things between work wolf and i are calm.
no more fighting or “not speaking”.
i’ve brought my “fuck shit” all the way down.
if he does something i don’t agree with,
i just let it go.
he comes over my crib a lot more.
he also more open than before.
i’m enjoying his company.
i don’t know why i feel so insecure about him tho.
even as my role of “friend”,
or “its complicated”,
i still feel uneasy within myself.
one of my commenters said another blogger does foxmail as well.
as a joke,
they said they do it better than me.
apparently they are my competition.
so i went over to the site.
it looked really nice.
i love seeing others doing their own thing.
when work wolf told me he might get into a “ship” with this vixen…
i felt like i wanted to cry
he showed me her picture and she is pretty.
it was one of the vixens from his past.
she hit him up and they have been talking again.
she also miscarried his cub too.
they have a “connection” of sorts.
when he told me about her,
“well you know how you get.
these vixens don’t last with you.”
“yeah you right.
i don’t know why i get so bored with them after a while.
do you know why?”
he looked at me.
i wanted to say the first thing that popped in my mind,
but i said:
“yeah i don’t know.
that’s something you have to figure out.”
other than that,
i enjoy what we have.
clearly we are in some emotional relationship.
every time he looks at me,
he is always adjusting himself.
when we were having a conversation about “eating groceries”,
and then it got into how foxes clean themselves for sex,
he kept adjusting himself that he had to put his hands in his pants.
not making that up.
i think he is confused and uncomfortable.
like one minute he will be all “jamari fox”,
and then the next,
he is distant unless i pursue him.
if i give him his space,
he is has an attitude.
i don’t get it.
lowkey: he told me he is really happy he met me friday.
god obviously has a weird sense of humor.
“i’m on an emotional rollercoaster
lovin’ you ain’t nothin’ healthy
lovin’ you was never good for me
…but i can’t get off”