f0xmail: My Boyfriend Found Our New Roommate on Jackd. Help!


Hey Jamari…

I’ve been a reader for about 2 years and have been a big fan of the site.I’m reaching out for advice with the relationship I’m in. I’m originally for Brooklyn NY grew up in Long-island moved to Atlanta for school (Georgia state) met a 28 year old wolf on jackd. I’m 20 we have really good chemistry we’ve been off and on a couple of times. Recently I moved in with him to save money on housing he has a townhouse in Atlanta and I thought why not so I moved in about a month ago and 2 weeks ago my boyfriend lost his job I work part time at w grocery store so I help out but it’s simply not enough my boyfriend tells me he puts up an add on jackd i instantly get upset and tell him I don’t think this is a good idea he says I don’t want to put an add on Craigslist because the overflow of responses would be to much. Ok so I’m out of town visiting family for the weekend and I call my boyfriend multiple times no answer so he calls me the next day and says sorry bae I was interviewing the new room mate I said why didn’t u tell me ohh u where in a mood. Okay cool he then tells me he’s a bottom light skin and sends me a picture of him I say ok he’s a bottom i don’t care why are u sending me a picture of him ohh just so u can kno what the new roomate looks like. He then says that he told him about me and showed him my Instagram and says this is my boyfriend. So I’m confused once again why are u showing this boy my Instagram now he says to my boyfriend am I the type to say something if he says hi to my boyfriend while he has his underwear on I then say wtf are u serious this is total disrespect unless he wants his ass whipped I don’t think this is a good idea my boyfriend says I’m over reacting we get into a huge argument he’s saying I need to get over myself I now want to go to this boys job and fight him. I feal like he can have him,  Aswell as im looking to move out I need advice

Jamari please help


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f0xmail: I Like The Way He Touches Me… At Work! Help!


Hi Jamari,

I just want to start and say that I really love your blog. I’ve subscribed to get alert from your site when you post and when there’s a comment. At school, at work (sometimes), I read it all the time, though I may not comment all the time. I’ve saved some of your tips (apps, personal hygiene, reviews etc) for further reference. You also give superb advice. As a result, this is why I’m here.

I work at a home improvement retailer and there is this guy that my department collaborate with often. We both work in different departments. He is 6 years my junior (I’m 27, he’s 21). Every time we interact, there is always some hint of interest on both our behalves. We always greet each other with a handshake but on one occasion, he did the index finger in the palm handshake.

I was surprised. The first occasion I played it off. The second time that it happened, I approached him and asked him if he knew what it meant. He said he did and that he and he did it to another guy at work who is straight (funny enough I managed to find out that he didn’t). So again I sorta brushed it off but looked at him with the side eye.

Recently, he began touching my goatee in jest while in conversation (sometimes when we’re alone and sometimes in the presence of coworkers and customers). One time he did that, I asked him if he is gay and he denied it. I told him that no self respecting “straight” guy would do the things he have done. Even after that convo, he still continues to do it and I just feign ignorance.

I’m not out there at work and I can count on one hand (of the 300+ people that work there) how many people at work know that I’m gay. So I ask, how do I go about letting this guy know that, 1) I’m also interested in him and 2) the best possible way to do so. I rather something when we are one-on-one. He says that he’s not gay but I find this hard to believe since his actions say otherwise (no straight guy I know would do the finger palm handshake with a guy not once but twice or touch the face of a guy in that way). Any advice from you and / or the foxhole, would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.


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f0xmail: Thank You Letter



Hey Jamari!!!

I’ve a recent reader of you’re blog for the past couple of months and I have to say that I’m completely in love with it and the work you’re doing!!! I wanted to thank for the inspiration you’ve been giving me and you’re fellow readers. I love how personal you are with us and how you let us in on both the highs and lows of your life. I’m currently in my second year of medical school and the last couple have really been difficult. I’ve been having a hard time this year because the workload is really intense,I have no money or free time, fighting depression and loneliness, and trying to date. I’ve been regretting doing school and have been considering quitting and doing something else. But I found you’re blog and I really connected with your struggles with work/career but still finding the good at the end of the day and how to look on the brighter/realer side of things. Its given me a lot more hope and reignited my fire and passion to get into my career and find my  baller hybrid! I hope I didn’t type too much and I’m no words smith so I hope I didn’t bore you lol but I just had to thank you for the constant encouragement you put out!!!!! XOXOXO


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f0xmail: How Can I Find A Baller Wolf To Sponsor Me? Help!


I read your blog all the time and like a lot of people I find myself drooling over these guys swimming in dough. My question to you is how would I find one.. I don’t live in a state where any reside. I’m not ugly at all but I don’t have a lot of money. I have goals, dreams that I want to accomplish and I hear about ballers splurging these conceited vain hoes in material things when all I want is more education and to pay off my debt which isn’t much. Enough rambling, my question to you is one that you probably have gotten a lot: How would I find a baller or do you know of any that are looking for someone? Any help or advice would be appreciated.  I’m going through a hard time in life, a very hard time and I’m trying.


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f0xmail: He Met His New Bitch After I Gave Him Good Wood! Help!


A good topic for foxmail.
So Jamari, I have this homie that just got into a little situation.
I met this dude on A4A about a year ago. We flirted heavy and when we finally met he literally made my mouth drop he was so attractive. 6′ 200lbs bald head, neat beard, swole body and swole ass too. We actually sat down ate, talked about everything and saw a movie.
Long story short, after the movies, his ass was dessert and he sucked my dick took a nap on my chest and woke up and sucked my dick so more. Now usually I can deal with no strings attached sex, but something was just so different and genuine about him. I held this dude’s hand and I’m not the sentimental type at all. I got the feeling it was more for him too, being that he wanted me to stay and he kissed and hugged me before I left that night.
No contact for two weeks! I can’t lie I was completely depressed about it.
He finally hits me out of the blue and basically acts as if that whole night never happened. I don’t know why, but I just went along with it despite the fact my feelings were really hurt to the core. Eventually I just bury the feelings and try to be friends. We work out together a lot and he’s been a pretty good friend. I have also gone out of my way to be a good friend to him as well.
So fast forward to today and he’s began this relationship with this new dude and I know I should be happy for him but I’m not.
He’s talking about how he’s finally having sex again and this dude is taking him on dates and now they’re working out together.
In the past, despite what was going on in my own personal life, I could always be happy and supportive for friends.
I really don’t like the person that’s feeling like this. I don’t know if I’m still pissed he completely ignored our first experience together, or jealous that he’s found someone, or sad that I’ve always been alone, or worried I’ll always be alone, or just a combination of everything.
I just hate thinking “I hope it won’t last.” or “He’s greek. He’s probably fucking a multitude of dudes and you’re the flavor of the moment. Don’t get too excited.”
 I just feel like I always fall into this role of being the odd man out. The “friend”. I usually resort to unhealthy and risky behaviors to deal.
I know I sound salty as fuck, but it’s making me re-evaluate some shit man.
All these nigga’s phone numbers I have in my phone, freaks, homies, friends and no one to check on me since I’ve been secluding to my room with this flu all week. NO ONE!
Then to add insult to injury this dude is introducing his new bitch to his other friends. I been cool with this dude for over a year and I’ve met no one but you known this dude one month and you’re introducing him to your friends at happy hour.
Am I just fighting my true nature by forcing these sorry excuses for friendships? 
Am I completely fucked up bruh?


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f0xmail: I Think This Jailbird Wolf Wants My Bunz. Help!


Hey Jamari…

I’m having a lil dilemma reading this past prison wolf Im employed with. When I first met him 2 months ago I noticed the natural attraction I have for him. He’s dark skin, about 45, 6’3, permanent gold fronts and hella cool. He’s a daddy type, a SEXXXY daddy type. So everyday we come in to work he sees me, makes his way over and starts up a convo. Every convo ends the same; on sex. He talks about how he be fucking women, how big. His dick is, his stroke game, alotta mature real black man shit. It’s so sexy to me, but anywho I’m a very attractive male with a nice physique. I’m masc and I have a big round butt that alotta guys require. No one here knows I’m gay except him. He can tell for some reason but I can’t tell about him. He’s always talking about sex as people he’s gonna fuck, I just need some help. If he is down, how do I proceed. how would I know if he isn’t? I just don’t wanna be rejected I mean I have before but not by someone I’m naturally attracted too and yes Jamari he can tell from my smiles and the way I respond back, I even brought him lunch yesterday and I don’t know what to say. I think he wants to fuck me and I would love to let him on the regular.

Plz give me some of that infinite knowledge and wisdom.

(viewer discretion strongly advised)

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f0xmail: The Issue of My “crushlovelustwhateveryouwannacallit”!

tumblr_moyd7cihg31qekrg7o1_1280 FOXMAIL


Let me start off by saying that 99.9% of the time, your posts are DEAD ON dude & I love every single one of them. You keep me coming back, each and every time! Keep it up homie. Now, on to a dude’s dilemma:

There’s this guy I’ve basically gone in & out of “crushlovelustwhateveryouwannacallit” with for the past 4 years. We were co-workers for three of those four years and nothing happened between us except for MY EX-BEST (girl) FRIEND ALMOST SLEEPING WITH HIM. (Yes, it affected our relationship that deep.)

From the aforementioned statement, you can tell he’s basically “straight”. But there was ALWAYS something there between us. Tension? Curiosity? IDK. He took me to the movies a few times (mind you, he only wanted him & I to go… mmmmhmmmm…), but nothing more than that. After him leaving my workplace last year, he got a new job in the same town. I see him all the time & I’m not sure what I feel. He gives me these high-school ass feelings, but I swore I was over this nigga. LIKE, WHAAA?! I tend to give him a sliiiiiight cold shoulder here & there just to prove to myself that I’m over him. (Dunno if it’s doing harm or good.) Everyone that I talk to about him tells me not to feel the way I feel because they think he’s “douche-ish” and that I can do WAY better, but I’m torn as a motherfucker! I still find him intriguing…

You like who you like sometimes, fuck what others think, right? (J, tell me I’m right. LMAO.) He still wants us to smoke a blunt together & shit, but I’m hesitant! I curve him on purpose! LOL. He can be fleeing sometimes (i.e. seem uninterested, returns texts hours later, etc.) and I know that has something to do with why I be on that #SWIRVlife. LOL. I’m part of your gold digger era, so I’m completely invested in my self-worth, and that goes hand in hand with my dating life. I know what I offer. I’m not easy. I value me, and I feel like my polarity to the issue is due to me considering my value before anything. I wanna stay true to me but don’t wanna be judgmental to this just because of the opinions of others, you know?

Tell me J, do I go on and try to make something work with the dude?

Or do I continue to wait for someone “worth my time”?

(P.S., Feel free to share this with the Foxhole if you’d like. I have no secrets. LMAO. Hey, maybe someone else feels the way I’m feeling…)

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f0xmail: Thank You/Testimony Letter


Let me start by saying this is Malcolm, I’ve been a faithful follower of your blog for quite some time. I want to just say to you that your blog gives more than just eye candy..It gives the readers, which is a body of various men from different walks a life, a connection in regards to what we have all experienced in this lifestyle. It gives us instruction of how to respond and carry ourselves when dealing with the bullshit that this lifestyle often brings and lastly HOPE that one day all of those things will lead to the man of our dreams…
I don’t know if this is really an advice FOXMAIL or just me giving a testimony but here goes:

2014 has been a emotionally exhausting year in a sense. I had just moved back to Philadelphia in January, after being away for 5yrs (attending college, living and just trying to progress thru life) so when i came back i figured since i just graduated from college in December and i was back home I was about to TURN UP and big things was a ‘gwon down’ buddy like my foreign relatives would always way LOL…BUT it was the exact opposite…I was accepted into this competitive forensic science program but didn’t have enough aid to fund it being that i didn’t get my STEM scholarship so i couldn’t go. JOBS kept telling me i either didn’t qualify or ‘over-qualified’. i had to live with someone for the first time in five years, and being on your own for such a long time then having to stay with someone is a BIG adjustment…ESPECIALLY when the person just ‘tolerates’ your lifestyle…they know, and so do you, that they abhor the way you live and think.

After being sexually abstinent for almost 7 months i had grown lonely and wanted some attention…so i did my casual perusing online and found a guy. He was 5’10, dark skin, nice physique and his dick game was beautiful…YES i said BEAUTIFUL!!! LOL  he would pick me up in his car and take me over to his house faithfully. Our little affair happened for quite some time..until one night i was sleep and my phone was vibrating like crazy. i’d received a  few random text messages. one that read” who the fuck is this number in my mans phone i seen this number in his call log” so i replied “you have the wrong number’ and she responded with his name and everything. Saying that they lived together and had children so i knew she wasn’t lying. She thought i was a female, and i played it off. I just don’t and won’t EVER out a man just because I’m out doesn’t mean my man has to be. However, when i tried to cut him off he became angry. He began texting me saying that he needed his fix, that he wasn’t going to stop talking to me and began acting stalkerish, then after him i began dealing with another guy, who turned out to be a drug dealer who also became very demanding. i became scared and flustered at the same damn time and i felt like the weight of everything was beginning to overwhelm me. After dealing with that and the frustrations of everything..i called my mother, she and i are very close and i share with her pretty much everything about my life..after hearing what i went thru she said baby come see me for awhile you need a break…i changed my number,relocated to stay with her for awhile as i planned my next move and etc..it was nice to get out of the city…and at first i was worried that i would never bounce back again. Upset that someone as hard working as i have was in dire need. out of boredom and curiosity, I tried the relationship thing again here. i met a guy who i told you about in that one entry who was a soldier, with two children he said wanted a relationship and that he was out with his sexuality. He’s about 5’8 with locs to his shoulders, dark skin and has the most dazzling smile. He would hold hands with me and kiss my hand when we would sit and talk. We dated for two and a half months before having sex, and i felt he was the one. I even mentioned to my mom about him, yet he eventually came forward and said that his family DIDN’T know about him and that he still wanted to see me, but i felt in regards to his actions and how he was growing even more distant, that he had someone else or that it wouldn’t go any further…so fast forward to now my little hiatus paid off..I’ve been given a salary position that starts in November  back home. I’m about to start classes again in January at my dream school and to top it off my mothers job has a special program that allows employees and/or spouses/ children of employees to attend with a 40% tuition discount allowing me to attend ..so it’s like i finally got my head on straight again…
i just wanted to THANK YOU!!!! all of your journal entries just kept me going…and the wisdom from other loyal readers of your blogsite: THE MAN ( i swear that brotha is prolific in mind and doesn’t even know it and the fact that he’s only 21 blows me away), Zen Buddha, Lindo, and etc. I just want to say to you all that NO MATTER how dark it may seem at times, LIGHT will always PREVAIL..GOD BLESS..KEEP LIVING and KEEP fighting in your pursuit of LOVE, LIFE and HAPPINESS!!!!!


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f0xmail: I Paid For His Lunch. Should I Ask For My Money Back?


Okay J…
First off, gotta say thanks for your site. You have no idea what it means to see someone existing and conquering that’s kinfolk.
I’m writing because I want your opinion on what I should do in the midst of an awkward office situation.
I work in an office where I’m one of four black people. I also happen to be the lowest on the salary ladder – entry level.
The other colored folk are senior staff pulling in well over six figures.
Recently, one of the [black] senior staff came by my desk and began making small talk about my college because I keep a small alumni banner in my area. #HBCUsStandUp
He tells me there’s a young man at his church who goes to my alma mater home from college for some random family reason, and goes on to say that he would love for all of us to do lunch.
So, his secretary sets it up and we meet a week later at a somewhat swanky restaurant I’d never been to across the street from our office.
After arriving late, he sits down, makes small talk, and casually mentions he left his wallet at home, could I cover it?
Not wanting to look a certain way in front of my young college brother, I casually nod yes meanwhile my mind is racing and my heart has stopped several times.

I budget my money down to the cent, literally. After paying my bills, (motherFUCK SallieMae) and pledging to not help family anymore and then helping family anyway, I am left with just enough to make it for the month, and sometimes not even that if a pair of shoes catches my eye.
I wound up putting the meal – $100 – on my credit card.
Now, the question is do I even approach him about repayment at all…
I feel like he set up the meeting and knew what this was gonna be. Sure, many men forget their wallets, but he knew he still had this meeting so why not cancel or postpone???
But then again, he’s a powerful man with many a connection and I don’t want him to pitch a bitch and hold a grudge if I ask for that money back … but clearly he knows I don’t do $100 lunches for 3 on me often, hell, at all, right?
But Lord,  that’s 10 edge-ups or 2 tanks of gas or a whole ass pair of nice shoes (2 if you know how to shop) …

Should I take an “L” on this one (in the name of networking – can’t front, I def benefited from having the opportunity to chat with him)?


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