Jamari I totally understand that you are a busy dude and you might not be able to respond or post my fox mail. First, I want to say I think work wolf is bi, I think if you give him enough time he is going to blow your back out. I think you already know what your getting yourself into that is why you have so many emotions about him, and you can’t help your feelings. I’m with you on whatever decision you decide with him, but I say go for it with him just continue to go at his pace, and maybe you should pretend like their is a dude that’s trying to get at you and see his response. So, when I wrote you earlier this year on how to talk to a wolf in the gym, you gave me some really great advice. Well heres the thing there is so much eye candy in the gym I go too, but there is a couple dudes who I really want. So one dude that eye fucked me for nearly a year and a half started speaking to me 3 weeks ago. So last week we had a short conversation and then towards the middle of the convo he says my girl, I was pissed but played it cool. The reason I am writing you is because I like masculine men especially with muscles lol but one thing I am finding out is that the ones I have talked to in the gym are all married or have girlfriends. I am discrete myself so going to a gay club or getting on gay sites is not my thing, so the gym is the only place I can meet men. When these dudes say my wife or my girl it does something to me, because they eye fuck or flirt with me then mention their wife or girl. It sends me to an array of emotions, and I just put them in my acquaintance list, and the result is me being lonely and sexless. There is this other fine dude that is always staring at me but in my head I know he is probably married with kids. So do you think I should pursue these men even if their with somebody, because me having morals and a conscious is not getting me any sex or a warm body to lay next to?
hey Jamari,I been lurking your blog for a while now. And I’m happy to be able to see other black gay men online that seem to be in to each other. Out here in Cali it’s so hard for a black man seeking another black men It seems like black men want nothing to do w/ each other out here (SF, Cali) and will look right past each other to chase down a white or Asian guy. I’m not judging anyone’s preference, but I believe there’s strong element of self-loathing when it comes to these brothas. I just finished my freshman year at SF State and it was a nightmare. I’m originally from the south and was looking to connect w/ other like-minded black gay men like myself but their heads are so far up any non-black man’s ass it’s pathetic. And what’s funny is I overhear conversations between these “brothas” and their friends about how white men won’t pay them any mind…they claim they’re being sexually discriminated against, but they’re doing the EXACT same thing to guys who share the same complexion and features as them. I dunno about other gay black men, but I LOVE other black men and find us incredibly sexy and charming. I’ve tried developing friendships w/ other black gays in SF/Castro area and they all look at me funny or roll their eyes when I try and engage them conversation. Even on a friendship tip, I’ve had these “brothas” tell me they prefer to “chill” w/ Asian or white guys in their inner circle. The self-hate among these men is so unnerving, it’s makes me utterly ashamed to be a black man out here. Because these men have absolutely no self-respect or pride in their own race. They will run up behind anything that looks lighter than them. Please tell me I’m not alone,
I feel like I’m all alone out here…
First, I really dig your blog man. You keep the content fresh, hot and relevant. But the purposr for my writing is about a great friend of mine which I consider to be like a brother to me.
Him and I are really close. We have an amazing friendship however over the last year or so there has been this different level of attraction and relationship going on between us.
Truth is I’m very curious about exploring sex with another guy and so I’ve been feeding that desire with porn. Just something about two niggas sexing that is hot to me. I’ve never engaged in it but I’m hella curious.
My friend has been saying and doing things that makes me think he’s curious too. He doesn’t know that I am. But he often talks to me about how big his ass is or references to how big his dick is. We talk about fucking our girls and about porn all the time and he mentions how big the dudes dicks are in the movie.
One night he came over and the room was hella tense. He kept staring at me while grabbing his dick but I would play it off like I didn’t see him.
Another time we were together and he had changed his clothes. Well he stripped down to his drawls in front of me and was walking around like everything was cool. Which btw he wasnt lying about his dick. Lmao. It actually looked semi-hard too. I noticed him look down at my crouch when I stood up I guess to see if I was hard or not. But I just ignored it.
He’ll do things like make smart comments about beating his dick or me beating mine. We’ll talk about gay niggas etc and have had some convo about if head from a dude is better than a chick although neither of us have done it.
He’ll tell me how much he missed me if we didn’t talk in a min or he’ll reference us going out as a “date”. my dilemma is I don’t know what to do with all of this. He has a girl and I have a girl too but I often think about sucking him off and letting him bang me out. Did I mention he had a fat ass too.
I don’t want to make a move and regret it and lose a great friend but it seems like he’s dropping clues left and right that he wants to get down……what should I do???
and not for the straights)
i got an interesting package from a reader i wanted to share.
one of the toughest decisions to make in life is your career.
from what you want to do after college.
what will make you happy and fulfilled.
you can spend many years in college and never use the degree you chased.
hell i know a few college grads who i’m making more money than.
…and that ain’t even a lot.
so when i got this f0xmail,
i wanted to share because i understand the struggle…
Yo Jamari hope all is well.
So I have to ask a question about hygiene dealing with sex. Now im with you I haven’t had sex in a few years and ready to get my groove back soon. So since FLEET NATURALS are not being sold anymore. What should we use to clean us out if were going to get some soon and don’t have enough time because using laxative enemas all the time is not good on your body and plus i go on the regular so i don’t need that TMI lol?
and “not for straight eyes”…)
Aye J, I’s in trouble again:
I’M FEELING MY GOTDAMN BOSS.
So, in September of last year, we got a new guy as our manager:
-32 (I’m 25)
-Short haired & scruffy
-Very much rock band member-esque
..basically NOT MY TYPE at all. LMAO. I like flavored men. I see myself with a flavored man. Yeah. Flavored.
He’s gay, but masculine, sweet, corny (in an adorable way) and loves music (as I do). I really didn’t think much of him at the beginning, probably because in the physical sense, I wasn’t drawn to him. But as you know, its quite easy to fall for someone even if they don’t tickle your fancy in the looks department, especially if you’re a hopeless ass romantic like me. And that’s exactly what I’ve foolishly done: Fell for him. DAMMIT! What have I fucking done?! It’s to the point now that I see something in his physical now too… like a tall teddy bear. (Shit, I’m getting all warm and fuzzy as I type this! LORD.) This would be easy if he wasn’t the boss of me, but he is. Interoffice affairs are a no-no… and he’s even expressed how much he dislikes them. (He said he experienced it once.) His actions say so much of the opposite though; flirts like a MOTHERFUCKER, longingly stares at me (I can feel him staring from across the room!), makes sly remarks about how I need a white guy in my life since I’ve never dated one (I respond accordingly… he’s never been with a black guy) and the energy between the both of us is a bit telltale. On the flipside, he’ll say things about how he doesn’t believe in love because he’s scared of falling in love again and shit, but he ain’t foolin’ this nigga. He’s a mushy, romantic dude who’s (basically) damaged goods.
I know I can romanticize things, but am I in this situation? I’m at a loss… I have no clue what I’m supposed to do here. Do I deny this “crush” or fall back a bit and see where this may go? I feel dumb for texting him at times, thinking I’m foolish for believing in this, but I do.
J, what is my next move?
hello dear jamari…
you have no idea how I love your post and relate to some of the things you do say, knowing that you are more of a fox,helps me to really follow and see the dynamics in this lifestyle, I’m writing to you because,I don’t know what is going on with me, I started my sexual life 2 years ago as a fox,but it feels like I don’tknow if i enjoy the anal sex or not,I know I’m more of a fox since I seen a porn in my life (straight and gay)I knew I was the bottom,but for some reason I feel like I haven’t had “the”sex yet,the type that will make you go crazy even over the person or only his “third leg”.
is it because I’m a bit cynical in my nature that’s why I can’t let go ?
or its just I met awful tops lol?
or should I go for the 100% my type physically?
(because i tend to lose my hard on and getting bored )
let me know what you think
I would like to hear your point of view,
that would help me a lot as a fox (don’t know any around me:-(
have a good day
well that reader has an update for us.
lets see what has happened since then…
So, I have a group of friends – there are 4 of us. I’ll be A and we’ll call the others B, C, and D. We’ve been thicker than thieves since the first day of college and now, since we graduated about 2 years ago and moved to different parts of the country, we still talk daily. We’re all gay but of course some of us were closer than others. C was my BFF and B & D were ol’ skool judys. Anywho, around junior year, I kinda figured that D was into me so I began asking him for favors – money, homework, errands, etc. I kept it under the guise of friendship but I knew he wanted more. I should mention that back then he just wasn’t my type or so I thought. Even though he was attractive, he was the heaviest and we never let him forget it – me more than the others. Toward the end of senior year, B & C got hip to my game(s) and called me out on my bullshit. They threatened to tell him if I didn’t so I confessed to D and things were never quite the same. In conversations, I could tell he only really fucked w/ B & C but tolerated me.
Fast forward to a week ago. All of our schedules and finances finally meshed and we all met up for a winter weekend on the east coast. D showed up and he showed up looking DELICIOUS. It was the first time I’d seen him in person since graduation. He was still the same size but everything that was pudge before was now solid. Physically, he’d changed a little but his spirit hadn’t. He was so humble and witty and kind. We caught up and he told me about his new job and a potential wolf and I smiled through my pain. When I saw him I realized I wanted him. B thinks I should leave D alone and let him be happy for now and see if he circles back. C thinks I’m a fool if I let him get away this time. I’m really torn. Me and D laughed, and we reminisced and made good ground last weekend in mending our relationship. As a friend, I want the best for him but I also want him to be mine because he could be the best for me.
What if I confess my feelings and he reads me my rights?
What would you do?
So here’s the thing. From April 2012 to Feb 2014, I was dating this younger wolf who I met at a party hosted by my best friend and I. Flashback – Back in Dec 2011 we hosted a hotel room party. Only a select few guys were invited and they each brought a guest. He was a guest of someone invited by my best friend. So the party is poppin’, drinks are flowing, I’m tipsy as hell and I stumble upon this tall, dark, handsome juvie tucked away in the bathroom of our hotel room. So I’m like “who are you, and what are you doing in my bathroom”…He responds, “this really isn’t my scene, but my friend doesn’t wanna leave, can I just chill here?” Turns out he was D/L and felt uncomfortable…Long story short, he never left the bathroom and neither did I, but it was just great conversation at the time. At this point I’m 23, he was 19. By the end of the night we had exchanged numbers and never lost contact, and by April of 2012 we were dating.
The difficult thing about our relationship was that it was long distance from the jump because I was away at college in the US, and only visited home (the Bahamas) about 4 or 5 time in the year. So I believe we never had a strong foundation to help us with the difficulties of a long distance relationship. Even so, I fell head over heels for this guy, and I believed he loved me too, but he was D/L so sometimes he tried to pond me off as just another male friend, and of course there were issues with females because he never got to a place where he accepted his sexuality. He dipped and dabbled between males and females, and my friends would always have some story about where he was, or who he was with. But besides that, the sex was sooooooo good. For a young wolf, he was dicking me down like no other. I had been with guys my age, or older in the past but no one was stroking like he was. He was funny, a man’s man, played basketball (as I cheered on the sidelines incognito, with the other basketball wives), and did all the typical shit that would make you fall in love with a TRADE.
Fast forward— after almost 2 years of ups and downs he dumps me on my birthday in Feb 2014. His excuse? He needs to find himself and I “deserve better” than him. I was so heart broken. Even at this point today, I’m still in love with this guy. I think about him every day, about the sex we had, and about how he made laugh. And even though he’s moved on and currently in relationship with a female that I know very well, I’m stuck in this place of confusion because I truly think we belong together, and I cant even begin to think about having sex with someone else.
I’ve been trying my hardest to move on but I cant. I’ve been pursued by other men since him, but I keep comparing them to him and they just don’t meet the mark. I’ve even had a Angela Basset in Waiting to Exhale moment, trying to get over this dude. I used to have really long dread locks, and cut them all off standing in a mirror. Why? Because he loved my hair, and I wanted to get rid of it just because he liked it. I’m battling the decision of contacting him to try and reconnect in some way, or at least have a conversation because I think I need closure to move on. We have not seen each other since the day we broke up, but we follow each other on social media. We no longer have each other’s phone number.
What should I do?