tumblr_n4po8hon5P1qfyt7wo1_500one thing about this life we all live,
we really don’t know what we want.
well i know what i want.
others aren’t so lucky.
we want to be “the freakiest hoe”,
but also hope to meet someone great when looking for a simple freak.
how can we still expect a “white knight” after building a foundation off sex?
how do you expect someone to take you seriously after he busted on your face?

one you met looking for just that?
well one of my readers sent me an email that proved just that…
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I can’t believe I’m doing this but I guess I am.

So I’ve been a follower of your blog for about six months and I have to say I love it! It’s taught me a lot about the gay community and specifically the black gay community and their issues. You really seem like a friend in my head! I’m a young African American male. I’m from baytown, Texas (small town 45 minutes outside of houston) I’m eighteen years old and I’m not sure if I am gay or straight. Growing up I always knew I was different but I always had an attraction for girls.I love the arts. I love operas, musicals, ballets, etc. Even my music is different from most teenage black boys. ( I don’t like a lot of hip hop) My three top singers are Ella Fitzgerald, Phyllis Hyman, and Rachelle Ferrell. I know weird right! I’m pretty old school with my music! I also fell in love with the Harlem renaissance. You east people have so much wonderful  history that I admire and adore!

My dream is to become a sports and entertainment lawyer, own my own law firm and own my own sports team( even though I’m not a sports fan) lol ( sports is an untapped market and I would love to start tapping! Lol) I really like that you’re into the whole entertainment field because that’s what I want to go into myself. I would like to attend Howard university and work in the DC and New York area and then expand to the Los Angeles area later down the line. I also want to become a billionaire one day. Also I come from two lower working middle class parents who worked hard to get me where I am today.

Anyway, when I was in the eighth grade I went on a school field trip and I had to stay in a room with two other boys. One boy had on pajama pants and I looked at his butt and got an erection. I was so embarrassed that I refuse to sleep in the same bed with him. I had NEVER had ANY sexual or intimate feelings for boys. Before that I was watching straight porn and looking at women’s breasts. After that incident, I started to experiment with gay porn to try it out. I have been addicted to porn for four years now. I use to watch both straight and gay porn but I know I only watch gay porn now. I told my dad that I had experimented with gay porn and he was ok with it. But then a few months he saw a link to gay porn on my computer and he told me that he “didn’t play that gay shit” I was upset but I got over it.  He said “this is the last time we will discuss this”. My dad is not a religious person but he is a homophobe. I’ve never dated a girl or even kissed a girl before. I’m also a loner. I was also bullied in school and boys called me gay and other hurtful things. I’ve never been popular. I only have two friends and one is my grandma.

Lol I know that sounds pathetic! Lol but she truly is my best friend. I also tried to commit suicide at one point. I was confused at one point and I “came out” to her and she was totally ok with it. She gave a big hug and embraced me. But now I’m thinking that I’m bisexual. I’m still attracted to girls. So I want  to know if you think I’m gay or bi sexual? As you can see I have big dreams but I get so upset and depressed when I think about my sexuality. I’m still addicted to porn (I watch more gay porn) and that brings me down too.

Please help Mr. Jamari! Thank you


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Hey Jamari, I’m new to your website but I love it already! I wanted your opinion on a situation. So basically me and a guy messed around and I caught feelings. A few weeks later he told me he started seeing someone so we kinda stopped talking to each other. I deleted all of his contact information and everything.

A few months passed and we ran into each other, we traded numbers again. We started hanging out again (nothing sexual) but feelings started coming back, mind you he still has a boyfriend. When we would hang out he’d always tell me how he knows his boyfriend is just a college relationship and he doesn’t see them together in the future or he’ll tell me about their issues. He’d always flirt with me whether it be in person or through text messages and tell me that his boyfriend is jealous of me. There was even a time when he went away for spring break and his first stop when he got back into town was my place
(you’d think after being gone a week the first place y
ou would go when you get back at 2am would be home where you live with your boyfriend)

Finally I couldn’t deal with my feelings I was having for him so I just had to tell him and ask if it was mutual and if I was wasting my time waiting for something that would never happen.

His response was “Lol right”

Am I wrong for being angry?

Was I stupid for catching feelings?

How should I handle the situation?


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Hey Jamari! I love your site and I am just getting out of a 7 year relationship. I never thought I would be single at the age of 26. Anyway I am looking to move away from my current state and I was thinking of just moving to Houston Texas. I am not being taken seriously because I am not in the state.

Do you think I should move to that state without my job or wait?

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Im a newbie here,
but first let me say you give some GREAT FREAKING ADVICE!!!!!


so question how do you get over someone?

like im really really struggling to get over my ex cap (im a pisces) its PISSING me off  that everyone keeps saying: the best way to get over someone is to get under somebody else… ugh been there tried that but im not over him but apparently hes over me… ugh! do you have any advice for me?????

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Hi Jamari,

Been busy at work lately so haven’t had the chance to comment as I would like too, but I’ve definitely been reading daily. I just read your entry “Everything Seems so Perfect in the Snow” when i got to work and it just struck a cord with me. You see, I’ve met a guy and I think I’m falling in love for the first time. You’re the only gay friend I have lol so I hope you don’t mind me randomly telling you about it. Anyway, he’s not perfect. No six pack or big muscles, but cute and most of all treats me like I’ve never been treated before. Everyday he tells me how much I mean to him and that he loves me. The other day he had me crying with the things he was saying to me. I NEVER do that. I’m not the type of person that can be vulnerable in front of someone. He also loves God and stays in church. He’s not perfect by far, but he’s everything I honestly could ask for. And the thing you said in the post about the two guys kissing….I’ve have never been kissed like this guy kisses me. The other dudes I had been with made me not even like kissing. They made me think I was bad at it. Turns out, they just all sucked at it lol. And just to throw something in there, this guy is a genuine FREAK. We haven’t had sex yet and he said he will wait as long as I want, but with the way he talks to me sometimes that wont be too much longer! Most importantly, he loves me for exactly who I am. He told me he loved everything about me, and that I didn’t need to change a thing. Now I know I’m an attractive guy, but I still have self esteem issues. However, I never feel self conscious when I’m with him. This is the first guy I’ve been with where I felt I didn’t need to change anything. He works. Has his own place. And wants to buy me food when we go out even though I got to remind him I’m still a man and can hold my own. This guy has touched me life in a special way in a short period of time.

The reason I’m saying all this is because I was about to give up on finding someone. I was coming to the realization that I would just be alone with some hookups in between. After all, I had been alone a long time and had gotten used to it. This guy has shown me that doesn’t have to be so. Now, who knows, we may not make it, but at least I know I’ve experienced love and I could find it again. But I feel this guy is the one. I’m telling you this because I was getting apathetic about love but it found me when I was least expecting it. When I needed someone the most, this guy came into my life.

I’m telling you J, if it happened for me, I know it will happen for you. Although I’ve never talked to you or laid eyes on you I know that you are a great person, and you deserve a great person. He will come along. Man, I can’t even explain how much reading your blog has helped me. All those months when I was sitting at home, out of work, depressed, struggling with my sexuality, reading your posts was a godsend. I really feel a part of this community even though I don’t know you or the other commenters personally. We are all kind of like brothers in the struggle. I’ve really learned so much about this lifestyle. I’ve learned that everyone in this life is not some caricature. I’ve learned being gay does not make me less of a man. You are a special person Jamari, and God touched my heart this morning and made me sit down and right this to you. Keep your head up. Keep doing your thing. Don’t ever give up or get discouraged (even when that bitch at work is trying you lol). Most of all, don’t feel that you have to compromise your standards to have someone. I can tell you have a lot to give and for that, a man needs to be prepared to give you a lot. At the same time, be open enough to get to know a guy that may not fit all your physical or stylistic ideals. I gave this guy a chance when the old me might have just passed on him and its really been worth it.

Take care


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I see this guy at the gym. I see that he occasionally shoots me a few looks, nothing strange, but he just looks at me as I am working out. As he is about to leave, he takes a look back at me. Again, I don’t think much of it, but I leave soon after he does.

Well, I end up at a stop light and he pulls up next to me. He looks over at me again, but I didn’t say or do anything. Against my general judgment, I decide to post an ad on Craigslist in the m4m missed connections section. I gave a general description of a guy where many guys could fit the description.

Well, I get a response and the guy tells me what he was wearing, but he also makes a mention that he is straight as well. I ask a few more questions and it is indeed the same guy who was looking at me in the gym. My question for you is what do you think of the situation?


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so was the first paragraph in the email:

Good afternoon . I am sending this on behalf of my client …..

This will serve as your legal notice to cease and desist all further actions described below . You are hereby instructed to comply with this letter immediately or face legal sanctions under applicable Federal and State law

this was the second part within that email:

Dear Site Owner:
It has come to my attention that you have made an unauthorized use of copyrighted work “Private Video” I have reserved all rights in the Work, , and I have preserved my rights to the copyright of the Work. I am asking that you please remove this video. This video was made close to 5 years ago. It is now stolen property ,  and has been maliciously sent out.  It is because of this blog that I have lost my job , lost my house and car because of no employment , I  been denied employment on several levels , along with  other opportunities  that could be afforded to me . I am sincerely just in an attempt to rebuild my life but I do need your assistance in removing this information from your website.  I have no issues with your ,or  anyone and try my best to love everyone.  Your purpose  to destroy at that time has been complete. I am asking in Good faith that you please remove this content from your website/blog .

With Humble Submission I request


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“Hey Jay! I haven’t been as active on the site as I should. My book, school, n work has officially taken ova my life! I hope all is well at home and at the NEW JOB : )

 Ok, so I never believed in love at first sight. So I went into work today like regula degula shit. I get to the register and spoke to my female coworker and we was just catching up/talking shit. So I had to run down stairs to get something and JA.MAR.II, as I am walking I spot this FIONEEE ASS wolf they have as the stores greeter.
I was looking very good today, fresh cut beard shaped up and ALL and I saw him gazing at me. And I just blurted out “Hey, Wassup? How r u?” He responds “Hey. How are you doing”? Jamari I am shy but not bashful, but I’ve never met a guy who commanded a room without saying a word. It was like we erased everyone for a minute or at least I did.
He’s very short/my height 5’8-5’9
Lite tone
His hair is brown but his goatee is blonde
His weight is up >>>>
This Justin Combs meets Braylon Edwards
Back to topic he and I ended up working together alone in the room today. So I seized the opportunity to get acquainted. He’s 23, in college like me, drives, hasn’t mentioned a girlfriend, and seems like a all together nice dude. Calm soul. However I don’t know  if he’s down. His eye contact is awesome, he looks me directly in my eye. He smiles a lot, and he has the sexiest light voice. He and I both are masculine and he could very well think that I wanna be his homeboy. But I have more than that in mind.
I need some advice on how to get him to open up to me when were alone.
Idw feel this way about a straight guy you know…”



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