lol. Why should he stay when you haven’t given him a reason to? That booty is not going to keep him around. A nigga can find good booty anywhere lol.

    • Some dudes aren’t cuffing no matter how a dude presents themselves anyway though.

    • lol you’re right they can find good booty anywhere but nine times out of ten if you meet someone on a adult site, a4a, bgclive or etc they’re not looking to establish a friendship or anything of that nature. Now i encourage people to meet others in person because then and only then when you get to know people first will you develop some kind of emotional attachment…i can’t see how foxes get caught up thats what happens when people get dicked down…i’m the kind of person i don’t mind having my one friend whose on the DL, although I’m out with the demands of my career and life right now a relationship is out of question however in about two to three years i plan to be in a real relationship…but like you said a man isn’t going to cuff something that he got already up front not unless they did something crazy…which is quite ironic because i know plenty of men who have cuffed well known hoes in these streets and damn near made them into housewives…good men such as yourself though require more effort and honestly i’m willing to make things go slow for the right guy….

  15. Couple of things come to mind:

    Be prepared to fuck/get fucked and never be thought of again. In any sexual relationship, people have needs, and these needs change before, after, and sometimes during an interaction.

    How do you like someone, a perfect stranger, after a couple of text messages?

    If he’ll cheat with you, he’ll cheat on you.

    Sex and love are not the same things.

    Only thing he wants to open up is YOUR guts, not HIS feelings.

    Raise your standards.

    Run.

    • ICEEDEDPPL you hit it on the head baby. Great comment. This dude knows it’s all about sex but deep down inside he is hoping it will turn into a relationship. That he will steal his Prince Charming away from that Wicked Girlfriend MaleficentCunt. My advice is go ahead and have sex with him if you want…your ass is grown. Besides he has a girlfriend but that ain’t the same as being married so he is still on the market. But he has already told shorty the deal. He is DL! Why mess with a guy who can’t give you everything you want emotionally and won’t acknowledge you in public when there are so many good, single gay black men out there? That I don’t understand. Life is too short to waste time on bullshit like that but hey I know the power of DA DICK can make thirsty…oops I meant good — gay men do stupid things. #somefaggotsluvdrama

  16. Damn, now don’t get me wrong as I am not trying to be judgmental anyone but I can’t believe that some of you are encouraging this sh*t. Fuck that fact that he is DL and may not go past a one night stand but the bigger issue is this nigga has a GIRLFRIEND, which means that he is in a RELATIONSHIP. That alone should have made this nigga been cut off from the jump when you found out.

    But the thing is though we a lot of people both men & women, when they meet someone who is close to their “fantasy” of what they want in a man/woman they lose are regard and morals and willing to do sh*t typically out of their realm just to get a piece of something that could leave them with a sour taste in their mouth.

    If he is doing this with you, you think this nigga ain’t talking to other niggas too?

  17. I agree with the advice but I wouldn’t sex him on the first encounter. If you go out as a hookup he’ll try it once and move on to the next.

  18. KingAmbiguous on 11 March, 2014 at 10:27 pm said:

    You should just like natural takes it course, and if you two have sex then you do, but if not then so what. Just make it crystal clear to him in both words and action that his secret is safe with you, but that if he ever wants to come over to the other side of the sexual spectrum then you will be right there at a moment’s notice to support him in whatever way he needs or wants you to.

  19. Here’s the $64,000 question. Does anyone actually think this is the first time the dl dude has done this? If anyone does, then I have a bridge to sell you. This is an obvious one night stand. Stop trying to analyze it any further.

Play nice, stay on topic, and for the love of god: NO SPAM!

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