Let me start by saying this is Malcolm, I’ve been a faithful follower of your blog for quite some time. I want to just say to you that your blog gives more than just eye candy..It gives the readers, which is a body of various men from different walks a life, a connection in regards to what we have all experienced in this lifestyle. It gives us instruction of how to respond and carry ourselves when dealing with the bullshit that this lifestyle often brings and lastly HOPE that one day all of those things will lead to the man of our dreams…I don’t know if this is really an advice FOXMAIL or just me giving a testimony but here goes:2014 has been a emotionally exhausting year in a sense. I had just moved back to Philadelphia in January, after being away for 5yrs (attending college, living and just trying to progress thru life) so when i came back i figured since i just graduated from college in December and i was back home I was about to TURN UP and big things was a ‘gwon down’ buddy like my foreign relatives would always way LOL…BUT it was the exact opposite…I was accepted into this competitive forensic science program but didn’t have enough aid to fund it being that i didn’t get my STEM scholarship so i couldn’t go. JOBS kept telling me i either didn’t qualify or ‘over-qualified’. i had to live with someone for the first time in five years, and being on your own for such a long time then having to stay with someone is a BIG adjustment…ESPECIALLY when the person just ‘tolerates’ your lifestyle…they know, and so do you, that they abhor the way you live and think.After being sexually abstinent for almost 7 months i had grown lonely and wanted some attention…so i did my casual perusing online and found a guy. He was 5’10, dark skin, nice physique and his dick game was beautiful…YES i said BEAUTIFUL!!! LOL he would pick me up in his car and take me over to his house faithfully. Our little affair happened for quite some time..until one night i was sleep and my phone was vibrating like crazy. i’d received a few random text messages. one that read” who the fuck is this number in my mans phone i seen this number in his call log” so i replied “you have the wrong number’ and she responded with his name and everything. Saying that they lived together and had children so i knew she wasn’t lying. She thought i was a female, and i played it off. I just don’t and won’t EVER out a man just because I’m out doesn’t mean my man has to be. However, when i tried to cut him off he became angry. He began texting me saying that he needed his fix, that he wasn’t going to stop talking to me and began acting stalkerish, then after him i began dealing with another guy, who turned out to be a drug dealer who also became very demanding. i became scared and flustered at the same damn time and i felt like the weight of everything was beginning to overwhelm me. After dealing with that and the frustrations of everything..i called my mother, she and i are very close and i share with her pretty much everything about my life..after hearing what i went thru she said baby come see me for awhile you need a break…i changed my number,relocated to stay with her for awhile as i planned my next move and etc..it was nice to get out of the city…and at first i was worried that i would never bounce back again. Upset that someone as hard working as i have was in dire need. out of boredom and curiosity, I tried the relationship thing again here. i met a guy who i told you about in that one entry who was a soldier, with two children he said wanted a relationship and that he was out with his sexuality. He’s about 5’8 with locs to his shoulders, dark skin and has the most dazzling smile. He would hold hands with me and kiss my hand when we would sit and talk. We dated for two and a half months before having sex, and i felt he was the one. I even mentioned to my mom about him, yet he eventually came forward and said that his family DIDN’T know about him and that he still wanted to see me, but i felt in regards to his actions and how he was growing even more distant, that he had someone else or that it wouldn’t go any further…so fast forward to now my little hiatus paid off..I’ve been given a salary position that starts in November back home. I’m about to start classes again in January at my dream school and to top it off my mothers job has a special program that allows employees and/or spouses/ children of employees to attend with a 40% tuition discount allowing me to attend ..so it’s like i finally got my head on straight again…i just wanted to THANK YOU!!!! all of your journal entries just kept me going…and the wisdom from other loyal readers of your blogsite: THE MAN ( i swear that brotha is prolific in mind and doesn’t even know it and the fact that he’s only 21 blows me away), Zen Buddha, Lindo, and etc. I just want to say to you all that NO MATTER how dark it may seem at times, LIGHT will always PREVAIL..GOD BLESS..KEEP LIVING and KEEP fighting in your pursuit of LOVE, LIFE and HAPPINESS!!!!!
First off, gotta say thanks for your site. You have no idea what it means to see someone existing and conquering that’s kinfolk.
I’m writing because I want your opinion on what I should do in the midst of an awkward office situation.
I work in an office where I’m one of four black people. I also happen to be the lowest on the salary ladder – entry level.
The other colored folk are senior staff pulling in well over six figures.
Recently, one of the [black] senior staff came by my desk and began making small talk about my college because I keep a small alumni banner in my area. #HBCUsStandUp
He tells me there’s a young man at his church who goes to my alma mater home from college for some random family reason, and goes on to say that he would love for all of us to do lunch.
So, his secretary sets it up and we meet a week later at a somewhat swanky restaurant I’d never been to across the street from our office.
After arriving late, he sits down, makes small talk, and casually mentions he left his wallet at home, could I cover it?
Not wanting to look a certain way in front of my young college brother, I casually nod yes meanwhile my mind is racing and my heart has stopped several times.
I budget my money down to the cent, literally. After paying my bills, (motherFUCK SallieMae) and pledging to not help family anymore and then helping family anyway, I am left with just enough to make it for the month, and sometimes not even that if a pair of shoes catches my eye.
I wound up putting the meal – $100 – on my credit card.
Now, the question is do I even approach him about repayment at all…
I feel like he set up the meeting and knew what this was gonna be. Sure, many men forget their wallets, but he knew he still had this meeting so why not cancel or postpone???
But then again, he’s a powerful man with many a connection and I don’t want him to pitch a bitch and hold a grudge if I ask for that money back … but clearly he knows I don’t do $100 lunches for 3 on me often, hell, at all, right?
But Lord, that’s 10 edge-ups or 2 tanks of gas or a whole ass pair of nice shoes (2 if you know how to shop) …
Should I take an “L” on this one (in the name of networking – can’t front, I def benefited from having the opportunity to chat with him)?
the foxhole should be proud of yourselves.
you just don’t know how much you help people with the things you share.
i got such a wonderful email from a long time lurker in the foxhole today.
this is what he had to say…
Ok, as I continue to wait for “The One” to show up in my life. I meet a guy that’s just my type of man. I will call him Daddy Cub. After a few texts we finally meet face to face. As a single Scorpion brother, I seek for a relationship. I found out he’s married and all he want is a f-buddy….I shouldn’t involve myself with a married man but is it a waste of ambition on what I want because a married man will not go as far as the relationship he already has and on the side activity would be recreational…
Hey Jamari, I first off want to say I looooooove your blog! its super inspirational and very realistic. Your blog gets me through a lot and I thank you so much for staying strong through time times. Your part of the reason why I look at life differently (in a positive way). I will definitely follow you on any adventure in life you decide to endure on. Now what I wanted to know is…
Why the concrete jungle?
why not another state?
Meet new people, new environment, wolves, etc.
The reason I’m asking is because I am a born and raised NY native. I feel I need a change. I left my job because I didn’t have a passion for it and I was very well ok I have a job no need to look for another. Im 25 and why people think I should be in Fashion I don’t see myself styling or designing anything lol and its a very competitive business as well as one of the most sought out careers nowadays. I would do fashion but the business part of it. At times I just feel down on where to start and then theres my social life Lol. What bae? and What friends? lol I know people from all over come to NY for a fresh start, am I not realizing the “Greats” in this city? I am a big believer in “Not leaving something great to find better but end up with worst”.
Any advice for a standstill fox? loll
I’m 17 years old and oldest of three children. I’ve got this big problem. And as much as I really wish this was about my own issues it’s not and I need to figure out how to go about so he go…
Ok so the last of July my mom’s boyfriend came and ask to see if he could borrow my phone so I let him he had it for like no longer than 30min. When I got my phone back I checked the app that he had used. He made a couple of phone calls and was on the internet. He also had a video app open and there was some BBW porn on, but I didn’t pay any mind to it. However he came back and asked to borrow it again for like another 10-15min. and when i received it back this time there was gay porn on the app (this is not the first time I saw this). When I found out that I went to go confront him about it and he claimed I was “making him
feel uncomfortable” so I left there room. Keep in mind that my mom is at church gettin’ her praise on and straight after that she was coming home to change her clothes so that she can go to the doctor because her throat was bothering her
So once she left out again this pineapple would not leave me alone. calling me out of my room to play cards so that we could “talk,” or coming into my room and basically hover over me. He even asked to see
my phone again where he showed me the website that he got it from (which he already had claimed that it just popped out of nowhere) even asking me not to tell because he has seen in my history that I watch gay porn too. After that he hasn’t been the same since. (acting super nice, like nothing happened)
Now Jamari I don’t really know the dynamic of he and my mother’s relationship, all I know is that he is the lying, manipulative, and super clingy ex boyfriend, that we had so many problems with, and that when they broke up we had to move out the house we were living in and move in my grandma and all of the pineapples that were staying there. I feel like maybe she’s being seedy and using him for money but then again she might be stupid and chose to try one more time with him all I know is that I don’t really like him.
So my question is Jamari:
how should I go about telling her that I’m gay and also that her boy is too?
p.s. : I think he has mom issues.
one thing about this life we all live,
we really don’t know what we want.
well i know what i want.
others aren’t so lucky.
we want to be “the freakiest hoe”,
but also hope to meet someone great when looking for a simple freak.
how can we still expect a “white knight” after building a foundation off sex?
how do you expect someone to take you seriously after he busted on your face?
one you met looking for just that?
well one of my readers sent me an email that proved just that…
I can’t believe I’m doing this but I guess I am.
So I’ve been a follower of your blog for about six months and I have to say I love it! It’s taught me a lot about the gay community and specifically the black gay community and their issues. You really seem like a friend in my head! I’m a young African American male. I’m from baytown, Texas (small town 45 minutes outside of houston) I’m eighteen years old and I’m not sure if I am gay or straight. Growing up I always knew I was different but I always had an attraction for girls.I love the arts. I love operas, musicals, ballets, etc. Even my music is different from most teenage black boys. ( I don’t like a lot of hip hop) My three top singers are Ella Fitzgerald, Phyllis Hyman, and Rachelle Ferrell. I know weird right! I’m pretty old school with my music! I also fell in love with the Harlem renaissance. You east people have so much wonderful history that I admire and adore!
My dream is to become a sports and entertainment lawyer, own my own law firm and own my own sports team( even though I’m not a sports fan) lol ( sports is an untapped market and I would love to start tapping! Lol) I really like that you’re into the whole entertainment field because that’s what I want to go into myself. I would like to attend Howard university and work in the DC and New York area and then expand to the Los Angeles area later down the line. I also want to become a billionaire one day. Also I come from two lower working middle class parents who worked hard to get me where I am today.
Anyway, when I was in the eighth grade I went on a school field trip and I had to stay in a room with two other boys. One boy had on pajama pants and I looked at his butt and got an erection. I was so embarrassed that I refuse to sleep in the same bed with him. I had NEVER had ANY sexual or intimate feelings for boys. Before that I was watching straight porn and looking at women’s breasts. After that incident, I started to experiment with gay porn to try it out. I have been addicted to porn for four years now. I use to watch both straight and gay porn but I know I only watch gay porn now. I told my dad that I had experimented with gay porn and he was ok with it. But then a few months he saw a link to gay porn on my computer and he told me that he “didn’t play that gay shit” I was upset but I got over it. He said “this is the last time we will discuss this”. My dad is not a religious person but he is a homophobe. I’ve never dated a girl or even kissed a girl before. I’m also a loner. I was also bullied in school and boys called me gay and other hurtful things. I’ve never been popular. I only have two friends and one is my grandma.
Lol I know that sounds pathetic! Lol but she truly is my best friend. I also tried to commit suicide at one point. I was confused at one point and I “came out” to her and she was totally ok with it. She gave a big hug and embraced me. But now I’m thinking that I’m bisexual. I’m still attracted to girls. So I want to know if you think I’m gay or bi sexual? As you can see I have big dreams but I get so upset and depressed when I think about my sexuality. I’m still addicted to porn (I watch more gay porn) and that brings me down too.
Please help Mr. Jamari! Thank you
Hey Jamari, I’m new to your website but I love it already! I wanted your opinion on a situation. So basically me and a guy messed around and I caught feelings. A few weeks later he told me he started seeing someone so we kinda stopped talking to each other. I deleted all of his contact information and everything.
A few months passed and we ran into each other, we traded numbers again. We started hanging out again (nothing sexual) but feelings started coming back, mind you he still has a boyfriend. When we would hang out he’d always tell me how he knows his boyfriend is just a college relationship and he doesn’t see them together in the future or he’ll tell me about their issues. He’d always flirt with me whether it be in person or through text messages and tell me that his boyfriend is jealous of me. There was even a time when he went away for spring break and his first stop when he got back into town was my place
(you’d think after being gone a week the first place you would go when you get back at 2am would be home where you live with your boyfriend)
Finally I couldn’t deal with my feelings I was having for him so I just had to tell him and ask if it was mutual and if I was wasting my time waiting for something that would never happen.
His response was “Lol right”…
Am I wrong for being angry?
Was I stupid for catching feelings?
How should I handle the situation?
Hey Jamari! I love your site and I am just getting out of a 7 year relationship. I never thought I would be single at the age of 26. Anyway I am looking to move away from my current state and I was thinking of just moving to Houston Texas. I am not being taken seriously because I am not in the state.
Do you think I should move to that state without my job or wait?