it’s been a year.
a full year since i got this foxmail:
well anything and everything can change within a year.
i got an update from the foxholer about what has happened since then.
i wanted to share his journey since then…
I need advice.
I’m gay and I’m dating my first boyfriend. I think he’s cheating. We’ve been dating five months. It’s driving me insane.
We met at a community service organization. We, just started talking one-night at a social event. A few weeks later, we made the beast with two backs. I just wanted, good-sex, however, he said he wanted to be my boyfriend and I agreed. It’s been an up and down battle with this relationship. He doesn’t have a car and grew up with a troubled family background, so he catch’s rides to and from work, which is common in this area. I don’t mind driving him to and from work every now and then. He chips in, gas money every now and then which I appreciate; however, I still felt a bit used a times, like I was only good for a ride.
The relationship initially was strong. He used to just kiss me all the time. Then it completely dwindled and he claimed it was because I told, him one night his breath smelled a bit and he became self-conscious. We’ve continued to have incidents that have been etchy-sketchy. I made dinner for him one night, he said he’d be their in 10-15 minutes. Three hours still not there, so I came by his house and his excuse was he’d been douching for hours to, make sure he didn’t paint my penis. He got defensive when, I addressed it. He declared, I was calling him a liar. I let it go and moved on.
His ex is a whore, whose repeatedly tried to sleep with him on multiple occasions.
He told me his friend has being trying to sleep with him and he know’s we’re together. I feel like, I’m trying to fight a losing-battle. That common-decency doesn’t exist and it doesn’t deter people from sleeping with someone in a romantic relationship.
The tipping-point was Monday. He called me, we talked he put me on hold because he had another caller. Then we continued, to talk and I heard the sound of a man moaning, in the middle of the conversation. I stopped everything. He completely changed the subject of the conversation to—how was my day? I asked about it and he’s offered me multiple excuses. First it was I didn’t hear it. Then it was, he was walking there are car’s passing by. Third it was he made the sound himself mimicking the noise I make when I’m excited. Then, it was it wasn’t a moan I heard.
1) Obviously he heard, it. He acknowledged it afterward.
2) I heard no cars passing by.
3) I’ve never made a sexual moaning sound in excitement in a public forum.
4) Who the Fuck moans in public, when there walking?
5) I know what I heard, that shit was an intense sexual moan.
I immediately, told him it was over the same, day. Tuesday and Wednesday he cried, pleaded and incessantly texted me to take him back. I told him, that I wouldn’t take him back. He called me a selfish, horrible person. That I don’t think about anyone else but myself. I told him I was breaking up with him, due to the stress the relationship placed on me.
Wednesday night, I finally decided to have a talk with him about. I told him, it’s unfair to him and to me, to be in a relationship where, your partner doesn’t trust you. It’s unfair to have a partner that’s constantly suspicious of his actions and choices. I told him, I don’t trust him anymore. If you know, your telling me the truth, than we don’t need to be in this relationship. You’ll find someone who will trust you, because I don’t. He was a crying mess and he was choking on his tears, in the middle of the conversation.
He gave me another convoluted hog-washed excuse that doesn’t make any sense. That it didn’t register to him at first because, he has a slight hearing disability in one of his ears. That one ear hears, slower than the other. That he has a habit of mimicking the sounds other ppl make and apparently unbeknownst to me, I make an orgasmic sound, in public.
I made him swear, to god he didn’t cheat on me. I asked him to tell me the truth multiple times. He swore to god, on his family and his unborn children that he’s telling the truth. I don’t believe him. I don’t. But, I took him back. In order to rectify the relationship, I decided to make it an open relationship. He’ll have sex with whomever he needs to have sex with and my only request is that he’ll tell me and use condoms. I told him, we won’t have sex anymore beyond foreplay and we’ll focus on the romantic aspect of our relationship. He agreed to these terms, with a simple “Anything, to keep you as my boyfriend”.
I’ve had this conversation with multiple friends. The one conversation that still haunts me is my best friend telling me—“Deep down, you already know”. Am I stupid for taking him back? (Yes, I am why am I asking question’s I know the answer too) Do all men cheat? Am I being practical? As I guy, I get it that we all have urges and some of us have more control than others; however, I would never, sleep with someone else knowing how much it would, hurt the person I love. Am I being too suspicious?
–Dazed & Confused
so i always get asked this question:
just the other day,
a foxholer asked me,
but i had so much going on that i forgot to answer.
well here is my answer…
I’ve been to your site for about a month now and you’re like a daily breath of fresh air. Most blogs tend to follow the typical trends but yours is completely different. I’m in a bit of a situation and I feel like I could really use your advice.
I recently met this guy through a mutual friend on Facebook. He was tall, handsome with dreads down his back and I personally though even if he was gay or bi that I wouldn’t be his type. I also saw that he was with a really beautiful girl in his profile picture so I didn’t pay him any mind, until he sent me a message. We began talking and I feel like we hit it off, until the topic of his woman came up. He told me that he was dl with a WIFE AND 5 KIDS at home… That halted things pretty quickly for us yet he continuously pursues me. He said he’s a top, so I feel like what would I have to offer him that his wife couldn’t? He even went so far as to send me nudes (which were REALLY nice, btw) to try convincing me, telling me his marriage is failing and he no longer has a sex life with her, it isn’t actually cheating because it wasn’t with another girl… LOL. Now, I’ve always valued the sanctity of marriage and I would never put myself between it , but he made me feel things about him that I’ve never felt about anyone else but I can’t bring myself to violate his wife like that, yet I can’t bring myself to completely cut him off either. I really want this guy but I don’t think I could live with that on my conscience. It was nice though that he was completely honest from the beginning. It also makes me think about how many others he’s been cheating with. I now understand why so many people choose to be jumpoffs…
What should I do?