Category: DEAR JAMARI FOX, “HELP!”

FOXMAIL

I’ve been stalking your blog for about 2 years now but I never comment, but I love your blog and the advice you give so now it’s time for me to ask for some advice for my self.

Some background about me, I am 18 years old and I live in London and I am attracted to females and males so I guess I’m bi and I guess I’m DL because nobody knows about it, but right now I’m thinking of experimenting. I’ve been curious for a long time but now, I’ve had sex with a girl and I’ve watched gay porn since like a few months ago and I like it but bare in mind that I’ve been curious for a very long time, like probably since 13 years old. However, now, I want to take my curiosity to the next level…

I want to try sex with a man.

Recently, I downloaded Grindr ( I know, bad move) but it’s seemingly the only place to find someone who wants to get down and where I live I’m sure there are gays but the girls come out more than boys. It is interesting to see who uses it though because I’m seeing people who you wouldn’t think are gay and I’ve actually chatted to one – he told me he was “straight-acting” , but was out to his boys, i just found that interesting, like you know those type of gays are around but not until you actually see it for yourself, its fascinating. Anyway, I am aware of how bad that app can get, I don’t trust anyone on there, I don’t act a fool and stupidly send pics to everyone, like I don’t know if I could be talking to the killer so I’m very conscious about who I’m talking to, but obviously you never know because people are very good actors.

I’ve got the usual DL worries, I’m scared that someone will see my messages or this guy I’m currently talking to will tell other people about me, at this time of writing, we have not exchanged face pics but we have described ourselves to each other and I like the sound of him, there is a spark. But, I‘m scared that I may be going in too fast and acting like I’m ready when I’m not, you know? It’s annoying because me being ready fluctuates – sometimes I am and I feel to try the dick and sometimes I’m like maybe not now.

As slightly previously mentioned , I’ve met this one guy on Grindr and we seem to be clicking, we’ve moved from Grindr to iMessage and I’m literally talking to him as I type this and (UPDATE) – he’s just given me a time frame of 9 days to “get some”, as he mentioned that his “head game was crazy”, and I said that “I want some of that” – messy I know.

So basically Jamari, my questions to you are:

1) Do I continue using Grindr to explore my curiousity (in terms of having gay sex), becasue the main thing I want to try is sex with a guy
2) Any tips with using an app like Grindr?
3) Am I rushing into things, I only started using Grindr however at times I feel like 100% ready then at times my confidence comes all the way back down and I don’t feel ready at all
4) Any tips to prepare for sex with a guy?

I’m sorry if this seems long and messy but I am hoping for your advice really soon, I am a fan and I love your work on here. Congratulations on your recent job position by the way, it’s nice too see your growth on here and how you broadcast it.

Help me, Jamari!

MY ANSWER

DEAR JAMARI FOX, "HELP!"

FOXMAIL

Hey J,

Hope all is well with you. Visiting your blog everyday is like a ritual for me. Whenever your site is down I panic haha, keep doing your thing, you have people who really enjoy your content. This is going to be lengthy so sit back and relax.

Anyway I wanted to come & talk to you about men. Why is it so hard to find a cool guy who you can mess with on the regular and isn’t full of shit? I know how dysfunctional gay men are when it comes to relationships so I never ask that from a guy. I don’t need that extra in my life just yet. Because to me it’s a recipe for disaster. My time will come gradually by the grace of fate. Not force.

Now I’m a tall (6’3) muscular (Trevor Siggs body type) student/model. I have ZERO problem attracting men (and women even though I’m fully gay), and it’s always been that way since I was in school. However here’s my gripe, it seems like the ones that I like, will sleep with you and then act like you don’t exist after that. How are people so unattached to their emotions? I know you shouldn’t expect anything after a hookup but damn.

Two days ago this Jamaican guy from Canada visited my city for work, he works in real estate. He was really muscular and was packing. He said he’s planning to move to my city soon. Mind you, I’m 20 and he was 30. I generally like my men a little bit older than me. He hit me up on grindr and asked me to come to his hotel room so I came over that evening. I walked into his hotel room while he was on a conference call but once that call ended this man gave me this work!! (if you know what I mean). He was so passionate, he loved kissing, he fucked me in every position and knew my limits, he knew when to be gentle/slow and when to pick up the place and went steady with me until I came. He even fed me grapes through his mouth after that afterwards. Everything was like a movie. After that he took me to a 5 star Chinese restaurant that was on the ground floor of his hotel, we spoke and then he drove me in his car to his gym. When he dropped me off at my place he told me to stay in touch with him and he said he’ll hit me up before he leaves to go back to Canada.

I messaged him the next day just to say hi and he completely ignored me. Now my thing is this, I completely UNDERSTAND when guys just want to fuck and go. Trust me I’ve been there. However why go through all that to take me to dinner and even LIE about wanting to stay in contact after that. I never asked this guy to stay in touch. HE DID. Why do all of that if you just wanted NSA one night stand? It got me triggered and I feel like I’m already becoming jaded at such a young age. This isn’t the first time I’ve dealt with a liar. Here’s the thing though, I learn lessons through every fuck up that is done to me by other guys so I know I’ll be more vigilant and good in the long run. All of this came after I took a two month hiatus from dating apps because I wanted a break, however my male hormones kicked in and I was in need of sex.

But I just wanted to ask how to have sex and not get attached? Because when a guy really treats me good it’s hard for me to separate my emotions and draw the line. I wish I was numb to it all.

MY ANSWER

DEAR JAMARI FOX, "HELP!"

so i love to know the foxhole is concerned about things.
ya’ll always reach out to me to see what’s really going on.
well one of the vet foxholers,
malcolm,
sent me this tweet today:

hmm.
it says that ( x the last episode ) was uploaded a month ago.
so you know i had to find out.
i sent tripp ali and “@” and this is how it went…

DEAR JAMARI FOX, "HELP!" X MARKS THE FOX

*the following entry is parental advisory.
graphic language and images a bound!

FOXMAIL

Hey Jamari,

I’m going into my fifth year of college. Five years ago I thought college would be the time to really find myself but I haven’t done much of that. I’ve achieved in all other areas, top of my class, damn near 4.0 GPA, recognized leader on campus, going into my senior year with job offers in a good STEM field but my sex life still isnt figured out and I’ve been working since freshman year. I started looking at guys more but I noticed I don’t really like guys, I just like dick if that makes sense, and I only like head, no bottoming or topping. I tried going back to girls but I wasn’t getting up and it was awkward for both parties. I’m not into guys emotionally but it’s hard to get turned on by girls physically. I’m DL and also don’t want my business out there so I try not to mess around too much. What should I do?

MY ANSWER

DEAR JAMARI FOX, "HELP!"

FOXMAIL

Sooo I’m clearly a fem bottom. I always have had a light voice it never really got any deeper. I’m young I enjoy and love sex. My throwback game strong I give some of the sloppiest bj’s ever I’m told by almost everyone I have sex with that I’m amazing and I do all the right things that they like and turn them on. But usually I deal with punk ass niggas that spread my business. I’m fem but I just want to establish some type of NSA with someone discreet or DL but then it turns out almost all the DL/discreet niggas get exposed on places like tumblr n shit and all they business out there.

What do I do?

A lot of them either aren’t attracted to me or think I’ll tell their business cause I’m fem. But all I really want is for them to come lay the pipe and get the fuck out. Im NOT one of those niggas that screams slay queen or slay BeyoncĂ© but I enjoy lots of other “feminine” things. It makes it hard for me to find someone who I can casually fuck but also keep my business my business.

So what should I do?
Who should I try to establish a relationship like this with?

It’s hard to trust other queens out there because they are always involved in drama and outing each other.

MY ANSWER…

DEAR JAMARI FOX, "HELP!"